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Ugh that pesky "little light." Did it make you pause and cause a little anxiety?You have already got enough going on, right?! Now this?! Acting out of my anxiety is what I call “going out of control to gain control.” Have you ever gone out of control to gain control? I have many times and didn’t know it. My intentions had to do with controlling others or a situation in which I had no control. I sometimes say God did not give me a “check engine” light. If I did have a check engine light that showed my anxiety is overriding my intellect, it would be easy for me to recognize, disengage, and be sure that I do not cause more damage to myself, the other person, or the relationship. When I feel stressed or attacked, it brings rise for me to need to get bigger and louder. Going out of control to gain control takes me out of the logical, rational part of my brain. It ensures I will become much less "emotionally mature" and feel I must resort to "survival mode." Now I recognize God did give me a “check engine light.” Paying attention to my emotions, allows me to be in control of my choices and enables me to build a better me. I can begin to seek self-control and identify what is going on with my body, and mind. I have to remember the only thing I have control of is me. Keep looking for the blind spots. If you know someone that could benefit from discovering blind spots, like, share or comment on this post. I appreciate your feedback and getting the message out. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #checkenginelight #checkengine #bettereveryday #mindsetiseverything #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #buildabetteryou #buildabetterfuture #mentalhealth #relationships #relationshipcoach #emotionsmatter #networkingdonedifferent

Ralph and Robin were reminiscing over their past relationship experiences and discussing the progress they had made. Robin mentioned how she used to feel controlled by Ralph. Ralph laughed and was reminded of his terrible blind spot that was so unconscious to him but so apparent to Robin. His laughter was new because he didn't have to deny her experience as he used to. When the need for control in a relationship leads to a power struggle, it can undermine trust, autonomy, and the overall health of the relationship. If one partner feels the need to control the other, it implies a lack of trust and confidence in their choices and abilities. The power of control introduces feelings of resentment and lack of personal satisfaction for the partner who is being controlled. It also prevents personal growth, independence, and self-expression. Exploring and addressing the underlying reasons behind the power of control is beneficial. It may involve personal insecurities, past experiences, or a lack of confidence. Individual self-reflection can be a valuable tool in working through these challenges and fostering a healthier dynamic. However, some individuals may need to have power and control based on their past experiences. It can provide a sense of security and stability. Having control in a relationship may work well for some because it can create predictability and organization, which can be comforting in the relationship. A desire to be in control can also arise from a strong sense of responsibility and a desire to make thoughtful decisions that are in the best interest of the relationship. This works best when both partners are involved in the decision-making process and share a similar vision of their relationship. In order to maintain a healthy relationship, it is important to strike a balance between individual autonomy and shared decision-making. Open communication, trust, and mutual respect are crucial, it creates the power of love that is needed for both. Do you experience the power of control greater than the power of love? Watch for the blind spots. If you know someone that could benefit from discovering blind spots like, share or comment on this post. I appreciate your feedback and getting the message out. #thepoweroflove #powerofchoice #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching

I hear this comment too often, “I’m walking on eggshells.” This term indicates there is a delicate, tense, or volatile relationship. It implies a disconnect in communication and is a setup for degradation. The person who is easily irritated, highly sensitive, or prone to overreacting is preparing others for the experience of “walking on eggshells” and is usually unconscious of it. [Blind Spot] The person who is negatively influenced aggravates the issue by tolerating it. These relationships will self-destruct, and neither party will recognize their role in their demise. When walking on eggshells is evident in relationships, I suggest the behavior cease immediately. The person walking on eggshells must have a voice to call the other person out and break the barrier. I know this is easier said than done, yet the results are more catastrophic by living with the negative experience. If you can’t challenge this situation, I suggest you seek assistance. Walking on eggshells can indicate an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship or environment. On the other hand, relationships without the eggshell barrier yield healthy, open communication, empathy, and understanding, reducing the need for such caution and fostering an environment where people can express themselves freely without fear. Have you ever felt the need to walk on eggshells? Watch for the blind spots. Please like, share and comment. I appreciate your feedback. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #wednesday #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaymood #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching #walkingoneggshells

We do not have to make a decision for change to happen. It happens with or without our consent. While every relationship experiences change, not all relationships experience growth. Why? Because growth is optional, it only happens with our consent. That is why we keep looking for our blind spots. Remember…change is inevitable, growth is optional. Like, comment and share this post. I appreciate your feedback. If you haven't grabbed a copy of the book, get it below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #change #changeisgood #changeyourmindset #changeisinevitable #changemakers #bettereveryday #mindsetiseverything #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #buildabetteryou #buildabetterfuture #mentalhealth #relationships #relationshipcoach #emotionsmatter #networkingdonedifferent

In my practice, I notice families are fractured by their many differing points of view. Some are more focused on themselves than the family. Unity and cohesion are missing. They start to blame, condemn, and become critical in their perception of family members and situations. [Blind Spot] When this arises, I like the idea of utilizing the “spirit of the family.” The “spirit of the family” might be words like respect, peace, harmony, joy, love, care, or any word that the family could rally around to encourage and create solidarity. When the constructive idea of the “spirit of the family” comes along, there is a choice in the way the family interacts, communicates, perceives, and feels toward one another. Knowing that with every breath, and every word spoken, we are intentionally choosing the potential outcome of family members to feel safe, secure, and healthy. The “spirit of the family” creates a household where we, “stop examining ‘them’, and start examining ourselves.” Keep looking the blind spots. Please like, share and comment, I appreciate your feedback. If you want to explore more ways to discover your blind spots, grab the book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching

Knowing the contents of the Bible, God’s Word propels me into living a wonderful life. It is the best playbook I have ever studied and drawn on. Based on where I am in my life, the meaning, or the contents of the Bible speaks to me differently. Take this example: Paul was able to find joy in prison. He did not get bitter, but rather he wrote about his joy! Hearing this in my early life was inconceivable to me. How is that even possible? Paul said, “I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through…” Today, I see that there are many ‘prisons’ I find myself in where I too can choose joy. That means I need joy, when I am stuck in traffic, waiting on someone, feeling like I don’t have control, or in disagreement with someone I love. Don’t get locked in a prison-like state of mind—stuck within a trial that ‘appears’ to be closing in. [Blind Spot] I like the following quotation from Darren Hardy’s podcast Darren Daily, “I can find my way through, change my frustrations into fascinations and be joyful.” Keep looking for the blind spots. Please like, share and comment, I appreciate your feedback. If you want to explore more ways to discover your blind spots, grab the book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #wednesday #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaymood #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching

"Life functions best when I strive to build a better me." Building a better you doesn't happen overnight. Changing a few small actions or behaviors daily can create successful new habits. Believe in yourself! Keep looking for the blind spots. Please like, share or comment. I appreciate your feedback. If you would like to learn more about exposing blind spots grab your copy of the book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself

Have you ever noticed that, at times, people will make a comment to us that doesn’t fit at all? It is easy for someone to blame us for things we didn't do or think about. Sometimes, a person making false accusations with no merit is just projecting onto us. The projection here refers to the psychological phenomenon where an individual ascribes their thoughts, feelings, or characteristics to another person. It involves attributing one's desires, fears, or beliefs to someone else, often without considering whether those attributes are accurate or present in the other person. This is frustrating at best because it is not easy to prove or convince someone that their claim is false. It can often seem impossible, and the repercussions can be disastrous. Projection can occur in various ways within relationships. Look at these examples: If an individual feels angry or insecure, they may accuse their partner of being angry or unfaithful without any evidence. A person with low self-esteem may project their negative self-image onto their partner, believing that they are too good for them or that they will eventually leave. If someone has been hurt or betrayed in the past, they may project their fears of being hurt again onto their current partner, even if there is no evidence to suggest that their partner would engage in similar behavior. Projection has a significant impact on relationships and can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of trust between partners. Individuals need to become aware of their projections and engage in self-reflection to differentiate between their thoughts, feelings, and experiences and those of their partner. Acting in this manner is the pinnacle of emotionally mature behavior. Addressing and resolving projection-related difficulties requires open and honest communication, empathy, and self-awareness. Wow! It is a prevalent behavior and such a BIG blind spot. Are you familiar with this concept? It is difficult to recognize projections coming from ourselves. Watch for the blind spots. Please like, share or comment. I appreciate your feedback. If you would like to learn more about exposing blind spots grab your copy of the book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #InsecurityKills #insecurity #Shame #blame #blamegame #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching

My friend Ralph was talking to his mentor George. Ralph always seemed to be recovering from his errors and mistakes, spending more time cleaning them up than creating opportunities. George inquired about his golfing experience, which included standing on the tee box and looking towards the green with a lake in between. “What do you focus on here? Is it the lake or the green?”, he said. Ralph said he usually got out an old ball in case it went into the water. George then asked if that was playing offense or defense. "Ugh," Ralph replied, "when will I get it?" George went on to discuss previous talks to remind Ralph that life works far better when we play offensive rather than defense or recovery. You can simply wait for the expected, important occasions in your relationships, such as birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, and so on but this is playing defense on your heels. Let’s play offense! How about organizing and planning something super special as a surprise out of the blue? How about coming home with a big, beautiful bouquet on a regular Tuesday night, or coming home and slipping an unexpected, wrapped gift into her closet or leaving it next to her morning coffee cup, or how about buying one of those expensive hallmark cards and writing a love note in it when it is not a holiday? How about cooking a surprise candlelit dinner for just the two of you? See, that's attacking the goal. If you only play defense, you get a few points. But to score, you must play offense. Then George asked about Ralph's parenting. It is easy to praise when your child does something extraordinary, a drawing they're proud of, a dive in the pool they've been working on, a sound report card, or they win the game. When you give them kudos and praise for these things, that is still playing defense. You are merely responding to a shot they fired, not attacking, or acting. The offense would be praising them when they made good choices without being asked or reminded. Typically, you pay greater attention to good behavior that follows a bad choice or behavior. The poor decision or behavior drew your notice and compelled you to act, which is still defense. But when you catch them being polite, sweet, thoughtful, considerate, funny, or behaving in other ways that you love on their own, without prompting, give those little moments some offensive action. Take shots at that goal, point them out, praise them, and let them know that what you shine a light on grows. How about you? Have you been playing more defense than offense? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for liking, commenting and sharing this post. Your feedback is priceless. If you would like to learn more about exposing blind spots, grab a copy of the book. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #wednesday #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaymood #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching

Today is Memorial Day. Last week I mentioned that freedom isn't free. We are privileged to have a memorable holiday; let us remember the fallen on this fine day. Let us remember not only the ones who gave it all but their families and friends who also suffer the pain of their lost loved ones. I remember Robert Borton and A.J. Darling. Both were with me. Robert was out on a listening post and never returned. He is listed as missing in action and possibly a Prisoner of War. His remains have not been found. A.J. took my place during an operation and didn't make it back. I swore I would contact their families when I came home. I was so busy trying to fit back into civilization and made every excuse not to contact them. I feared it would have been more difficult for them and me. Now I see what a gift I had to share about their sons with each family. This is not something I am proud of. Many years ago, I found their names on the internet. I saw their anguish was awful. So much needed to be known about their losses. There were too many unanswered questions for them. (My Blind Spot) It is not easy to admit my neglect. I will pay tribute to them today. Robert, A.J., and their families. What a tragedy. Mr. and Mrs. Borton, Mr. and Mrs. Darling, please accept my apologies for being ill-equipped to do the right thing. I know you are in heaven with Robert and A.J. I will not forget you. This is a day of picnics, BBQs, the beginning of summer, and many other opportunities for fun and relaxation. As we enjoy the day, let us all be aware that freedom isn't free. Watch for the blind spots. Please like, share or comment. I appreciate your feedback. If you would like to learn more about exposing blind spots grab your copy of the book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #communication #communicationiskey #marriage #goals #goals2023 #goalsandprocess #process #selfempowerment #fridayinspiration #changeyourmindset #memorialday2023 #MemorialDay #memorialdayweekend2023 #changeyourlife #mindset #empoweryourself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #mondaymotivation #monday #mondaymorning #mondaymood #leadershipcoaching #buildabetteryou

Parades, picnics, store sales, musical performances, speeches, and a holiday from work are ways we celebrate Memorial Day. Our church honors Memorial Day by placing crosses and flags in front of the church to honor those who fell while serving our country. It is a day of celebration for some and remembrance for others. It began after the civil war and was called Remembrance Day to honor those fallen in that terrible war. In 1971, it was changed to Memorial Day. Taps played by Americo Zapata a Junior at Arizona State University I like to look deeper into this day. The ones who lost their lives, who gave it all, are to be held in the highest honor. With every death, there is collateral damage, it is the collateral damage of pain and grief. Each death represents a grieving mother, father, spouse, children, and relatives. I call this the center circle. The next circle the middle circle, is relatives and close friends. Then, the outer circle of grieving persons involves coworkers, other distant relatives, and neighbors. All are grief-stricken during the first period. The ones in the outer circle begin to move on with their daily lives, and their grief begins to fade. The ones in the middle circle have a more difficult time letting go, and the suffering remains longer. The ones in the center circle have a much tougher time letting go and understandably so, their grief is like a lead blanket. Within this circle, I see the last to let go are their mom and dad and spouses. The last from that group I see is usually the mom. She seems to hold on to anything she can to remind her of her loss—a shirt or a jacket hanging in the closet and all the pictures, which are never enough. When the mom speaks of her loss, her voice reverberates with pain and reverence of her hollow soul. Freedom isn't free. [Blind Spot] This holiday does not include those wounded and who carry the pain and reminder of their sacrifice. Some have family caregivers who also continue to suffer. The U.S. flag is traditionally raised to the staff's peak and solemnly lowered to half-staff until noon on Memorial Day. Afterward, it is raised to full staff as a symbol of the living's determination to avoid the sacrifices being in vain. Freedom isn't free. [Blind Spot] I hope you remember as you enjoy our country's freedom, that there are some have paid the ultimate price, and some continue to pay the price for freedom. And as you celebrate, stop and remember who has and continues to sacrifice for our beautiful country. I hope you enjoy the sales, have great picnics and outings, and have time off for relaxation, fun and joy. Watch for the blind spots. Please like, share or comment. I appreciate your feedback. If you would like to learn more about exposing blind spots grab your copy of the book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself

Emotionally mature people can tell the difference between constructive and destructive feedback. Constructive feedback helps us identify blind spots. Destructive feedback comes across as controlling and belittling. Too many people are saying, “You need to do it this way, you shouldn’t do that. Well, that didn’t work well. You definitely should have studied harder.” What we hear is we are not enough; we don’t measure up to their standards. Then we feel bad because it’s difficult to live up to the way others measure. Comparison…that’s another measure, it’s looking at people and thinking, “Man, everyone has better ideas, are making more, getting out there more, selling more, doing more.” It can be easy to feel like everyone else is just…more. Using someone else’s yardstick to measure your self-worth will always leave you short. We all have our own talents, strengths, skills, and abilities and we should never measure or compare ourselves against another. We can only measure ourselves against our own potential and against the person we were the day before. When it comes to your potential, it’s important to recognize the things you enjoy, excel, and have a bent toward. Then tap into those things. Let’s follow the big play book and “pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare (measure) yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” ~Galatians 6:4-5 NLT Keep your yardstick close. Watch for the blind spots and build a better you. Please share, like or comment on this post. I appreciate your feedback. If you would like to know more about discovering your blind spots, grab a copy of the book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #wednesday #wednesdaymotivation #wednesdaymood #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #growtogether #mindsetiseverything #marriagecoach #relationships #relationshiprevolution #relationshipcoach #relationships #relationshiptips #dothingsright #networkingdonedifferent #businesscoaching #relationalintelligence #limitingbelief #comparisonisthethiefofjoy #comparison #galatians