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Some time back, I was going to work. My route included a five-point intersection with a gas station sitting on one corner. I traveled this route for many years. As I made my turn and was about to pass the gas station, this old man (get this, me calling someone an old man) was exiting. Obviously, he was just pulling out without regard to my right of way and proximity. He had his blinker on and without stopping, proceeded into my lane. I thought he saw me after all he was entering into my lane of traffic. I had to hit the brakes hard to keep from hitting him and my anxiety hit the roof. He just pulled out in front of me with no regard for the damage that could have occurred and amazingly, just strolled on down the street as if he had not just threatened to bang up my truck and test my nerves. This caused my anxiety to go up even more and my intellect, well it went out the window. Dang, sometimes it is difficult to practice what I preach. I was incensed. How could he not have seen me? We were just a few feet apart. I followed him for a few seconds wanting to use sign language and my horn to help teach him how to drive. As I passed him, underneath this old cowboy hat, I saw a jolly old man trying to get somewhere just as I was. I suddenly began to laugh out loud. What occurred to me was how many times I had done the same thing as he had, and someone had given me the grace to go down the road without making a scene. Bless you, if that has been you. During the rest of my short journey to the office, I began to think—we are all attempting to get somewhere. Today I use that same attitude. Perhaps the other person is in more of a hurry, or they have had a terrible morning or day and are potentially suffering from a bad experience or bad news. I have decided that from now on I will give the benefit of doubt to the other driver and see what I can do to get to my destination as safely as possible and assist others along the way. Man, it has made my journeys much more pleasant. Yielding where I can and not thinking that just because I have the right of way, I need to insure I take advantage of it. Being right is not always being graceful or peaceful. I last saw the jolly old man in my mirror, jutting down the street, his blinker still flashing. (LOL) I wonder—have I ever done that? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

What a wonderful time of the year. The holidays are coming and tis’ the season to be jolly. Thanksgiving celebration is upcoming then followed quickly by Christmas. This is the time for getting together, sharing, building new memories, and celebrating the old. Time is quickly passing and it's important that we be thankful every day for who we are and how we've gotten here. As we gather joyously, laughing, and reconnecting during the season, there will be occasions when what I call "the verbal kill shot" is fired. Someone will say something out of the blue or perhaps a new dig, jab, or diss that might bring you to your knees. It’s a terrible way to wreck a wonderful season, yet they just keep coming year after year. Personally, I think the best way to handle these unfortunate kill shots is to step aside and let those words go past us and not even respond. It’s not easy to walk away or unhear the shot but it’s the higher way. Verbal kill shots are spoken to intentionally hurt, jab and sting, and though we cannot control what others might say or do we can control ourselves. The better we feel inside about who we are and how we show up, the easier it is to not let a shot from the outside cause us any emotional disruption. The key here is to consistently build ourselves. We become better every day; better today than we were yesterday, better tomorrow than we were today. We know who we are, and what we stand for, and do not need to convince another soul that we're good people. When we truly feel good about whom God has made us to be and what He wants us to do, verbal kill shots completely miss their target and fall at your feet. Alice said to her husband, “I dread going to Thanksgiving because “you know who” will be there. They are so very disruptive and say mean hurtful things to all of us.” “I know,” he says, “and it's been that way for years. Isn't it strange how one person can make us fear something that we should be celebrating and looking forward to?” His expression changed and he stated, “Let's change that this year, supporting each other and everyone who feels the same way. This way we bring peace, laughter, hope, and joy to the conversations regardless of “you know who’s” kill shots. Let's not allow ourselves to be derailed.” Alice said with excitement, “It's a deal, I can't wait to see everyone.” What do I want to say about myself when the holidays are over? What do I want others to say about me? Others will always talk about their experience with me, so I must remember I write that script. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #bettereveryday #blindspots #tistheseason #tistheseasontobejolly #wordshurt #wordsmatter

