BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

This is my “West Texas” term, referring to isolation, dismissal, or rejection. “Cut from the herd” is when one member of the family is excluded from the rest. In nature, animals establish herds for protection against their predators and are safe because the herd protects each other. It is necessary to 'cut' someone because of their poor choices, such as drugs, alcohol, verbal, or physical abuse to name a few. Cutting someone for these reasons protects those within the herd, a

I have found that acting more emotional than intellectual during the height of anxiety causes regretful actions and decisions. The more anxious I am the less intellectual. The more intellectual I am the less anxious. I view anxiety and intellect as inversely proportionate. When one goes up, the other goes down. The key to this concept is knowing when anxiety has overridden intellect. When you find yourself in this situation, remember, that you are in peak performance to make

‘Why’ in relationships is caustic. We can be quick to ask the ‘why’ questions. "Why did you not call?" "Why are you late?" "Why are you looking at me that way?" Did it make you feel a little defensive reading those? It's because the ‘why’ question is charged with frustration, emotion, hidden agendas, and sometimes anger. It is cultural to look at the other person rather than to look inside. [Blind Spot] ‘Why’ provokes and puts people on the defensive. ‘Why’ is asking for just

In my practice, I notice families are fractured by their many differing points of view. Some are more focused on themselves than the family. Unity and cohesion are missing. They start to blame, condemn and become critical of their perception of family members and situations. [Blind Spot] When this arises, I like the idea of utilizing the “spirit of the family.” The “spirit of the family” might be words like respect, peace, harmony, joy, love, care, or any word that the family

You remember the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz? If he was out in the elements or neglected and not protected he would rust. The longer that rust exists without attention, the more damage it causes. If left unmaintained, it will ruin. I call ‘resentments’ rust in relationships. This is a term I have coined to compare relationships that are in trouble. Rust is silent and destructive. Resentments are the same. Poor communication in our culture seems to me to be the largest contrib

Let us look at a situation where my 5-year-old son was being overly active at the breakfast table. There was great laughter and an interchange of fun conversation. Suddenly he accidentally knocks over a glass of milk. Regardless of how I act, in the next 10 seconds, he will remember this moment for a lifetime. So how will he feel when this spilled milk situation ends? It will depend on how I express my feelings toward him. The milk spilled...no one can go back and unring this

I encourage you to stay on the curious side, not the fixing side. I do not want the ones that I love to be sad, in a negative mood, or emotional. Too many times 'fixing' is my intent when I see someone suffering. If their emotional state makes me emotional, I may want to help override their emotions by fixing or offering suggestions to get them out of that emotional state. [BLIND SPOT] Asking what I call 'gently curious questions' is often a fun and beneficial way to bring so

Looking back, I could rationalize, minimize, and justify anything. [BLIND SPOT] The more hidden the blind spots, the more I say and do things that I will feel remorse about later. People who rationalize, minimize, and justify are frustrating to attempt to communicate with and do not realize it. They utilize the 'filibuster,' an excessive use of words to deflect meaning or place decoys that draw the focus on the perceived accusation. I see them as slippery fish, wiggling, str

Ugh, that pesky "little light." Did it make you pause and cause a little anxiety? You have already got enough going on, right?! Now, this?! Acting out of my anxiety is what I call “going out of control to gain control.” Have you ever gone out of control to gain control? I have many times and didn’t know it. My intentions had to do with controlling others or a situation in which I had no control. I sometimes say God did not give me a “check engine” light. If I did have a check