Jerry Clark
- May 30, 2022
- 2 min
Build a better family
How do you build a family that meets life head on with strategic and intentional purpose? Families are complex social systems consisting of individuals with unique interpersonal struggles. As parents, there must be a clear line of communication and no competition between them. There must be understanding, support, common goals, and the ability to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses, melding them into a common future that unites and does not divide. Here are principle
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Jerry Clark
- May 27, 2022
- 2 min
Parents are the pinnacle of the household
Kids should be allowed to ‘go between’ parents but never allowed to ‘come between’ them. It seems almost innate for a child to ask one parent for something and if they do not get what they want, go to the other parent. Parents cannot be split in the decision-making process. When parents are not in harmony, requests by the children can cause parental conflict, allowing the child to get their way while the parent's debate, argue, fight or walk away and say nothing. In certain s
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Jerry Clark
- May 25, 2022
- 2 min
Good thoughts vs bad thoughts
I find that I get in my own head sometimes, and that can be a lonely place to be but it can also be a reckless place to be. Especially if I am consumed by negativity, it can be very hard to make good decisions. Without feedback, my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and what I think I know, can get me into trouble quickly if I don’t stop them from taking over. Researchers have found that the average person has 50,000+ thoughts daily. And of the “daily” thoughts, a staggering 80% is
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Jerry Clark
- May 23, 2022
- 2 min
A bubbling cauldron of anxiety...
Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand? Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light. “Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.” “Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated. It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot] I call it a 'bubb
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Jerry Clark
- May 16, 2022
- 2 min
Proud as a peacock
Proud as a peacock, I have heard it all my life. Struttin' your stuff because you are all that, supersize fries and coke. Often in my practice, I hear people who are operating out of pride and do not even know it. I will usually ask them, “Do you think that could just be your pride that is making that a problem?” And then lead them to look at the difference between pride and humility. Usually, the result is reflecting, sitting back, and taking it in…then it is stated, "Well,
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Jerry Clark
- May 13, 2022
- 2 min
Have to vs Get to
I was remembering a story from a few years back; I was picking up a friend from his dialysis treatments. When I got there I usually sat in the waiting room with the other dialysis patients. I began to meet many of them because they came at the same time on Wednesdays. I started to hear their stories. “I can’t empty my dishwasher anymore.” “I can’t reach the cabinets to put my dishes away.” “I can’t vacuum anymore or I sweep.” “I hate it when the wind blows, my trash cans go d
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Jerry Clark
- May 11, 2022
- 1 min
Differing perspectives
What do you see? There are two distinct ladies depicted here. The picture does not change. The illusion is of an old woman and the young woman. This is an amazing example of not 'right or wrong' but having a different perspective. Often, we desire to hang on to the truth we know, seeking to prove the other wrong, as opposed to graciously considering their differing perspective or point of view. [Blind Spot] Looking at conflicts from multiple points of view and perspectives ca
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Jerry Clark
- May 9, 2022
- 2 min
Secrets kill relationships
I say that if I am going to do anything—like spend money without discussing it first, have a private conversation with someone, go to a place that I should not go, give out information that I should not give out, look for stuff on the internet that I should not look at, I might as well plan on killing my relationships. If you are going to “secret anything” you are treading on thin ice. [Blind Spot] Secrets kill relationships. A secret is defined as something done, made, or co
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Jerry Clark
- May 6, 2022
- 1 min
Taking your temperature
Do you check the temperature of someone else to get a read on what is going on or what you allow in your life, your mind, your business, and your relationships? [Blind Spot] We need to learn to take our own temperature and figure out how we are doing regardless of how anyone else is acting. I don’t find out how I am doing by taking your temperature. Even if everyone is out of sorts or upset you can still be okay, not feel like you need to adjust to accommodate or allow them t
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Jerry Clark
- May 4, 2022
- 2 min
Giving too much
From doing, doing, doing, being the go-to person, never charging what you are worth, or the free shoulder for everyone to cry on, “giving too much” can lead to unhealthy parasitic relationships. Generally, givers are people who enjoy being asked if they can help and get satisfaction by giving. The most confounding characteristic of a giver is their inability to recognize “takers”; the people, situations, social structures, and institutions that pursue and attach to them. [Bli
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Jerry Clark
- May 2, 2022
- 2 min
Locus of Control
I was late for work because the traffic was sooooo bad… I did not get the promotion because the boss does not support me... We lost the game because the ump made awful calls… I cannot go to the movies because it is too expensive… OR... I was late for work because I did not allow for traffic… I did not get the promotion because I did not demonstrate what I was truly capable of… We lost the game because we did not play well…. I cannot go to the movies because I did not budget e
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 29, 2022
- 2 min
Just breathe...
I know your to-do list is likely close by and packed with tasks. It is a very ‘busy’ day, just like yesterday and the day before. Busyness can be the blind spot keeping us from recognizing what we desperately need. Billy Graham once said, “Give me five minutes with a person’s checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is.” I will be so bold as to say the same about your calendar. Time is the greatest gift we have because it is the only thing we will never get back. Some
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 27, 2022
- 2 min
Sometimes you have to be your own hero
I love working with people, especially people who desire to have something much better than what they have been experiencing. I remember an example set by a young man some time ago. He had a difficult circumstance in his family and felt like he was not included or important as others. I will call him Jason. He was 12 when we began to discuss matters about feeling isolated and alone within his family. As I asked ‘gently curious’ questions pertaining to how he wanted his family
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 22, 2022
- 2 min
“Brutal Honesty” can be tricky
I have observed that honesty could stand to be more compassionate rather than brutal. Too many times caustic questions or statements are allowed to steer the mood of a conversation. Being honest has nothing to do with being angry, belittling, mean, or “letting off steam.” [Blind Spot] Every time we communicate, we are not just sharing the information we intend, we are making an indirect statement about how we view the relationship. This is why “brutal honesty” can be tricky.
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 22, 2022
- 2 min
Blind Spots go both ways
I have been in situations where someone is always grumpy. I mean 'Oscar the Grouch' grumpy. Being in these situations where people are always critical of others, I can find myself being grumpy or critical like it rubs off and it happens every time I am around them. I found myself asking “How come they are always so grouchy or critical?” BLIND SPOTS GO BOTH WAYS. As hard as it may be or sound, the common denominator in these scenarios is 'ME', the stories I tell myself, someth
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 18, 2022
- 2 min
Compliments are timeless
Making a passing compliment might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but giving compliments is powerful and timeless. Whenever you do something that delights me I may say, “Your creative ideas put a smile on my face.” Sharing this with you makes us both feel good at the moment, but it can also resurrect the same feeling a year or so later and I can re-compliment you on what it meant to me. Here are a few compliments that may remind you of someone or even bring
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 15, 2022
- 2 min
Emotionally Constipated
With no teaching or training in emotions growing up, in school, or in the Marine Corps, I pushed through life emotionally unaware. Not knowing how to effectively express emotions and share feelings, caused me to be completely blind to how they were impacting my choices, actions, and behaviors. I was ill-equipped to handle being a husband and father, and after 13 years, my first marriage failed. I attempted counseling but it was not for me, and it didn’t work. I did not recogn
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 13, 2022
- 2 min
When you don't know what you don't know
So there you are, and all of the sudden you hear ‘that song’ that reminds you of ‘that person.’ And you are emotionally hijacked—just like that. Good or bad, the song interacts with the emotions you have connected with it and it bugs you all day long. “How could they leave?”, “What did I do?”, “Could things have been different?” Or perhaps you walk into work and, without you realizing it, you are put off by a coworker's expression because it makes you think of your father whe
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 11, 2022
- 2 min
Yep, blind spot
Did your mom or dad ever scold you as a kid and tell you they don’t know why you are so hot-headed —as they are screaming at you for being hot-headed? [Blind Spot] Maybe you have told your friend that they always seem to be distracted on their phone when you are trying to talk to them — while you are in the same habit of scrolling through your phone as they talk. [Blind Spot] When you hear something over and over again from different people and in different contexts, it is th
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 8, 2022
- 2 min
Blind Spots like a Mac Truck
Blind spots are the Mack truck that drives through your life, revealing your weak spots, and limitations and humbling your reactions. I was in a conversation with a very dear friend on the way back from a trip. We discussed many situations and things we had experienced in a seminar attended that weekend. In the midst of the conversation, he said, “You know, you have very limiting beliefs.” WHHAAAAT?! I was immediately defensive and began to read him the riot act on how he was
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