I was talking to a gentleman whose son, Al, lives in his father's house alone. He lives about 15 miles away and comes over two times a week to buy groceries, clean, and cook for Al. Al did not finish high school, and at the age of 23, is legally allowed to drive but has chosen not to get a license. His only social connection is entertaining himself by playing video games with friends online and on social media. “I just don’t have time to do any chores like cleaning, trash, washing clothes, or taking care of the yard,” Al says. “Dad takes care of those things when he comes over.” “It’s good,” the dad says, “Al being alone doesn’t bother anyone, especially when he cusses, rants, and rages, and thank goodness, he doesn’t have a drug or alcohol problem.” The dad continues, “I have painted myself into a corner. If I kick Al out of the house, he will surely fail. If I let him stay as he is, he will be safe and entertained but what kind of future is that for him?” Our access to computers and the internet is amazing and the world is at our fingertips. At no other time in history have we had such abilities to equip ourselves to learn, grow intellectually and prepare our lives for future success, and yet there are times it seems we would just rather be entertained. Computers could be utilized more frequently to strengthen, expand, and prepare our minds to be more productive today than they were yesterday and more tomorrow than they are today. Utilizing them for empowering, accrediting, and investing our time and talents to secure our lives is the key to our future. The world needs people who are expanding their minds and talents. The gaming entertainment world is looking to use our time and talents to entertain us and make themselves wealthy by keeping us distracted. The purpose of this conversation is not to judge or condemn but to compare and contrast how each of us utilizes the internet—to rethink if you will whether we are amusing or empowering ourselves. Opportunities exist for all of us. There is nothing wrong with entertainment. The problems come when we try to live in them. I am not sure how Al will face the next years of his life, but I am afraid he will be unequipped to become independent and socially skilled. It is our choice to be captured by gaming companies and entertained or to equip ourselves and use the internet with a greater measure of wisdom. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #wednesday #wednesdaywisdom #wednesdaymotivation

I was reminded of a mother who complained of her son’s behavior, “I don’t know why little Horace is so violent—I’ve smacked him for it a thousand times.” We have a lot of blind spots that come from our childhood. After all, that’s where we learned about life from our family and we hang out in what is familiar. Feelings of being ashamed, less than, or unimportant, are all derived from our formative years, and we carry those things into our adulthood. We then protect them without realizing what we are doing. We often become combative when confronted, making it hard to hear when someone calls to our attention their negative experience unrecognized by us. If replicating the old into the new becomes our only approach to solving problems, it becomes a terrible weakness, no matter how we try to play it as a strength. Trying to live life without solid positive feedback, intensifies life’s rough-and-tumble lessons. An emotional blind spot is like that. You cannot see what is there unless you move to a new position or do something differently. Adjust your mirror, if you will. Adjusting to the truth, as others present it to you, without judgment or spin will cause change. It’s hard to see yourself clearly while continuing to operate without integrity or in opposition to recommendations presented to you. My flexibility and growth are maintained by moving forward and learning to challenge my limitations while leveraging my strengths. This prevents me from breaking. This has everything to do with emotional maturity and knowing what is going on within me and acting accordingly. Keep looking for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

