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  • Passive. Aggressive. Assertive.

    We have all experienced them, the friend that fly’s off the handle at a waiter, the roommate that leaves notes instead of talking, the coworkers that refuse to stand up for themselves no matter the personal cost. All of these scenarios represent an inability to properly communicate emotions in a productive way. Emotions make us human, but they can get the best of us, especially when communicating. Intense emotions can lead to unhealthy interactions with others if unmanaged. Do you know the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior? You may have been in a situation with these behaviors and did not understand how you or the other person were coming across in the conversation. I say that passive and aggressive are on the extreme ends of a continuum, and assertive is on a continuum of its own, where you are either mildly assertive or boldly assertive. —PASSIVE Someone who is passive tends to avoid conflict and will agree with others despite how they feel. Have a tendency to let people walk on them. —AGGRESSIVE A person who is behaving aggressively may dominate a group, or use humiliation or attacks to gain control. Have a tendency to run over people, criticizing, insulting, and intimidating. —ASSERTIVE A person who is behaving assertively will be both respectful and clear when disagreeing with others. They are honest, fair, and direct. Have a tendency to set good limits and boundaries. Knowing these key behaviors you can begin to construct and implement strategies for conversations that are direct, and respectful, building a better you and how you show up. To learn how to create healthy relationships, step back from assumptions, set good boundaries, and realistic expectations to help benefit you and the people around you. So many disagreements and hurt feelings can be avoided by understanding the distinction between these 3. Communication is key to healthy relationships, the more effort, intentionality, and focus we put into this, the more fulfilling and emotionally mature our relationships will become. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #beliefsystem #corebeliefs #blindspots #responddontreact #dailyfocus #changedaily #opportunity #mindsetmastery #counselingworks #relationshipgoals #focusonyourself #weeklyhabits #dailyinspiration #communicationiskey #emotionalmaturity #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #passiveaggressive #assertivecommunication #mentalhealth #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #communicationmatters

  • Rear-view mirror as big as the windshield

    Are you driving down life’s highway with a rear-view mirror as big as the windshield? Sounds silly but we do not realize what a blind spot this is and how it puts us on a collision course in life. The rear-view mirror in your car was created small compared to the windshield because we drive looking ahead, not behind. We can spend so much time looking at what is behind us and find ourselves stuck, or worse, crash because we are not focused on where we are heading. Sometimes we focus on our problems because it is easier to complain about our circumstances and make excuses for our unhappiness. Believe me, limitations do not hold you back as much as the attention you give them. "Never let yesterday, use up too much of today.” —Will Rogers Start paying more attention to what is ahead, it will increase your potential and allow you to experience the positive emotions of spontaneity, and happiness. I know it can be valuable and meaningful to spend time briefly reviewing our setbacks to know what works and what does not. But we are also the only ones that make the effort to emphasize the “positive” things to minimize the impact of the "negative" things. Shrink your rear-view mirror to the right size! Your problems will become immediately smaller, and you can focus on the beautiful panoramic view ahead. In other words, look back to learn but focus forward to the opportunities in front of you. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #beliefsystem #corebeliefs #blindspots #responddontreact #dailyfocus #changedaily #opportunity #mindsetmastery #counselingworks #relationshipgoals #focusonyourself #weeklyhabits #dailyinspiration #communicationiskey #emotionalmaturity #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #passiveaggressive #assertivecommunication #mentalhealth #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #communicationmatters

