Once again Robin and Ralph find themselves struggling in their relationship. It appears every time there's a discussion, Ralph is in the wrong and feels terrible about himself. He seems to be unable to satisfy Robin, and she always seems to be one step ahead of him. Not being a mind reader, he’s having a terribly hard time keeping up with her thinking. He’s constantly apologizing and attempting to figure out how to live so that he does not cause problems for Robin.
Interestingly enough, Robin is having problems with their oldest adult daughter. As a mother she doesn't do things right and it displeases Robin. Nothing that Robin suggests for parenting her grandchildren appears to be good enough for them. She understands that they should have a set schedule for bedtime, meals, electronics, and everything else that comes with being a child.
Robins’ frustration keeps her daughter exasperated, she seldom calls and is unavailable when Robin tries to get in touch with her. To add to this, she is perplexed because Ralph comes home late, finds things to do without her on the weekends and she tells him this not healthy for their marriage.
Always being “right” in relationships can be deadly to its existence. If one must feel right, the other gets to be wrong. No one likes to lose the preponderance of the time.
Self-righteousness is a blind spot that causes us to ignore our own flaws while imposing our own way of thinking and morality on others. This comes off as annoying to others and causes defensiveness. It creates a “holier than thou” inequity. This is an extremely repelling behavior.
So how do you deal with being self-righteous?
First, you must be able to hear feedback from others. Second, recognize that your conversation is causing others to feel uncomfortable. Thirdly, understand that doing this makes people want to leave your presence. This is not easy to hear and even more difficult to admit and change.
Here are a few tips:
Study and show empathy.
Watch out for being judgmental.
Listen intently to others.
If you must be assertive, show humility.
Identify your own biases.
Robin’s desire to help and guide others is not bad. Her life knowledge and wisdom have served her well, but it is upsetting to others when they do not understand the purpose of her comments and advice. Great advise can be discounted if it is not spoken in a gentle and caring manner.
When Robin can impart her knowledge and be humble, she will be viewed in a totally different way. The goal for Robin is to be respected for her insight rather than be perceived as someone who spews their expertise on others.
Self-righteousness is extremely repelling and is difficult to accept.
Watch for the blind spots.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself
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