I often hear statements that have to do with trying to accomplish something—trying to find a new job, trying to lose weight, or trying to be a better friend. For some reason, whenever I hear the word "try," I immediately think of "an attempt," "to make an effort," and "search.” All of these may result in positive outcomes but are more hopeful and less intentional than truly making a difference. I have “tried” many things in my life. In some, I succeeded and in others, I did not. I like to look at the idea of accomplishing things through “training” as opposed to “trying.” Training offers small, committed accomplishments along the way that leads to an end product. It consists of written short-term routine items that contribute to my success when attained. This gives me an opportunity to celebrate these small successes and motivates to me to keep moving forward. If the small routine items are not accomplished, it gives the opportunity for course correction. This is not the time for self-condemnation, but rather a chance for reassessment. I think it was Yoda who said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Training is a commitment that releases the power to give something our all — not just give it a try. I find that committing to doing small routine things over time creates large improvements. Being able to identify small accomplishments and then monitor them daily, weekly, and monthly ensures change. When my accomplishments are written down and clearly marked, I am more mindful and committed to recording my success rather than drifting and not paying attention until the deadline or aim is missed. Do I try to run a marathon or train to run a marathon? Do I try to get another job or train to get another job? Do I try to lose weight or train to lose weight? Many years ago, I ran the Dallas White Rock marathon. It was a great success because of the routines I established. I still have the records of my training and I contribute the success of that race to being intentional and strategic about how I was going to run the 26-mile race in less than four hours. I set the number of miles per week and the pace I needed to run. Even though it was many years ago, it is still a great example for me. Today I use a method described in my book, “The Weekly Display,” which allows me to identify several goals and design tasks that need to be accomplished each day of the week in order to meet these goals. I assess the results each week to see if I am doing well or need to adjust the course. Small steps repeated over time will create new habits. As new habits are created, these steps can be dropped, and new goals and steps can be established. What about you? Are you trying or training for success in your health, wealth, and self? Look for the blind spots! Yo! You can download the "Weekly Display" now. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #mindsetmatters #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #training #trainingmotivation #trainhard

I talk about blind spots in relationships because I feel so many relationships can be salvaged. It is so easy to look at the other person and see their mistakes but is very difficult to truly own our culpability. Have you ever thought of the price we pay for relationships that don't work or work minimally? With broken family relationships, when parents divorce, the collateral damage ripples throughout the family and friends. One of the things that I see that is most disturbing is the children’s worries and fears. A few of the things I hear are, “Where will we live; will there be enough money; I don't want to be without the other parent; this is very embarrassing; why don't you guys try to work this out?” Many tears are shed that are obvious and seen by many others yet so many tears are shed alone. Some talk about the divorce as if it is their fault. I hear stories like: “If I hadn't caused trouble, if I would have kept my room clean, if I would have made my grades, maybe they wouldn't be getting a divorce.” Oh, what a tragedy. Extended family members who love both parties feel split loyalties. Their pain is not as great but is certainly not easy to ignore. Then there are the friends who enjoyed the company of both, the visits, the travel, the laughter, and the meals that will no longer be shared. The holidays and other celebrations can be split which causes a loss of family connection and difficulty for family members, especially the children, to find their new place in the new relationships. Now looking at the financial side of a broken relationship, the attorneys will get their fair share. Separating finances is generally a very difficult situation for both parties. Fear and greed can overcome the logic of the law and what is best for the children. Establishing new budgets, and new ways of spending, at least early on, is difficult. Not having the same available resources can be difficult, awkward, and unsettling. Ill feelings usually go hand in hand with the division of financial property. This keeps the door open for more arguments. Custody battles can last until the children are adults. Not taking the children’s points of view and not considering the children's needs can cause them collateral damage for days or years on end. Leaving the adult children, the responsibility for caring for the other parent during illness or difficulties in old age is also overlooked. Something that is not considered is what I call “emotional divorce.” That can be more difficult than a legal divorce. The “emotional divorce” continues if the couple blames and complains causing suffering that doesn’t end and it is important to not allow the ex’s emotions to steer your life. Being able to disengage quickly is the key. Emotional maturation is essential here. It is being able to recognize and manage your own emotions and recognize the emotional state of the other then acting in a way that calms not escalates the situation. These are only a few of the difficulties with “emotional divorce.” And there are so many hidden issues that spring up along the way that perhaps you can see my logic in working on keeping the relationships together. I don’t get a vote on whether relationships dissolve or remain together. Neither do I know if some couples should stay attached. I certainly have seen relationships that are not good for either party or for the children. I've witnessed numerous relationships that sought assistance for issues that seemed irreconcilable, resolve their differences, and find harmony. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #mindsetmatters #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots

Have you ever stumped your toe on a piece of furniture? The statement about seeing stars can come true. The feelings of frustration for not paying attention are extensive. Perhaps blaming someone who moved it without you knowing it is also easy. The pain of a busted toe is indescribable and, when this happens, I don’t want to look. If it hurt this bad, it means that it may have been actually knocked off. If not, it will be so mangled, I may need to have a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. Now after a minute or two, the pain allows me to realize that death is not imminent. Maybe the spot of blood is going to subside without going to the “Doc in the Box” and the limp is employed to minimize the agony while I relearn to walk. Wow, the things we take for granted, especially this super complex body of ours. My toes are never thought of unless they are damaged. How many other things do I take for granted about my body and life? I know I have told the story of picking up my friend after his dialysis treatment, I picked him up once a week. Each time I was early so he would not have to wait. As I sat in the waiting room, many patients came in awaiting their scheduled treatment. I listened to their stories and heard things like, “I can’t unload the dishwasher anymore; I can’t get the trash cans out and in from the street; I can’t get the vacuum out much less use it.” Listening to these stories reminded me of my health and ability to work without any real issues except my poor negative attitude. I don’t like to empty the dishwasher, chase the trash cans, or vacuum, yet I am capable. These conversations caused me to change my attitude about doing things I don’t like to do. It has caused me to change my “have to” to my “get to.” I get to do chores because I am capable. It is a choice and I choose to do what I can without a negative attitude. I have friends who are diagnosed with different medical conditions or suffering from various physical issues. And please don’t take me wrong, I am not making light of those who are suffering, I know there are many who don’t have my choices. But I believe it is great to celebrate life and be thankful, especially if we live threatless and pain-free lives. My toe doesn’t hurt, my ability to do chores is not limited and I have been given another day to live my life. I choose not to take the simple things in my life for granted any longer. What a gift to celebrate. How about you? I encourage you to take inventory and count your blessings. Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #Monday #mondayvibes #blindspots #gratitude #thankful #thankfulgratefulblessed #gratitudepractice #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #gratitudeattitude #communication #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mondaymood #mondaymotivationchallenge

Jody and Dawn gossiped a lot about their friends in their group. When recalling their pals' "inadequacies" and "oddities," the two of them laughed heartily. The gang had known each other for years, and for whatever reason, the gossip had persisted. They didn't stop to even consider why they gossiped or the repercussions of gossip. Recently, Jody realized that her pals may also be gossiping and spreading rumors about her. It is easy to project onto others the things we are doing [Blind Spot]. This awful blind spot came out of nowhere and she started making up a “worry story.” She suddenly felt uneasy. Her hands began to tremble, and her cheeks and neck began to blush. She began to believe that they discovered her gossiping and feared she would be expelled from the group. She moved over into her reptilian brain, survival mode, the instinct of fight, flight, or freeze, her mind kept her reeling about whether they liked her. She became somewhat paranoid, deciding that they only liked her because she hosted many of the gatherings. Jody began messaging everyone with funny memes. She would use their replies to judge if she was secure because she wanted to reclaim her place in the group, even if just in her own mind. As she allows these thoughts to ping and bounce, her thinking becomes more and more unsettled. How could she truly know…??? Like Jody, we find ourselves in precarious situations causing our own distress. We make up worry stories that are negative and cloud our thinking even more. Creating these stories in our minds causes us to race from thought to thought, and they don’t do anything to relieve our worries or stressors; now our worry story is producing more stress, and our desire for a sense of calmness doesn’t have a chance. One thought leads to another and another. Then we go off again on another thought ricocheting and bouncing around until we wear ourselves out and become frus­trated, confused, and more anxious. Cognition is no longer present. How do we stop? Being aware that our thinking influ­ences our distress. We must disengage our inner bully; stop, focus, and get control of ourselves—intellect/spiri­tuality up, anxiety down. It is necessary at this time to do all we can do to disengage from our stressful emotions and identify facts and logic rather than hang out in emotional distress. Plus, we learned a valuable lesson on how easy it is for us to get caught up in something and not realize how detrimental it can be until we see it from the other side. Let’s keep exposing the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #worry #worrying #mindsetmatters #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots

Missing skills and hidden beliefs are difficult to see yet are often painfully obvious to others. [Blind Spot] Perhaps that lack of skill, that deeply rooted belief, or even that overused strength should be a catalyst to identify cues pertaining to how we show up to others. I remember receiving a request from a man who felt something was off-kilter about his team, but he did not know how to pinpoint it. He was a senior manager, and everyone on his team seemed disjointed, unmotivated, and unhappy. After asking several gently curious questions, I asked if we could speak with the people he worked with to see what he was doing right and well and what he could potentially do better. The report gave us a complete picture of a blind spot that was present—we learned that he was in avoidance mode and not resolving conflict on his team. If a disagreement surfaced in a meeting, he blew it off, “We can address that at a later date, what is pressing on our agenda?” Then he would “forget” to revisit the issue or make light of it implying it was not important. When his department’s performance suffered, he blamed the team’s “personality issues” and they began to resent him and lost respect for his leadership. Ouch!! When he heard “blind spot,” we immediately began to discuss opportunities to address; areas of personal deficit, irritable habits, and lack of emotional maturity that his team saw but he was completely blind. This feedback was a huge eye-opener for him and showed several skill deficits that he began to work on and lean into. He recognized his blind spot and began to see how to manage, identify and resolve conflict within his team. He learned to ask gently curious questions, be a safe listener, and be supportive and mindful when he saw others’ blind spots and could safely address them. “…we have to stay curious about our own blind spots and how to pull those issues into view, and we need to commit to helping the people we serve find their blind spots in a way that’s safe and supportive.” – Brene Brown When blind spots emerge, they force us to confront the unvarnished truth in order to thrive. There is one thing that is true about your blind spot and mine: it’s not what we don’t know; it’s what we don’t know we don’t know that causes us difficulties in our relationships. Uncovering your blind spots is the catalyst to building a better you. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #wednesday #communication #wednesdayvibes #champion #marriageandfamilytherapy #inspiration #changeyourlife #inthistogether

I want to write about something a little different, another kind of blind spot for you to uncover. It is the blind spot of “natural gifting.” One of the joys of what I do is to assist people to recognize their natural gifts. When I point out these natural gifts I see in them, they don’t think there is anything special about these qualities. They are such a natural part of their personality and character, they just see them as “who they are.” “He or she is a natural…” it’s built-in, hardwired, ingrained, and often taken for granted. [Blind Spot] If something comes that easily, we tend to overlook it or think it must not be valuable. Because it is hidden from us and because it is our nature, we don’t always recognize who we are and how we show up. So often we think that making masterful and worthwhile contributions has to be difficult. If it is hard to achieve or do, it must be worthwhile to pursue and more valuable to others and the world. Sometimes what comes easy, yes, our natural gifts, can produce our greatest contributions. Always searching for our strengths and the most valuable contribution we can make, we struggle, research, train, concentrate, and motivate ourselves primarily to perform tasks that do not come naturally. Don’t take me out of context, there is nothing wrong with working hard and challenging ourselves. However, I think we need to be reminded of the things we do “with our eyes closed.” The things that energize us as we are doing them are often our strengths in nature and gifting—and all too often our blind spots. Let’s all challenge ourselves to do more of the things we are naturally good at, where we feel like we are just being ourselves and can see that our incredible talent comes from within. Look for the blind spots and make a difference…naturally! Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

