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I must admit my own judgment, or misjudgment has gotten me into trouble too many times. I developed a false preconception due to bias, prejudice, and stereotyping. I hate it when I am wrong, especially about others. A couple of weeks ago, my friend Kevin asked to hear more about respect. I certainly appreciate these requests. I find it easier to relate to these types of inquiries by explaining what it means to me, and for me, it is easier to identify what things are by first looking at what they are not. For instance, disrespect to me, is showing insult, acting rudely, impolitely, or even being aggressive or offensive towards others. On the other hand, respect to me, is accepting others for who they are, even when they’re different from me or they don’t agree with me. I call respect—like trust—the glue that holds relationships together. Sometimes in the beginning respect can come naturally and then sometimes due to obvious differences, it must be earned. Respect is often lost when there are feelings of being judged, belittled, or teased. If I don’t feel safe or trusted in the beginning, respect may be earned with the passage of time. Trust and safety come with respect. I like to think of respect as being able to have a healthy conversation even if we disagree, we can talk openly about who we are and what we stand for. Respect is present in the absence of wanting to be in control and being contentious. Respect is being able to admit mistakes and errors in judgment or actions and show humility. Even though I may experience disrespect from others, this does not give me the right to reciprocate. If I find myself not feeling respected by other people, including family or friends, I must have the courage to let them see the real me by emitting an experience, not by words, that demonstrates who I am. In order to make any type of difference and gain respect, I must show up differently. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees and if someone can't treat me with respect and I don't feel secure with them, I will politely end the relationship with them. All of these are imperative pieces of the “respect puzzle” but a piece that can often be missing is having respect for myself. Respect in any relationship must start with self-respect. I cannot expect someone to treat me with respect if I do not feel good about myself and if I am not treating myself with respect, honor, and dignity. When these principles come together, one clear picture emerges: respect is finding common ground and upholding both my values and others equally. What I think and feel is just as important as what somebody else thinks and feels. You can go beyond what is presented here by thinking creatively about how to be respectful in your own life. I hope this helps address your request, Kevin. Look for the blind spots! Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #Respect #respectful #RespectAllFearNone #inthistogether #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivation

There are many definitions of pride. In this case, I’m using pride as related to being haughty or arrogant. This could mean that I'm better than you, that what I have is superior to what you have, or that I'm more important than you are, so please step aside. Yes, pride can be related to, I'm proud of my family or my team or my contributions, but I'm talking about pride that relates to arrogance, egoism, and a holier-than-thou attitude. Grace is the opposite. I'm referring to it here as being courteous, showing goodwill, or acting in an attractive or polite manner. Let’s put it to the test. I’m driving in heavy traffic, and someone wants to move into my lane. Do I choose grace or pride? What will my decision be? Probably, if my day is in chaos, I will choose pride. After all, it's my lane and right now I am in control here. If on the other hand I feel good about myself and am having a great day, I will choose grace and let them in. I was talking to a friend of mine the other day. She told me a story about her being in a terrible hurry to get home. She found herself behind a driver who was going about 15 mph under the speed limit. She said when she attempted to pass, the driver sped up. Being in a hurry she gassed it and began to pass. The other driver accelerated, making passing impossible. So, she slowed down and moved back into the other lane and the car ahead slowed down again. After floor-boarding her car and passing the other driver, she screeched into the subdivision. The other driver followed her and pulled into her drive, she rolled down her window and the bad words began to fly. After a brief exchange, my friend told her to leave, or she would call the cops. She went inside and began to feel very guilty about having this kind of conflict with another person she didn’t even know. About an hour later she was going back to work and looked down the street to see about four houses down the driver's car parked in the driveway. My friend was still so upset and she decided to stop and apologize to the woman, trying to put grace above her pride. She went to the door and found that the woman was resting and did not want to come down and talk to her. Her husband told my friend that his wife had just returned from the doctor with a serious diagnosis of cancer and was struggling. She was trying to sleep and get herself together before the kids got home and she had mentioned to him what had happened. Embarrassed to the max, my friend slinked back sadly to her car and left. Now the guilt was multiplied 100 times. Isn't it interesting how we may feel so self-righteous and proud of who we are and how important we are and if others get in our way, they must be doing something wrong? How dare they. Do they not know how important I am? Notice how when my friend’s anxiety came down it allowed grace to come forward. Grace gives us an opportunity to clean up some of the nastiness that's created by pride. I don't know about you, but I have probably exercised pride in this manner many times. Now I wonder as I was being so haughty and arrogant in past circumstances, what might have been going on with the other person. What a humbling place to be. Remember we have a choice when we face life circumstances…will we choose pride or grace? Watch for the hot spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivation

Resentments are the quiet thoughts or feelings we harbor against another person because we consider them responsible for an act of indignation, animosity, or ill will. Susanne and Jeff, you may recall, have been married for about ten years with two children and have grown resentful of one other over time. Resentments surface when we are hurt or offended, and when we try to convey them, there is a refusal to listen. As a result, we go silent. Jeff has been attempting to let Susanne know that her being curt is demeaning to him but when he tries to bring it up, she scoffs and blows him off. So, now his inward conversation becomes, “I'm not going to say anything because that would just cause more trouble.” This act of chivalry is seen by him as "keeping the peace." However, I see it as creating a time bomb that will cause a large explosion in the future. When Jeff says, “I'm not going to say anything because it would cause more problems,” he “feels” he has made the gallant choice. I say that if he does not speak up and allows that resentment to develop, it will eventually blow up. Our anxiety reservoir can only store so much before it finds an explosive release. It is at that point I say we give two dollars’ worth of guff for a nickel’s worth of offense. Resentments can be those things like: I'm not feeling understood, I don't like the way I'm being treated, I don't feel like you listen at all, you frustrate me and I don't know how to tell you. Resentments cause distance and that distance puts our relationships in danger. Resentments create misunderstandings that are subtle and quiet. We feel going silent is supposed to avoid conflict, but I say that doing so just delays the ticking bomb. Resentments create secrets and make it easy to begin to make up stories in our minds about the other. The storyteller then acts out the made-up story about another person as if it were true, and when these long-held resentments are eventually unleashed, the target of the resentment does not comprehend this explosion, but the person who is angry feels entirely justified in doing so. It’s been so loud inside them, but completely silent to the other. This is why resentments must be dealt with as they arise. I like to use the word ‘Ouch’ or ‘Ouch that hurts.’ If I am speaking to someone and they say ‘Ouch’, it helps me understand and appreciate that I have done something offensive and need to correct it. Resentments are silent killers in our relationships. Let’s look for ways to find understanding, connection, and improvement; emotionally healthy relationships are a result of honest, open feedback. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation

Happy Wednesday. I want to thank you for joining me on this journey. For the better part of a year, I've been selecting topics to post about and guide us toward discovering and exposing blind spots and building a better you. Wow, the time has flown, and what a pleasure it is to share with you my story, strategies, and principles. I am reaching out to see how things are going and to see if there are any issues, concerns, or challenges you may be facing that you would like additional guidance on how to handle or perceive yourself in a different way. Or it might be wonderful news about your success. I want to continue to be a source of new insight, inspiration, and motivation. I want this to be a space where we can chat about concepts and principles that are life changers, so you can keep building a better you. I would appreciate it if you would take a few moments to share your thoughts, perspectives, and ideas with me so that I can continue to improve and provide relevant content and services. To be sure the sharing is confidential, direct message me, or email me at jerry@jerrydclark.com. Any questions or comments, along and about life's journey would be welcomed. I appreciate your time and want to thank you for sharing. Your feedback is an invaluable resource and I look forward to hearing from you. In this together, Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether

I was speaking to a woman many years ago before cell phones became so popular. Judy was complaining about a family member (I’ll call her Sandy) who had very caustic mannerisms when she called. Judy stated that Sandy's comments were rude and attacking and that she continued to hold her own and make the conversation uncomfortable. Judy claimed that every time the phone rang, she would wish it wasn't Sandy and that she felt humiliated after the call. I told her about the principle of "3 by 5 cards" and how she should get cards, write the comment or question at the top of the card, and then take her time writing a strategic answer or response below it. Judy did this on as many sayings or situations as she could come up with. Together we strategically prepared her replies. She was to look at every question or comment that she could anticipate Sandy might say. We worked on it for a while, and her instructions were to keep them near the phone so that when Sandy called, she could simply refer to her three-by-five cards. This would put her at ease, and when the caller ID displayed Sandy's name, she would be less hesitant to engage. The idea was to stop the attacks and reply in a way where she felt confident and comfortable about the conversations. Sometimes individuals with this type of communication style are unaware of how challenging it is to interact with them. Judy's task was not to be rude, haughty, or controlling, but to have a conversation in order to save the relationship. The goal is not to outwit or outsmart them, but to have the conversation you want to have rather than the one they want to have, which can be very uncomfortable. An example of this would be Sandy asking if the kids are still causing problems. The answer that Judy and I came up with was a gently curious question such as “How come you ask?” Then Judy’s charge was not to reply anything after Sandy answered but to issue an eloquent grunt such as “Huh or Hum?” in a very gentle response. Judy was then instructed to start the conversation with something she wanted to discuss rather than participate in what Sandy wanted. This can be done very kindly and gently, making Judy feel good about herself during those conversations. This is not easy and requires practicing a kind response and moving to the conversation you would like to have instead of being led by Sandy’s aggressive approach. This principle has been adopted in today's society by using it in any conversation with someone who has a strong opinion or question. Write down what you think they will say, ask, or do and prepare a strategic reply. Another example of this is when Jesus was brought before Pilate and he asked him, "Are you the King of the Jews." Jesus replied, “You say it's true.” —Luke 23:1-4 I have found it important to be purposeful and prepared for these kinds of conversations. When I can anticipate what someone might say or ask and prepare a reply, I'm much more capable of participating in a conversation that engages connection or at least minimizes disconnection. Preparation sets you apart and guides you through intensely difficult communication styles. Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #monday #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondayvibes #leadershipdevelopment #relationshiptips #CommunicationSkills #communication #marriageandfamilytherapy #bayharbourumc

People who rationalize minimize and justify are almost impossible to communicate with and do not know it. They can appear self-righteous, unattractive, and totally unaware. (I have been guilty of this, you?) For example, Suzanne and Jeff have been married for 10 years and have two small children. The relationship, like so many, has its ups and downs, but Suzanne seems to be pulling away. She's not feeling as close as she once did and withdraws emotionally from Jeff when she asks him for something and feels unheard. A typical conversation: Suzanne: “You don't hear me.” Jeff: “Yes, I do, I hear you fine. I hear every word you say.” (minimize) Suzanne: “I just don't think you do.” Jeff: “I always listen to you. Perhaps you don't give me credit for anything.” (rationalize) Suzanne: “This is what I'm talking about. Regardless of what I say, you explain it away and I feel unheard, empty, and foolish for even saying what I want from you.” Jeff: “I am a good husband and provider. I don't know why you can't see the good things about me.” (justify) Suzanne: “Forget it.” (yikes) She pulls back further. Emotional closeness and communication are fractured. This kind of poor communication leaves both parties exasperated and the distance grows wider. Suzanne pulls back silently and resentfully. Unless these resentments are resolved or things change considerably, this relationship can easily result in a breakup. This would totally blindside Jeff because he's not aware of his contribution to the distancing of the relationship, but this exchange of words is bitter to Suzanne. Jeff will be completely surprised if she decides to leave under these circumstances. He may even ask the question, “Why didn't you tell me?” The fascinating truth in this conversation is that Jeff could have connected with her by understanding and appreciating her desire for him to interact and engage with her. He could have been the hero, not the goat. Suzanne gave up due to her frustration and is also culpable because the sender of the message is responsible to get the message across. When rationalizing, minimizing, and justifying are permitted to damage communication, this situation can be a very common occurrence. Both made contributions, yet neither is aware of their involvement. Get real, and get feedback, even if it means discovering something upsetting about them or yourself since the effects of this will be far-reaching. At the end of the day, it is worthwhile if your goals include happiness and a healthy, emotionally rewarding relationship. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #leadershipdevelopment #relationshiptips #CommunicationSkills #communication #marriageandfamilytherapy #bayharbourumc

At times, our lives are busy, and time is in short supply. Many of us live far away from or have strained relationships with spouses, family, and friends and many people feel lonelier and more isolated than ever before. We live in an age of ultra-connection, yet we have an absence of closeness. We can be together, but not close or present. What a contradiction – right? I frequently ask this question, “How do you evaluate your ability to perform your roles in relationships?” I then ask the question, “Could you show up better?” Everyone agrees they could. I think it's a tremendous blind spot. Our relationships could be better and yet, we continue to allow ourselves to fall into what I call, “relationship poverty.” Webster defines poverty as, the state of being extremely poor or inferior in quality or insufficient in amount. Poverty in relationships is invisible and produces a terrible experience. We need relationships to survive. We are made for connection, and it confounds me when relationships go unmaintained. In my practice, I continually address the issues of how self-centeredness, poor communication, money fixation, shattered values, and modern technology have made it very difficult for us to relate, connect, or empathize with each other. This impoverished state of relationships sometimes creates victimhood. I hear this frequently, “I'm in a bad relationship because they….,” and then listen as they blame the other. If we blame, we don't have to change. We get to continue our same, perhaps unhealthy, behavior because it is the others’ fault. Let’s re-think what it will take to shift our relationships from poverty to ordinary and ordinary to exceptional. There have been occasions where I have settled for “relationship poverty” and it allowed me to lag and limp along, causing more heartache and sadness than happiness. What a tragedy. To create something different, I get to focus on myself and stop looking for others to change. I get to look and listen for my blind spots and recognize and expose them so I can improve my relationships. I choose responsibility, not victimhood. If I want others to say great things about me as a spouse, parent, coworker, or employer, I must provide them with an opportunity to do so. Others speak about their experience with us. So, what do I need to do to give them a chance to say what I would like to hear? What do I want people to say about me and the way I show up? Looking at these questions gives me something to work on, how about you? I want to lean into the moments and provide an experience that makes the people in my life feel good about themselves when they are in my presence. I write the script that others use to talk about me. I want to live in relational health and wealth, being present, intentional, and giving to my heart’s content. I want “relational presence” so that the level of “relationship poverty” diffuses as I continue to look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation

I don’t know if you have ever gone out of control to gain control. I have and it was my intention to try to control others or situations in which I had no control. In the TV series, Funniest Home Videos, I am reminded of the man who is trying to start his weed eater. After pulling the rope multiple times and it not starting, he began to bang the weed eater on the concrete, turning it around, hitting the non-compliant engine as hard as he could, and bending and breaking every piece. He then threw it down and stomped away. How embarrassing, especially if the neighbors are watching. [BLIND SPOT] I don’t know if any of you have ever done that, or perhaps you might know someone who has. This is a case in point of allowing emotions to override intellect. Anxiety and intellect compete for the same brain resources. The more anxious I am the less intellectual. The more intellectual I am the less anxious. I view anxiety and intellect as inversely proportionate. When one goes up, the other goes down. Acting out of my anxiety is what I call “the oxymoron.” Going out of control to gain control. If I am calm, strategic, and intentional about starting the weed eater, I will pursue other methods of solving the problem. If I am very uptight and worried about finances, relationships, work, or children, rather than destroy the weed eater, I need to get myself under control by identifying and reducing the major stressors in my life. Being aware that my thinking influences my distress can be very freeing and extinguish anxiety before it gets a hold of my emotions. Resist the oxymoron; seek self-control! Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #monday #mondaymotivation #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #bayharbourumc #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #mondayvibes

I remember a debate in college. We were debating whether there was a heaven. I recall one person who spoke up and said, “The proof is in the older and wiser men and women whom all seem to focus on their spiritual life.” Another quickly retorted, “Yeah, they're just cramming for finals.” Perhaps that is true for some, but I have this strong desire to live my next 20 years leaning forward and making a difference in the world around me. At my age, it is customary to implement the “retirement plan”—travel, golf, fish, sit back and rest and enjoy life. I truly love that concept, but for me, it feels as though I would stop challenging my mind, my physical self, and other things that are important to maintaining good health. I find the more I keep engaging in learning and activity, the better I become. I have increased my physical exercise and improved my diet, and I am experiencing an enhanced disposition as a result. I've spent the last two years attending training classes to increase my emotional, financial, spiritual, and social wealth. It has inspired me to take on new ventures in life. I was told in Bootcamp, that I should be able to run 1/2 mile... straight up. Yeah, I'm still working on that one. And don’t get me wrong; speed and agility may have crept up on me, but I’ll keep working on my mobility in order to stay upright and move forward. In relation to the—is there a heaven debate—it is interesting that focusing on nurturing my spiritual self does seem more fulfilling. The body gives way, but I choose to be young in heart and spirit and watch for the blind spots. My challenge to myself is to remember that I am as seasoned as I allow myself to be, and I can always add the travel, golf, fishin’, and sittin’ back into my lean forward. The big playbook is always on point, “Teach us to number our days so that we may truly live and achieve wisdom. Let the favor of the Lord our God be on us; establish the work of our hands—yes establish the work of our hands.” —Psalm 90:12, 17 Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #bayharbourumc #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation

This Sunday was the second in the series of co-presenting Blind Spots at my home church, Bay Harbour UMC, League City, Texas. Sr. Pastor Stephen spoke on blind spots from the perspective of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. I addressed Global Thinking, what Pastor called "mental bouncing"—identifying life’s issues that key up anxiety, stress, and worry. Global Thinking is a wicked paradox, but there is a simple exercise that can help. "Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things..." Below are the 9 am Traditional and 11 am Contemporary Services. You can listen to the full message or I have given the times when the message starts with Pastor Stephen and when I start and end speaking. This is Sunday, September 25, 2022, Blind Spots Series 2. 9 am Service Pastor Stephen starts at 23:57 I start at 38:36 and end at 45:58 11 am Service Pastor Stephen starts at 31:31 I start at 45:40 and end at 52:20 I look forward to hearing from you and share this with someone else you think might enjoy it. Keep looking for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation

Sandy and Rex have been in a relationship for about 18 months. They have a fun relationship and enjoy each other’s company. Rex likes to use sarcasm and it is offensive to Sandy. She confronts him with the statement, “You are very sarcastic, and I don't like it.” He retorts, “What’s the matter can’t you take a joke?” She turns away in frustration and emotionally steps back from him. Nothing gets resolved and the relationship continues in a damaged state. This is the slippery slope of sarcasm. Instead of being confrontational, another approach is for Sandy to say, “Rex, I am in a double bind. It is danged if I do and danged if I don't. If I tell you that your sarcasm hurts, I am afraid you may feel offended and get defensive. Then I know things will not change. If I don't tell you, things will not change, and I will continue to feel offended and frustrated and pull away from you. I can't win.” Ideally, Rex will not want her to feel offended or frustrated and will work on his sarcasm. This approach enrolls him to come alongside her and alleviate her frustration and feelings of offense. The ‘double bind approach’ in communication gives them a chance to strengthen their relationship. Sarcasm can be hidden from the person using it. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #mondaymotivation #monday #mondaymood #sarcasm #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #bayharbourumc #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy

Yes, it is the season. And I got to thinking about how football relates to the game of life. It is essential that I live my life being intentional and strategic— it's not the easiest way, it takes courage, planning, and knowing what I want to accomplish in the end. I need to know who I am and where I'm going, or I will take the path of least persistence. Yes, persistence. It is easy for me to be lazy and make excuses to simply act, react, or play to the moves and timing of others. When I see others with a great idea, path, or design that improves life, I want to encourage or champion them. When I find myself playing defense, I'm more negative, less engaged, and less impactful to the future. I can just duck and weave based on what others do or say or I can lead down my own path toward my own objective. Watch out. When I call an audible, take the lead and become intentional and strategic about my life, defenses arise. Tacklers move in to control my forward motion. Defenders move in to close the gap, disempower, and reduce my capability and keep me contained. Moving down life’s yard lines takes change and maneuverability. I must alter my strategy based on what defensives I encounter. Playing offense does not mean I am offensive. Playing offense simply means I want to improve my life by serving, and initiating creativity, and action. I want to strategize ‘my’ route rather than the route someone chooses for me. I need to stay on offense and make ‘my’ positive difference in the lives of others and the world around me. God made me a servant leader. This is my offensive strength; I serve and want to grow the team so that everyone can play their position and speak for themselves. We are all winners and I want to be an encourager. Take it from the big playbook, Jesus sat down, called the Twelve, and said to them, “If anyone wants to be first, he will be the last and the servant of all.” Mark 9:35 ESV Lord, make me your servant. When I operate the way God has designed me, I win. I call it playing offense, not defense. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #leadershipdevelopment #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #courageous #bayharbourumc #relationshiptips #footballyall #marriageandfamilytherapy #footballseason