  • Manipulation

    Manipulation is a tactic someone uses to “pull your strings” and gain control over you by making you feel bad about your “authentic” thoughts, feelings, and actions. They use strategies like lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and "the silent treatment," among others, to get you to believe that you are wrong and that they are right. You may feel confused, caught off guard, uncertain about what to think or feel, and find yourself apologizing for something that is not your fault to put them at ease. When I hear the word manipulation I go back to "locus of control." Remember, locus of control is the principle that our lives are full of actions and outcomes, every person is in charge of their behavior and decisions, and we place the locus, or location, either externally or internally. If I say, “You are manipulating me.” I give you control. This is an ‘external’ locus of control. I attribute the outcome to external forces beyond my control and find myself feeling helpless to enact change. But the truth is my level of control often resides only in my perception of it. Between this real and perceived control is the choice to believe in myself and my ability to change it. If I say, “I am “allowing” myself to be manipulated I can “disallow” manipulation.” This is an ‘internal’ locus of control, I have personal control over my own behavior. Choice makes all the difference in how you feel about something. Whether manipulation is in the form of verbal put-downs, name calling, trying to guilt you, abuse, or threats—rather than viewing yourself as simply a passive bystander who is caught up in the flow of life, think about actions you can take that will have an impact on the outcome. A healthy relationship—personal or business—is based on trust, understanding, and mutual respect. Live your life with authenticity, set clear boundaries, stand up for yourself and remember who you are. Your locus of control influences not only how you respond to manipulation, but the consequences of your actions help determine your beliefs about the results of future situations. Sounds silly but we do not realize what a blind spot this is and how it puts us on a collision course in life. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #beliefsystem #corebeliefs #blindspots #responddontreact #dailyfocus #changedaily #opportunity #mindsetmastery #counselingworks #relationshipgoals #focusonyourself #weeklyhabits #dailyinspiration #communicationiskey #emotionalmaturity #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #passiveaggressive #assertivecommunication #mentalhealth #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #communicationmatters

  • “I heard her smile”

    I just happened to hear a conversation that was taking place and this sentence captured my attention, “I heard her smile”, they said. "I heard her smile." I wrote it down so I would not forget it, it made me smile and they did not even know. The power of their words was not only on the giving end but also on the receiving end. They had given words or a word that caused a reaction in her and they received back “without seeing” because of the closeness of the relationship. They “heard” her smile. Words are a big deal, how that sentence affected me shows their power. I counsel and mentor people every day and one thing I notice time after time is how much power our words hold. We use a lot of words every single day, and like stones thrown into a lake, we do not always know how far our words may ripple out. All their effects cannot be foreseen, and way too often, we do not even think about what we are saying. Words affect your emotions and the emotions of others; they empower or disempower. It is all too easy just to blurt out your emotions and thoughts; it takes control, fortitude, and integrity to express your words in an emotionally mature way no matter what the situation. “There are two ways to speak the truth: as bullets or as seeds...” —Gary Chapman Stop and take a breath before you speak. “I heard her smile.” What would it be like to say that about an experience in your relationship? What powerful “seeds” were spoken to emit the smile that was heard? Paying attention and being able to understand emotions from “hearing”, is vitally important, especially since a lot of your conversations take place without any direct contact. Think about how you communicate. Be attentive to the words you speak, so you too “hear” the smile. Your words are not just for now, your words go beyond you. Someone is always listening. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #beliefsystem #corebeliefs #blindspots #responddontreact #dailyfocus #changedaily #opportunity #mindsetmastery #counselingworks #relationshipgoals #focusonyourself #weeklyhabits #dailyinspiration #communicationiskey #emotionalmaturity #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #passiveaggressive #assertivecommunication #mentalhealth #communicationmatters

  • Resilience

    Think of a bouncing ball. When a ball hits the ground, the force or pressure causes it to bounce back. That is what resilience means—the ability to bounce back. Resilience is the capability to withstand adversity in difficult life events, personal crises, abuse, bullying, job loss, financial instability, and any other life circumstances. Resilience is not something that you are born with. Resilience develops as people grow, gain knowledge, better thinking, and emotional maturity. Believe me, it is not adversity that makes people stronger—it is the “process” of facing life, learning, and persevering. In this process, people experience their “own” capabilities and gain confidence about overcoming future difficulties. In the big playbook, Jesus gave us a key to being resilient, “In the world, you have tribulation, trials, distress, and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted!] For I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33 AMPC Resilience is the power to overcome setbacks and live the life we have imagined. It reminds me of Thomas Edison. He made thousands of prototypes of the light bulb. Despite struggling with "failure" throughout his entire working life, Edison never let it get the best of him. All of these "failures," which are reported to be in the tens of thousands, simply showed him how not to invent something. His resilience gave the world some of the most amazing inventions of the early 20th century—the phonograph, the telegraph, and the motion picture. It is hard to imagine what our world would be like if Edison had given up, not taken courage, and stayed confident and undaunted after his first few failures. It forces us to look at our own lives. Resilient people do not crumble in times of crisis, they regroup and move forward. Do you have the resilience to overcome your challenges and bounce back? Think of what you will accomplish if you do not give up. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #bettereveryday #resilience #resiliencecoach #counselingworks #familytherapy #communicationiskey #comebackstronger #comeback #BounceBack #failforward #dontgiveup #nevergiveup #morethanaconqueror #undaunted

  • Trust is the cement...

    Riddle me this—what takes effort to build, is easy to ruin, and is essential to any emotionally healthy relationship? TRUST. Trust is the cement of relationships. It is the foundational principle that holds it all together and is an indispensable component in effective communication. To trust someone means you can depend on them, are comfortable confiding in them, and feel secure with them. Without trust, it can be hard for relationships to grow and progress to a deeper level. Trust is something that takes effort to establish and when trust is fractured or shatters into pieces, it is difficult to reset. This might sound like a no-brainer, but belittling, criticizing, and yelling fracture trust—fast. I see it often, a relationship without trust is insecure, chaotic, and becomes dysfunctional. We are fallible and will make mistakes that can inevitably shatter the trust between us. Trust is the cement and cement is solid and unwavering, but if neglected, and without due care and attention it can fracture, crack, and collapse under pressure. You have seen holes, divots, or damaged joints repaired in highways, sidewalks, or patios only to see them fail again days or weeks later. Failed repairs are not uncommon. Fractured trust is the same. You cannot just throw cement down, and smooth it over—it must be cut back, poured again, and allowed time to reset. How the fracture is repaired is key to reinforcing the relationship. A sincere apology, (WHICH CHANGES BEHAVIOR), and forgiveness are a great start; learning not to blame, project, or minimize is an emotionally mature skill when it comes to fortifying resilient relationships. It may take some time, but it is possible to reset the bond together and into the future. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bettereveryday #blindspots #trustinrelationships #trusttheprocess #counselingworks #forgiveness #communicationiskey #emotionalintelligence #emotionalmaturity #guardyourheart #takecontrolofyourlife #buildabetterfuture

  • Individuation

    Individuation is a process by which a person becomes an “individual.” It is a separation of intellect, emotion, and independence of self from others. It means being able to be guided and in charge of your own thoughts or emotions and not others’ expectations or emotions. The greater the level of individuation, the more you can act from your own core under any circumstance. Being fused is the opposite of individuation. If you are “fused,” whatever is going on around you is impacting and influencing your thinking and your choices. If you are individuated, you can think alone, making your mind up about what you need, value and desire. It is essential for the individuation process to mature independent of the pressures and loyalties of the family social system. Individuation is a process that brings “stability and balance” to every area of your life. Think of a gyroscope. (Later replaced by a ring laser gyro.) When not in motion there is nothing special about it. However, when it is spinning, an energy is created that allows it to remain stable, moving in its own momentum, it is very hard to steer it off course. Regardless of whatever it is attached to—robots, planes, boats, or any other navigation system, it remains steady. If an airplane is on autopilot and it leans to the right the gyroscope reorients to level and balance the plane. This is only one of many functions it has for auto-correction. The gyroscope “holds steady” in times of great chaos and unpredictability. Individuation is your inner gyroscope; allowing you to maintain stability and balance, survive, and even prosper as your belief systems, fears, anxiety, finances, and relational situations fluctuate. Through this process of individuation, we cultivate wholeness and become authentic emotionally mature human beings. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bettereveryday #blindspots #mindsetmastery #individuation #emotionalhealth #leadershipcoaching #counselingworks #buildingrelationships #communicationiskey #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #gyroscope #balancedlifestyle #buildabetterfuture

  • Self-built glasshouses of pain

    We put up walls to keep the pain out and wind up cementing the hurt in. We keep emotional pain inside and build walls around us thinking it will keep us safe, secure, and protected. We learn to expect little from others, and we settle for not expressing our emotions because talking about them makes us feel vulnerable. We may have felt betrayed, loss of trust, or have had our hearts broken. As these experiences happen, we begin brick by brick to build emotional walls of self-preservation. Whatever our reasons for building them, they are good ones. These preemptive walls serve an important purpose at first—they help guard us from any further onslaught while we are tending to the wounds that require immediate attention. These walls initially constructed to provide a safe place, if left unchecked, unintentionally become our own self-built glasshouse. Any possibility of connecting is exchanged for the illusion of protection. It hurts to hurt, no doubt. But when we allow our emotions to become “walled off”, we pay an even heavier price. It is caustic to any meaningful, supportive relationships, or feelings of purpose and direction. When the walls we build go from keeping us safe to isolating, trapping, and keeping us from reaching out, we have to think long and hard about why we have built them up, and decide if they are doing more harm than good. “The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.” —Jim Rohn Walls don’t protect us, they keep us locked in a struggle of our own creation. Let’s put our guard down, chip away at the walls, and let the light in. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #parentingtips #parentinglife #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday #emotionalintelligence #consistencyiskey #jimrohn #mindsetmastery #ahamoment

  • Life, love and the pursuit...

    Life, love, and the “pursuit” of…. relationships. There is nothing more thrilling, more exciting than the feeling that “the one” is attracted to you and the pursuit begins. You become completely wrapped up in one another’s lives, inseparable. Yes, life cannot be sweeter. But it is just a memory because you have been feeling for the past few months, maybe even years now stuck in a rut, the chemistry is toned down, communication is off, and something just feels adrift. Now you seem to only pursue jobs, dinner, kids, school, and events, and along the way, your world has turned into a continuous daily grind. You feel underappreciated and like all your efforts go unrecognized. This is not the way it used to be. You ask yourself, “what happened to us?” How did it go from “Every little thing she does is magic, to "You’ve lost that loving feeling?” You must recognize that life is constantly changing. Many times, in my office I am asked a question, “Why am I the only one who has to change?” or “Why don’t you pick on him/her?” The major issue is wanting the other person to change. After all, change is horribly difficult and when I see that the other person can change and cause our life to be more pleasant, balanced, and joyful, it makes sense for them to change. Interestingly enough, they do not want to change for the same reasons. I have discovered the secret to this dilemma is to change myself. We all go through rough patches in our relationships—every relationship—not just marriage. Reclaiming and restoring pursuit in relationships is vital; it is a huge missing piece. No matter how you move forward, remind yourself that all relationships take work, it does not mean it is over… it is just a chance to grow. It is not so much the grand gestures as it is the, I see you’s, the thanks for all the seemingly small, simple things that get done that truly hold us together. Long, happy relationships are about working together, committing to improvement, being
 compassionate, showing appreciation, life, love, and the pursuit! Have you ever felt you weren't pursued in your relationships? Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #guardyourheart #takecontrolofyourlife #counselingworks #workculture #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #pursuitofhappiness #selfawarenessispower #communicationiskey #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #balancedlifestyle #buildabetterfuture

  • Change Orbits

    Relationships become predictable when we do the same thing repeatedly, even if it doesn't work. You say this…I respond with that… I do this…you do that… These predictable conversations or actions create an “orbit.” An orbit is a perpetual elliptical path that one object in space takes around another. It is the same in relationships, we create an orbit that moves in the same trajectory path and becomes predictable in nature. When engaging in these familiar activities, we never resolve any issues, and actions usually end with disappointment and without closure. This is the beginning of a fractured relationship. It is vital to start fresh discussions or take new actions that can lead to resolutions in order to get over this. I call this flying in a new orbit. Problems arise when one partner endeavors to make a change for the better but the other feels uncomfortable and they try everything within their power to return the relationship to its familiar old orbit. We tend to hang out in what is familiar rather than what is good for us. If I choose to show up differently in my relationships to create a win-win for us, it is imperative that I stay in this new orbit even if things don't improve right away. When I choose something new to promote this win-win without putting the other in a defensive mode, I have established a new orbit. This could be that I choose not to allow an argument to get out of hand, or that I will not allow someone to bully me or defame me. After choosing the new orbit, I must ACT in a manner to show the other I am serious about what I need for a win-win. Another example could be a debate that fuels polarization, anxiety and worry. If this dispute was written on a tablet instead of speaking, it might be handled differently. As a result, anxiety may decrease, and reason and intellect may be better employed. Sustained change is the secret to success when you choose a new orbit. It is necessary to stay on the new path until the other sees the advantage of the new way of doing things. Thus, a new orbit is created. Is this easy? No. Is it fruitful in building a stronger relationship? Absolutely. Be open to recognizing and even celebrating what makes each of you healthier in this relationship. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #bettereveryday #counselingworks #staypositive #keeptalking #leadershipcoaching #mentorship #resilience #communicationiskey #counselingworks #buildingrelationships #communicationiskey

  • BLAME

    You are in a classroom where students are working on a group project. The deadline is approaching, but they are far from finishing and the teacher is inquiring about their status. Immediately the students start to explain themselves, everyone starts to point fingers and the discussion goes round in circles as they try to avoid the blame and pin it on someone else. “Not MY fault” Ouch! [Blind Spot] Blame avoids culpability. Blame means I do not need to change because if you would just do things correctly, there would be no problem. (By the way, I determine what is correct) [Blind Spot] When something goes wrong, it can be tempting to self-protect and blame somebody else. The situation suffers if everyone is more concerned with assigning blame than finding a solution. Laying blame leads to toxic relationships as people turn against each other and attack one another. Benjamin Franklin stated, “Blame-all and Praise-all are two blockheads." [Blind Spot] Blame is fascinating, you can see how it shapes our lives as an amicable way of positioning ourselves, a gentle spar or wisecrack. Blame is a shame monster. It will break apart marriages and wreck relationships. Continuous blame is a form of bullying and bullying produces shame which is a confidence thief. Blame immobilizes social programs; desecrates corporations; can unseat and overthrow governments; start conflicts and justify murderous acts on humanity. It offers no solutions. It’s a trap. A blind alley. Though blaming is common and natural, we must learn not to trade in it. There is no finer source of joy than being present, taking responsibility for things that are not working well, and finding opportunities and solutions with others. Is blame a blind spot for you? Perhaps it might be healthy to ask the ones closest to you. Avoiding the trap of blaming, improves your emotional maturity, quality of life, and effectiveness. Responsibility is the art of leaders! Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #guardyourheart #takecontrolofyourlife #counselingworks #workculture #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #inspirationalwords #selfawarenessispower #communicationiskey #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #balancedlifestyle #buildabetterfuture

  • Alleviate Anxiousness

    I think we have all been there, our son, daughter, or someone we care about comes to us and says, “I am not smart enough!”, “I am not pretty.” “I can’t do anything right!” And before they can even get the words out, we are like, “Oh yes you are! You are the smartest young man I know!” or “You are very pretty.” “You can do it and you will!” We grab at the low-hanging fruit thinking “I got this!” and in our haste to make them feel better, we do the opposite. We invalidate their emotions and tell them they are wrong about how they feel. When someone says they are not smart, pretty, handsome, good enough, or right, it is because in their mind; they are very troubled, frustrated, or may even have a logical example that backs up their statement. They are not wanting to be changed. They are expressing what they feel now and reaching out for connection. I had always assumed they needed me to step in and make it right. Not so, they are wanting to be heard, understood, and do not want to be told what to do. They are needing to hear their voice. They are attempting to reduce anxiety and stress by talking it out. What I choose in this situation goes a long way to determine who they are, how they see themselves, and what direction things will go. The more they can talk about what is going on inside, the better they begin to understand themselves. Ask gently curious questions to help them. "How long have you been thinking this way?" "What else can you tell me about this?" "What do you need from me?" Gently curious questions provoke them to seek and process what they are facing. We must remember that this is not the time to debate their feelings but to encourage and support them, to drill down and help them identify what they are experiencing. After the conversation has ended, I suggest waiting a minimum of two hours, then going to them and asking a question like, “Remember when you said you were not handsome, would it be okay if I did not agree with that?” Letting time pass fosters connection; now they can hear what they could not hear earlier, which will very likely dispel some of the anxiety they experienced. I have to remind myself; that safe listening, ‘gently curious’ questions and time are keys to helping others alleviate anxiousness, allowing them to hear who they are. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #guardyourheart #takecontrolofyourlife #counselingworks #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #inspirationalwords #selfawarenessispower #communicationiskey #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #anxietyrelief #anxietyisreal

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