I know the importance of reminders and today is a reminder of a blind spot that I see rear its ugly head day after day in my office. SHAME [SHām] NOUN 1. a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior: As I have mentioned, I grew up in West Texas in a family of six children. I was the fifth in line. I was small in stature, and we were not the wealthiest family around. Within the family, there was a lot of teasing, sarcasm, and put-downs. It was not done to purposely cause harm; it was just the normal method of communication. Being unaware of emotional maturity, it was not taught in our family, and this led to the crippling shame monster I would carry for years. I tried everything I could to avoid criticism. I developed denial so I wouldn't have to deal with shame. I tried to show up without any blemishes in situations I faced. My first years of school were difficult because teasing and belittling followed me due to my frailness and perhaps the clothes I wore. I learned to tell jokes and do all I could to feel accepted. I am reminded when I was in the Marine Corps I was taught how to win at all costs. There, being in charge and right worked well. Now I was a contradiction. I was weakened by shame and empowered by control. What a wreck. I stood up when it would have been more acceptable for me to stay seated, and other times, I sat down when I ought to have stood up. Our parents were wonderful and gave us everything they had but could not give what they did not receive. I hold no blame against them. I know they loved us and wanted the best for us. Lacking emotional maturity and training at home, then returning from the warped emotional training I received in the Marines, I was ill-equipped to be married or a dad, but I had a desire to be the best dad and husband I could be. Not understanding the concept of emotional maturity till much later in life, every relationship I had took a hit because of this blind spot. Not until I learned I didn’t have to accept the words of others to feel good about who I was and how I showed up did I start seeing a difference. I find it extremely difficult to see teasing, mocking, belittling, shaming, or bullying because of the negative consequences shame has had on my life. Shame is a confidence thief. It can be the source of a broken spirit that takes a long time to heal and hinders the opportunity of feeling confident. A lack of confidence as a child creates a challenging genesis in life. If it is not overcome, it will continually cripple social connections. I am also regretfully reminded that I have given to others the same treatment that perhaps contributed to their shame. Ouch! That is difficult to admit. Seeing shame’s effects and being reminded of its consequences, I want to do everything in my power to encourage, empower and have a positive influence on other's confidence. Here is a good way to remind ourselves daily, “Am I going to build others up or tear them down today?” My answer… “Today I will focus on catching others doing things right and erasing the effects of the shame monster.” Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #Shame

I must admit my own judgment, or misjudgment has gotten me into trouble too many times. I developed a false preconception due to bias, prejudice, and stereotyping. I hate it when I am wrong, especially about others. A couple of weeks ago, my friend Kevin asked to hear more about respect. I certainly appreciate these requests. I find it easier to relate to these types of inquiries by explaining what it means to me, and for me, it is easier to identify what things are by first looking at what they are not. For instance, disrespect to me, is showing insult, acting rudely, impolitely, or even being aggressive or offensive towards others. On the other hand, respect to me, is accepting others for who they are, even when they’re different from me or they don’t agree with me. I call respect—like trust—the glue that holds relationships together. Sometimes in the beginning respect can come naturally and then sometimes due to obvious differences, it must be earned. Respect is often lost when there are feelings of being judged, belittled, or teased. If I don’t feel safe or trusted in the beginning, respect may be earned with the passage of time. Trust and safety come with respect. I like to think of respect as being able to have a healthy conversation even if we disagree, we can talk openly about who we are and what we stand for. Respect is present in the absence of wanting to be in control and being contentious. Respect is being able to admit mistakes and errors in judgment or actions and show humility. Even though I may experience disrespect from others, this does not give me the right to reciprocate. If I find myself not feeling respected by other people, including family or friends, I must have the courage to let them see the real me by emitting an experience, not by words, that demonstrates who I am. In order to make any type of difference and gain respect, I must show up differently. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees and if someone can't treat me with respect and I don't feel secure with them, I will politely end the relationship with them. All of these are imperative pieces of the “respect puzzle” but a piece that can often be missing is having respect for myself. Respect in any relationship must start with self-respect. I cannot expect someone to treat me with respect if I do not feel good about myself and if I am not treating myself with respect, honor, and dignity. When these principles come together, one clear picture emerges: respect is finding common ground and upholding both my values and others equally. What I think and feel is just as important as what somebody else thinks and feels. You can go beyond what is presented here by thinking creatively about how to be respectful in your own life. I hope this helps address your request, Kevin. Look for the blind spots! Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #Respect #respectful #RespectAllFearNone #inthistogether #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivation