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In relationships, "why" can be a substitute for "Prove to me, but I bet you can't." I call “why” the worry question. Questions like: Why are you late? Why are you telling me this? Why didn't you call? Why questions display an attitude of emotional frustration. Why questions in relationships have unhealthy energy that shifts to another? This little three-letter word can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Continuing to ask "why" can indicate a lack of mistrust that erodes the relationship's foundation. Instead of openly discussing feelings and concerns, it is easy to get stuck in a cycle of interrogation, making the other feel defensive and less likely to communicate openly. I expose my insecurity when I ask why excessively. It can indicate a need for reassurance or validation, which, if not appropriately addressed, can become a source of tension in the relationship. Constantly asking "why" can lead to micromanaging my partner's actions and decisions. This can suffocate and make your partner feel continually scrutinized, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship dynamic. Substituting "How come?" or "Help me understand" is a gentle and engaging question rather than caustic or repelling. These types of questions open communication because they do not initiate defensiveness. I disclose my concerns by talking about myself, which fosters connections, rather than asking why. Instead of saying, "Why are you late?" I could say something about myself, "I'm glad to see you. I was worried. I was making up a story about you being in an accident or forgetting me. Isn't that amazing?" When I worry, I can make up the darndest stories. This kind of conversation promotes connection, builds relationships, and allows me to be honest about my concerns rather than cause defensiveness and separateness. How about you? Would you be willing to substitute a conversation about yourself rather than put the other on the defensive by asking “why”? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

During a conversation with a couple a few days ago, I overheard a remark that struck a chord within me. The wife expressed her feeling as though he was treating her like he was her dad. He quickly dismissed it, stating he would never do such a thing. Instantly, my alarm bells rang, triggering a sense of déjà vu. How often had I found myself in similar situations, oblivious to my offensive behavior or tone? Reflecting on past encounters, I remembered how my inability to accept constructive criticism hindered my relationships. My failure to acknowledge my imperfections had inadvertently caused harm and discord, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. This inability to hear feedback effectively obstructed communication and understanding, resulting in the gradual deterioration for a meaningful connection. You are loud, controlling, perfect, angry, mean, and right are just a few words that reveal important clues that a relationship is in trouble. To dismiss these cries for help is to not hear a cry for a closer relationship. These words can be heard as complaints, but I now see them as compliments in disguise. I would feel closer to you if I was not treated this way. Neglecting to pay attention to constructive criticism stunted my personal growth and development. I was unaware that constructive feedback is a valuable tool for self-improvement, offering insights into areas needing refinement. Yet, my reluctance to accept criticism left me stagnant, missing out on opportunities for growth and development. I had a delicate opportunity to assist the husband in recognizing that she was giving this feedback so she could feel closer to him. It was important to help him understand and appreciate his defensiveness and inability to hear such important information kept him at bay. We talked about her experience of being treated like a small girl and how this experience was such a turnoff to intimacy and connection. He was able to hear that he was pushing her away. The key is if the lesson sticks. How about you? Can you hear what you don’t want to hear? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Some time back, I was talking with Ralph and Robin. Their children's activities filled their calendar, which was a burden for their family. The stress brought on by the upheaval in the family affected their communication. Ralph and Robin faced the typical challenges of balancing work, family, and personal aspirations. Relationships can quickly become strained under the weight of responsibilities and distractions. As we worked through some of these issues, the word prudence came up in our conversation. Prudence is a rather uncommon word in my circle. At its core, prudence is about foresight, discernment, and sound judgment. In a world that often celebrates impulsivity and instant gratification, prudence stands as wisdom, reminding us to pause, reflect, and consider the long-term implications of decisions. It provides the capacity to thoroughly consider the effects of our decisions before leaping into the unknown. Recognizing that impulsive reactions and hasty decisions often lead to misunderstandings and conflict, the couple embarked on a journey to become intentionally prudent. We discussed thoughtful communication, taking the time to listen and understand each other's perspectives before responding. Rather than responding rashly to arguments or annoyances, they exercised self-control and patience, letting feelings subside before tackling problems. Prudence became their guiding light, influencing their communication and their decision-making. From financial planning to parenting choices, they carefully considered each situation, weighing the potential outcomes and implications. Rather than challenging each other, this newfound focus on prudence fostered a sense of trust and stability in their relationship as they learned to rely on each other's judgment and support. Over time, Ralph and Robin noticed a significant shift in their relationship. By prioritizing prudence, they found themselves better equipped to navigate the challenges they faced as a couple. They became more resilient and found strength in their shared commitments. By embracing prudence as a guiding principle, they discovered a more profound sense of connection, understanding, and harmony in their relationship, laying a solid foundation for a future filled with love and growth. How about you? Could your focus on prudence enhance your relationship? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, it is invaluable to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I may not be as young or agile as some of you. I have worked with computers for 30 years but consider myself a sixth or seventh grader in IT. I occasionally purchase new software to make my work more accessible, but I only find myself behind the eight ball again. I like to have things working well and not be waiting on anyone for answers. Occasionally, I hit my wits end. Yep, this is where I am no longer in charge, and sometimes, I need to figure out where to go for answers. I come from the world of picking up the phone, dialing a number, and talking through issues until they are resolved. That is not my world today. Looking for answers online is sometimes fun and productive when I find what I am looking for. I find that familiar "at my wits end" experience if I can't. For the past two weeks, I have been searching for assistance with my new software. On the chat lines, I have been getting tiny bits of information but mostly referrals to another person or department who fails to respond. Guess what? I have it all figured out today. What a refreshing feeling. When I hit my wit's end, it feels as if my mental and emotional resources are depleted. A new beginning is not just a fresh start but a deeper journey into self-awareness and self-expression. It's about exploring uncharted territories and cultivating a mindset that sees opportunities in obstacles. I must remember every time I hit my wit's end, I am presented with a blank canvas, inviting me to paint a new picture of growth, resilience, and the endless possibilities that life offers. It is a great experience to get answers. I must remind myself when answers are not readily available, and I'm at my wits' end, that it's not the end, but a pivotal point that reveals new beginnings. How about you? Do you need to be reminded of your opportunities for new beginnings? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

At times, I meet with a quiet and shy person who prefers to avoid visual and verbal contact. It is fascinating to go to a coffee shop with them and see how often they can transcend their inhibitions and get a gentle reaction from others. I learned this through lunch with friends who are much more gregarious than I am. My life is busy, and I take pleasure in learning something different. I often get a kick out of surprising someone with a warm hello. It occasionally catches them off guard, and they come back with a surprised but welcoming hello. I have also been the recipient of such a surprise hello and find it very enjoyable. Wake up and smell the coffee, Jerry! With his wit and warmth, Will Rogers gifted us a profound insight when he said, "A stranger is just a friend you ain't met yet." This phrase, simple at first glance, holds deep wisdom about the nature of human connections and the potential each new encounter harbors. It commands me to view every unfamiliar face not with apprehension but with the anticipation of friendship. In my fast-paced world, where isolation often creeps into my crowded life, Rogers' words echo a timeless call to rediscover the joy of connecting with others. This magic often starts with a friendly smile. This universal sign of goodwill can bridge worlds, transcending language, and cultural barriers. It's an invitation, a silent greeting that says, "I see you, and I come in peace." A smile can disarm doubts, soften hearts, and pave the way for a genuine connection. It's the first step in turning the unknown into the familiar, a stranger into a friend. Will Rogers' quote is a gentle reminder of the beauty and simplicity of human connection. I enjoy giving away a friendly smile, a kind gesture, an open posture, and other means of reaching out to strangers. I'm looking for friends I ain't met yet. How about you? Have you met any strangers lately that could be your friend? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share or comment. Thank you. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Last week's sermon focused on the parable of the Good Samaritan. It spoke of Jesus' teaching about going beyond cultural or religious borders. It emphasized loving others as we love ourselves, highlighting the universal need for kindness, compassion, and understanding. This message resonates deeply, challenging me to overcome ingrained biases from my upbringing. Growing up, I learned to focus on judgment and exclude those different from me. This reminder that a true neighbor isn't conditional on agreement but is about building a community anchored in empathy and support. Today, where digital interactions often overshadow physical connections, being a considerate neighbor is essential. I witness the rise of hate, judgment, and divisiveness, underscoring the importance of kindness and understanding. Today, my journey toward being a good neighbor begins with similarities, not differences. It starts with respect—acknowledging each other's privacy, space, and peace. It's about fostering open, honest communication, greeting others with a smile, and addressing concerns with diplomacy. This approach builds trust and solid, resilient connections. I want to be present for others, especially in challenging times. Whether it's ordinary tasks or more resounding support during personal struggles, these acts of kindness create a cohesive community. At the core of such interactions is empathy. Appreciating others' experiences, sharing their joys and sorrows, and recognizing shared humanity enrich the community spirit. I have grown to know everyone has a unique story, and acknowledging this diversity with empathy and care can transform my connections into a supporting environment. When I commit to being a good neighbor, I commit to a welcoming, safe, and inclusive experience for all around me. It involves practicing kindness, respect, and a collective responsibility toward well-being. By representing these values, I enhance my life and inspire others, encouraging them to contribute to a culture of understanding and support. Being a good neighbor is about cultivating a space where everyone is valued and establishing a community that thrives on mutual respect and shared joy. How about you? Who is your neighbor? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

A friend mentioned a workshop regarding paying attention. This caught me by surprise as I began to think of all the things I take for granted. So many sights and sounds are repeatedly seen and heard that they blend into nothingness. It is easy for me to notice the anomalies and allow them to capture my attention, but am I looking at the ordinary, or am I looking for the beautiful, fascinating, and exciting things around me? It is surprising how much sneaks past my attention. How many details evade my sight, how many whispers fade unheard, how many scents elude my nose, how many flavors escape my tongue, and how many textures evade my touch? The sheer magnitude of what I overlook is staggering. Do I look for the moment or enjoyment? Do I chew for the taste or to satisfy my hunger? Do I listen for what I didn’t hear? Did I smell something new or familiar without allowing it to catch my attention? Did I pay attention to texture, or did I touch and go? Rushing through my routines can cause me to miss some profound moments. No doubt, I am a creature of habit and routine. I can rush through my days preoccupied with to-do lists and deadlines, dulling my senses by the monotony of the familiar. I take so much for granted—the mundane sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and sensations that make up my existence. I have missed out on the subtle beauty of the world around me, the simple joys that enrich my life, and the moments of connection that nourish my soul. I have missed the opportunity to experience each precious moment and be fully and truly present. I want to be acutely aware, take a moment to pause, breathe, look around, and notice the beauty and magic in the ordinary. I choose to pay attention to the world unfolding before me, to the symphony of life playing out all around me. How about you? Do you need this reminder like I did? Watch for the blind spots. Your feedback is invaluable, please comment, like and share. Thank you. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

My friend BM constantly reminds me that I am building memories. I am building my legacy, writing my eulogy daily with each encounter. BM is so rich with his stories, travels, encounters, and the difference he makes in the lives of others. Whenever I talk to him, I get inspired about life and the people I meet. Memories are the threads that weave my experiences together, forming the story of my existence. Every moment I live becomes a memory for myself and others. It's easy to overlook the significance of these moments and their profound impact on shaping who I am. Building memories makes me the architect of my story. Whether it's a shared laugh with a friend, a quiet moment of introspection, or a significant milestone, these moments are not just transient occurrences but instead building blocks of my identity. Understanding the importance of building memories encourages me to live with intentionality. This awareness empowers me to prioritize experiences that align with my values and aspirations, fostering a meaningful and fulfilling life. In times of adversity, memories serve me as beacons of hope and resilience, reminding me of my capacity to overcome challenges and find joy amidst hardship. They provide me solace in moments of grief as I hold onto cherished memories of loved ones who have passed, keeping their spirit alive in my heart. Furthermore, reminiscing allows me to relive past experiences, evoking emotions and sensations that transport me back in time. Every moment I live becomes a memory, etched into the corridors of my mind. When I recognize that every experience has the potential to become a cherished memory, I become more attuned to the richness of life itself. Building memories reminds me to live fully and authentically, embracing each moment with gratitude and curiosity. It's an invitation to cultivate a life rich in experiences, relationships, and adventures, knowing that every memory I create is a treasure to cherish forever. How about you? Are you building memories you want your legacy to reflect? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, it is invaluable. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Ralph sat at his desk, surrounded by the soft hum of computers and the occasional clack of keyboards. He was the newest software engineer at a prestigious tech company, a position he'd landed after months of rigorous interviews and coding challenges. Yet, as he stared at his screen, a familiar, gnawing feeling twisted in his gut. He couldn’t shake off the thought that he didn’t truly belong here, that his acceptance was a fluke. Despite his colleagues praising his innovative solution to a recent problem, Ralph attributed it to sheer luck rather than skill. He felt like an imposter, masquerading among geniuses, fearing the day they’d all discover he wasn’t one of them. Ralph was suffering from imposter syndrome. This is a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud," despite evidence of their competence. This condition affects people across various professions and walks of life, leading to a myriad of negative impacts on both personal and professional levels. The constant worry about not being good enough or being discovered as “The Fraud” can take a toll on my emotional well-being, leading to burnout and even physical health issues due to the stress-induced by these feelings. If I am suffering from imposter syndrome, I might also experience a perpetual state of self-doubt, which can hinder my ability to make decisions and assert myself. This leads to procrastination or over-preparation for tasks. The ripple effects of imposter syndrome extend into interpersonal relationships as well. It can lead to withdrawal from social interactions or reluctance to form new relationships due to fears of being judged or exposed. This isolation can aggravate feelings of loneliness and reinforce “The Fraud”, creating a vicious cycle. In many roles in my life, I have suffered from imposter syndrome. As I look back, it isn’t about appearing haughty or arrogant, but feeling that I am less. How about you? Can feeling like “The Fraud” be limiting you? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, it is invaluable. Please like, share or comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Many of you have heard of my growing up without any awareness of emotional maturation. It was foreign to me. If someone gave me an example, I could feel and exhibit the emotion, such as being frustrated, nervous, or bored. If someone asked me how or what I felt at any particular time, I could not identify or express what was happening internally. This may not seem possible for some, yet to me, it was impossible. I needed more understanding when it came to recognizing and understanding emotions and how they play out in relationships. I experienced only two emotions: happy and mad. Starting from this conflicted point of view was a terrible way to begin a journey as a husband, father, or leader. Growing up without understanding how emotions impact relationships at home and in the workplace led to significant challenges throughout my personal and professional life. Emotional maturity encompasses recognizing, comprehending, managing emotions, and influencing others. This is pivotal in fostering healthy interpersonal relationships and achieving professional success. Without a grounding in emotional education, I often lacked the skills to navigate conflicts constructively. Instead of responding to tense situations with an empathetic, calm, and understanding approach, I might react impulsively or defensively, aggravating disagreements and harming relationships. Deficiencies in this area can result in inappropriate emotional expressions, such as outbursts or withdrawal in personal settings, which can disrupt communication and problem-solving efforts. Mastering emotional intelligence skills such as self-awareness, empathy, emotional regulation, and effective communication requires intentional practice. Developing these skills can significantly enhance my quality of life, relationships, and career success, breaking the cycle of emotional misunderstandings. Lacking a model for emotional maturity made it challenging to guide my children in understanding emotions and managing relationships, potentially perpetuating this cycle across generations. What a different approach I have today. I am responsible for identifying my emotions and recognizing the feelings of others to be able to be in healthy relationships. How about you? What grade would you give yourself regarding your emotional maturity? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

As many of you know, I had a great career with GTE from 1969 to 1999. I graduated and was promoted to Project Coordinator, Senior Engineer, and Engineering and Construction Manager. Downsizing caught me during my last couple of years, and I was demoted to Special Projects Engineer. I was crushed that I ended my career with declining responsibilities even though my salary was not affected. I got a great deal and didn't recognize it at first. This enabled me to return to school and complete a Marriage and Family Therapy degree. For the past 25 years, I have had the opportunity to meet the finest people who are looking for a better life. What a privilege to walk along with them as they experience breakthroughs. "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein These words encapsulate a profound truth about the nature of challenges and adversities. I will inevitably encounter more obstacles, setbacks, and moments of difficulty. Yet, hidden within these trying circumstances are often the seeds of opportunity waiting to be discovered and nurtured. When faced with difficulties, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or even defeated is natural. However, during these challenging times, I can grow, learn, and transform myself and my situations. Adversity reveals my inner strength, resilience, and creativity, pushing me to think outside the box and tap into resources I may not have known I possessed. Difficult times can be catalysts for profound personal growth and self-discovery. Navigating through difficulties can lead to unexpected paths and outcomes that I may never have considered otherwise, like going from an engineering profession to counseling. It's like finding a hidden door amid a maze - what initially seemed like an insurmountable obstacle becomes a doorway to new possibilities and opportunities for growth and fulfillment. How about you? Can you see opportunities within your difficulties? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, it is invaluable. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I visited a veteran at the Richard A. Anderson Texas State Veteran's Home yesterday. This is a beautiful facility with 144 individual rooms. I was reminded of all who have sacrificed and given everything or almost everything to keep our beautiful nation free. "When I hear the Pledge of Allegiance recited at an accelerated pace, I wonder if we have lost the true meaning of these words." I, among many, have had the honor to serve and defend the values and freedoms of our great nation. The Pledge of Allegiance holds a deeply personal significance to me. It is a solemn oath, a declaration of loyalty, and a reminder of the sacrifices, life, and limb made by countless individuals in service to this country. I see our nation endowed with strength, wealth, prosperity, and dreams like no other country. However, in today's fast-paced world, the pledge is often recited hastily, its words rolling off the tongue without considering their meaning. When I hear the pledge spoken in a rushed manner, it saddens me because I know firsthand the weight of those words. Each promise represents the ideals we fought to protect. But when recited without pause or reflection, it loses its power, its significance diminished by rote repetition. For me, the pledge is more than just a string of words—it symbolizes our commitment to upholding the principles of freedom and justice. It is a reminder of the friends we lost, the battles we fought, and the price we paid to safeguard the liberties of our fellow Americans. To recite the pledge thoughtlessly cheapens the sacrifices made by generations of brave men and women who laid down their lives so that we may live in a land of liberty and opportunity. I am reminded of the families who have endured the ultimate sacrifice—the loss of a loved one in defense of freedom. I choose not to take the pledge lightly, to pause, reflect, and remember the true meaning behind those words. How about you? How sincere is your pledge of allegiance? Watch for the blind spots. THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE "I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all". Thank you for your feedback, it is important to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp