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Before I speak or ask a question, I must understand why I am doing so. This reflection is key to ensuring that my communication is effective and meaningful. From both the speaker's and the listener's perspectives, having a clear purpose improves the quality of the interaction.   How come I am about to ask this question or make this statement ?   From the speaker's perspective , knowing the reason behind my statement or question helps focus my message. When I ask myself, “ What is my goal here?”  Am I seeking to gather information, offer a suggestion, or spark a conversation? For example, if I ask a colleague, "What do you think about this project?" I could be seeking their insights, encouraging collaboration, or requesting feedback. However, without clear intent, the question might come off as vague, leading to ambiguous answers. A better version of that question might be, "What changes do you see that could improve this project?"  This question directly targets the feedback I'm seeking. By making my intentions more specific, my questions become more precise.   Having purpose-driven communication also shapes how I deliver my message. When I know why I am speaking, I can present my ideas in a relevant and meaningful way to the listener. This fosters better engagement and avoids unnecessary confusion or misunderstandings, making the conversation more productive.   From the listener's perspective , understanding the speaker's intent allows for more thoughtful responses because knowing the reason behind a statement or question, they can engage more deeply and respond more effectively. For example, if I ask, "How did you feel about the meeting?"  the listener might not know if I'm looking for feedback or just making small talk. Instead, I can guide the response towards what I need, asking, "What insights do you have that could enhance our meetings?"  This way, the listener understands that I'm seeking constructive feedback, making their response more targeted and helpful.   Purpose-driven communication enhances clarity, fosters better engagement, and ensures that both parties engage with a clearer understanding.   How about you? Would it be meaningful for your listener to know why you are speaking?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Who’s really in charge of my mood?  It’s easy to let other people or situations sway it— too easy, in fact.  You ever have those days where you just dread going home, or maybe you’re dreading when someone else comes home? It’s like setting yourself up for disaster before anything even happens. We’ve all been there. Sure, riding a good mood feels effortless, but the second things take a turn, it’s like flipping a switch to irritation, sadness, or anger. And who’s the first person we usually blame? Someone else.   But the truth is, it’s not their fault.   We often let circumstances— or people —pull us down like we’re on puppet strings. But if you really think about it, no one else holds the strings but us. My mood?   My responsibility.  I can sing when things get tough, laugh when things don’t go my way, or, at the very least, choose not to let the bad stuff eat me alive. Sounds simple, but it’s far from easy.   Look at Paul, in the book of Acts, who talked about finding joy even while sitting in a prison cell. Can you imagine?     Joy in a prison cell.     The man’s in jail, and he’s talking about joy. To many of us, that sounds impossible. And yet, it’s a reminder that no matter how grim things seem, our attitude is still something we control —if we choose.   Circumstances or people will always have the ability  to affect our mood, but they don’t have the final say. I do. I’m the one who gets to decide whether I let a rough day ruin my peace or if I’ll choose joy anyway. It’s not always easy, but it’s empowering to remember whose mood it really is. Choose wisely— because, in the end, the choice is yours.   How about you? Are you in charge of your mood?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

After 20 years of marriage, Carl and Emily stood in their oldest son Jake’s room, staring at the half-packed suitcase. Emily sniffled, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I can’t believe it’s time already. Our baby is going to college.”   Carl put his arm around her, nodding solemnly. “Yeah... I mean, who’s going to empty the dishwasher now?” She elbowed him, though a tiny smile broke through. “You’re impossible.”   Jake, oblivious to the drama, bounced into the room. “I’m going to be late for orientation!”  he shouted, grabbing his gaming console before anything practical like extra socks.   As the car pulled out of the driveway, Emily sighed heavily. “The house is going to feel so empty without him.”   Carl raised an eyebrow. “Empty? Or quiet?”  His eyes sparkled mischievously. “ Remember that trip to Italy we talked about?”   Emily’s mood shifted like flipping a light switch. “And no more piles of sweaty gym clothes everywhere,”  she added.   “That’s right. We’re free! For now...”  Carl glanced at their other two sons lounging on the couch. “Two more to go.”   Fast-forward to later that night. Jake was Facetiming from his dorm while Carl, Emily, and the younger boys clinked glasses of sparkling cider. The sadness had melted away, replaced with excitement for what was to come.   “I’ll miss you guys,”  Jake said, though the background noise of his new college friends told a different story.   Carl leaned in. “Oh, don’t worry, son. You’ll be back soon. We’ve already signed you up for dishwasher and lawn-mowing duty over Christmas break.”   This story is so familiar this time of year. The struggle to let them fly seems so hard at this time. What did we not teach him? Will he eat okay? How will he handle his money? What kinds of friends will he gravitate towards?   Our job as parents is to prepare and launch our children. I call this a celebration with a touch of sadness. What an exciting time to send them off to become their true selves.   This does not happen easily without lots of planning, discipline, and training. Parenting can feel contradictory, as balancing love and discipline can be tricky.   Watch for the blind spots.     Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Not long ago, I listened to John's story:   He told me he sat in his back yard,  his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he didn't reach for it. He knew who it was he'd been dodging that call for weeks.   Years ago, he'd let pride stand between him and his brother. A silly argument about something long forgotten had stretched into silence, silence that echoed louder with every passing day.   Now, his brother was in the hospital. The doctors weren't sure how much time was left, and John wasn't sure if he could fix the years he'd wasted.   He wanted to call, to say the words that had been lodged in his throat for years. But instead, he sat, his regret weighing heavy. He wondered if he'd ever have the courage to break the silence.   Then just like that, the phone stopped vibrating.   Regret is a funny thing. It's not just a passing thought or an occasional "what if?" — it's more like an ache deep in our bones. That heavy feeling of knowing I can't go back, can't fix it, can't say what I should've said. It's a constant reminder that something's missing or I took a wrong turn somewhere. It doesn't fade away with time, either. Instead, it settles in, making itself at home in my chest, limbs, and even how I carry myself.   It's like a shadow that clings to me, an invisible weight that tugs at my every step. Some days, it's quieter, just a faint whisper in the background. On other days, it's loud and sharp, as if the memory is fresh like I made the mistake yesterday. Regret stays with me no matter what. It seems to never quite let go, never fully giving me peace. And that's the hardest part, the ache that never really stops.   I can either live life regretting my past actions and decisions, or I can choose to embrace today with a fresh mindset and step confidently into a future free of regrets.   How about you? Are there things you are putting off that you may regret tomorrow?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Here’s an argument that seems simple, but it’s quite common and problematic:   “You left a glass in the sink.”   “Well, you left a pan on the stove.”   “Why do you always turn it around on me?”   “I didn’t turn it around; you pointed out a fact, and I pointed out a fact. How is that turning it around?”   “Oh, you’re impossible to talk to.”   “No, I’m not!”   Sound familiar?  When there’s unresolved tension between two people, even a small comment can easily be heard as a complaint. Often, one partner feels like they’re falling short of the other’s expectations, which can make them defensive when they feel criticized.   This type of exchange often leads to frustration and miscommunication. Both people end up feeling justified but also disconnected and unappreciated.   The trick is learning to recognize a complaint and deal with it directly. Don’t let hurt feelings push you to turn things into a back-and-forth blame game. After all, how much effort does it take to fix the issue? It’s about resolving the problem without letting emotions spiral out of control.   By admitting and fixing a mistake immediately, you solve the issue and show your partner that you care. Instead of seeing it as a win-lose situation,  consider it a simple way to make your partner feel appreciated. When they win, you win. When they lose, you lose.  And if there’s another issue, like that pan on the stove, bring it up later— there’s no need to keep score.   Is arguing about the glass in the sink worth the distance it creates?   Our culture teaches us to win at all costs. I agree with that regarding the marketplace; however, I say it is wise to surrender to win in relationships.   How about you? Can you swallow your pride and create a winning situation, or is it too important for you to win?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I remember the days of driving my old "beater car"  down life's highway in San Angelo, Texas. The car was a wreck—dented fenders, rusted paint, and cracked windows. As I drove, it was impossible not to notice the bumps and scrapes, with the car bouncing off guardrails and occasionally sliding into ditches. Each incident only made the car worse. Despite this, I blamed everything else: the narrow roads, the potholes, and other drivers. It never crossed my mind that I might be part of the problem.   Eventually, I began to take a closer look at my "beater" and realized something important. I controlled the steering wheel, brakes, and gas pedal. My car reflected my life, and the dings, dents, and scratches represented the blind spots I was oblivious to. These blind spots —my lack of self-awareness, poor decision-making, and tendency to blame others— negatively impacted my relationships and created unnecessary obstacles.   After introspection, I realized I was responsible for the chaos I had created. I needed to change. I gained a clearer perspective by acknowledging my contributions to the problems in my life and making adjustments. I began to understand that blind spots are the things I didn't know I didn't know about myself.  I started listening to others and making better choices with this newfound awareness.   Life's highway is now a multilane expressway with excellent signage and lighting. I traded my pride for a splash of humility,  and it has been a profitable trade. I yield to others so we can all reach our destinations safely and enjoy the journey. Recognizing my blind spots and adjusting for them makes life's highway smoother and more enjoyable for everyone.   I traded in my old "beater " for a sleek Porsche Taycan. Now, life feels smoother, and people no longer avoid me; they smile and wave as we share the road. My journey is no longer about reckless speed but yielding to others, fostering rich relationships, and enjoying the ride. Recognizing my blind spots have made life's highway a far more pleasant and fulfilling experience.   How about you? Is your life's journey in that beater?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I find myself in a very interconnected world; the concept of influence has taken on new dimensions. Consciously or unconsciously, I act as an influencer through how I live my life. My actions, values, and decisions shape not only my paths but also the ones around me. I choose to influence for the good of others and to live with intention and integrity. When I lead by example, my behavior and attitude can inspire and uplift those around me. Acts of kindness, empathy, and generosity can create ripples that extend far beyond my immediate circles. When I invest time in positively guiding others, I foster personal growth and cultivate a culture of support and encouragement. By living in alignment with my values and contributing to the well-being of others, I can harness my influence to create a better world.   Conversely, I can influence in ways that exploit or magnify personal greatness. In a society driven by self-promotion and the pursuit of recognition, there’s a risk of using influence to serve my interests at the expense of others. This could manifest as prioritizing personal gain over collective well-being or influencing social platforms to project a grandiose image rather than a genuine self. When influence becomes a tool to fuel my pride, it often leads to a disconnect from the real needs and experiences of those around me, ultimately undermining authentic connections and trust.   I served as a Rotarian for many years. I will always remember the Four Way Test.  It is a nonpartisan and nonsectarian ethical guide for Rotarian's to use for their personal and professional relationships.   I constantly reflect on the Four Way Test  in the things I think, say, or do:   Is it the TRUTH? Is it FAIR to all concerned? Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIPS? Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned? These principles help me set aside my interests to focus on the greater good of those around me, creating an environment that fosters healthy connections. We are all influencers. How about you? Do you use your influence for the greater good of yourself or for others? Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Today, Jake opened up to me, sharing his story of painful regret. He recounted the story below.     “The other morning, I sat on the cold bench outside the café where Jackie and I used to meet. My heart was heavy with regret. It’s been two years since our last fight—the night I stormed out, leaving behind words of anger and frustration that hung in the air. I thought I could move on, but when I heard she was gone—taken by a tragic accident—everything changed.   I can’t escape the memory of that night. I replay it constantly, wishing I’d said something different, wishing I could take it all back. Now, I’m left with this haunting emptiness that nothing can fill.   I stared at my phone and scrolled to her name. My finger trembled as I pressed "call," knowing she would never answer. Her voicemail picked up, her familiar voice breaking the silence. Tears filled my eyes as I listened, longing for a chance to make things right but knowing that chance was gone forever.   I wish I had; I wish I hadn’t. These thoughts consume me as I suffer the painful regret of acting out of anger and frustration. I can’t stop thinking of the look in her eye as I walked away that night.”     Man, when I think of regrets, I feel sorrow or remorse over something that has happened or something I have done—or failed to do. Regrets often arise when I reflect on past actions, decisions, or words that led to outcomes I wish to change. They can stem from missed opportunities, mistakes, or decisions that didn't turn out as expected. Regrets can be a powerful emotional experience, sometimes leading to a sense of loss, sadness, or even guilt.   Regrets can motivate me to make better choices in the future; however, when left unresolved, regrets can become a heavy burden, affecting my well-being and preventing me from fully living in the present.   How about you? Are you hanging on to past regrets and allowing them to blind you from your future?   Watch for the blind spots.     Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I recently had knee surgery. About nine months before, I was slowing down physically. Since surgery and after lots of physical therapy, my knee is better, yet the rest of my body is slugging along. I am an example of atrophy.   It's funny how my body and mind can seem like they're on two completely different wavelengths. My knee is doing great, but what about the rest of my body? Well, it reminds me how much work there is left to do. I've learned that recovering from knee surgery isn't just about the knee; it's about reclaiming my whole body's strength and vitality.   After reading Carol Dweck's Mindset , I realized that the biggest hurdle isn't physical—it's mental. I've been telling myself my body is too old or tired to bounce back, but those are just excuses. Dweck's book pushed me to adopt a growth mindset, to believe that improvement is always possible with effort and persistence. So, I'm making a daily choice to push through the sluggishness and take small steps toward rebuilding my strength.   Today marks my second week back in the gym. It's not glamorous—I'm focusing on basic movements, light cardio, and gentle strength exercises. My body tells me to take it easy, and I'm listening. But my mind is also nudging me forward, whispering, "You've got this."   I know days are coming when my muscles ache, and I want to skip the gym. But now that I've made this commitment public, I've put myself on the hook. It's about accountability, not just to others but to myself. I owe it to my body to treat it with respect, challenge it, and nurture it back to health.   I'm choosing to invest in my body's future. It's about embracing the struggle and knowing that every bit of effort is a step toward rebuilding a stronger, more resilient version of myself. Here's to the journey ahead, one slow, steady step at a time.   How about you? Are your body and mind conflicted about what you need to do?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

One of the most common issues in my office is what I call the "blame monster."  No matter the type of relationship, conflicts often stem from a feeling of unfairness or perceived injustice. When people feel wronged, this emotional pain usually gets projected onto others with sentiments like, "Life is difficult because of you."   I'm as guilty as anyone about avoiding looking bad. I've made mistakes and shifted the blame onto others, which is embarrassing in hindsight.  I have to admit, I don’t like looking bad, and unfortunately, my habit of pointing fingers is real.   Blaming others can feel like an easy way to protect my ego, but it comes at a cost. When I blame, I avoid the need to change—or at least that's what I tell myself. By shifting responsibility onto others, I dodge facing my flaws and, as a result, miss out on growth opportunities.   Blame acts as a shield, protecting me from the uncomfortable reality that I might be part of the problem. It's much simpler to say, "It's their fault," than to admit, "I could have done better." While comforting in the short term, this habit traps me in a cycle of stagnation, and causes me to look shallow.   I have often blamed external factors like the weather, the government, my boss, coworkers, and neighbors. This mindset fosters a sense of victimization and makes it almost impossible for me to take control and change my situation.   Blaming others is easier than taking accountability, because accountability requires me to confront my flaws and vulnerabilities. It calls for introspection and the courage to change. By taking responsibility, I open myself up to personal growth and stronger relationships.   Blame might feel like an escape, but it's a dead end.  Today, I choose growth over comfort and embrace accountability. It's a truly transformative experience for me.   How about you? Is blame holding you back from being the person you desire to be?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Control has been a significant challenge for me. I once thrived on being in control; it made me extremely uncomfortable when I wasn't. I believed that if things weren't done my way, they were wrong. This rigidity not only affected me but also those around me.   In any relationship, controlling behavior erodes trust and pushes people away emotionally, leading to a deeply unsatisfying connection.   I remember a trip to New Orleans with another couple. I let the other person drive, which was unusual for me. When he wanted to consult the map, I insisted I knew a shortcut. We ended up lost for 30 minutes, which was both embarrassing and a stark reminder of the pitfalls of my controlling nature. This incident was just one example of how my need for control led to more significant issues.   Through these experiences, I've realized that trying to control everything is impossible for me and frustrating for others. Embracing a more relaxed approach has been refreshing. For example, driving in Houston has taught me that I can't control other drivers, no matter how wise I consider myself.  My attempt to tailgate someone who has been tailgating me or just cut me off has not taught them how to drive. My view of other reckless drivers has changed. I have adopted the attitude that we are all trying to get somewhere; some are more in a hurry than others. Instead of reacting to reckless drivers with frustration, I now focus on helping others get to their destinations safely.   In teaching, I've learned that allowing others to make mistakes rather than exerting constant control is more effective and less stressful for us. I've realized that trying to control everything often leads to losing control.   In emergencies, where my background in safety and leadership is beneficial, I feel confident taking charge to protect others. However, in everyday situations, relinquishing control has been liberating.   How about you? Is your need for control causing you to go out of control to gain control?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

What price have I paid when I wanted to do something but didn't because I feared hearing the word “no?”   I spoke with a friend who shared a story about running into a beautiful classmate many years after they graduated from college. She asked him why he never asked her out. He admitted that he was afraid of being rejected. To his surprise, she revealed that she had been very interested in him. What a missed opportunity! We'll never know how things might have turned out if he had overcome his fear of rejection. It could have led to something extraordinary, or maybe not. It brings up the question, "What if?"   This reminded me of the many times I have done the same.   When I wanted to do something but didn't because I feared hearing "no." I missed opportunities for growth, learning, and success. Whether I wanted to ask for a promotion or a raise, pursue a new passion, or reach out to someone I cared about, the fear of rejection prevented me from taking the risks necessary for personal and professional development.   As time has passed the fear of hearing "no"  has fueled a deep sense of regret and frustration over missed opportunities. The weight of "what if"  and "what could have been"  haunts me, leading to dissatisfaction with a life that may not fully reflect who I am or what I truly want. Avoiding "no"  has cost me confidence, resilience, and a chance to live authentically.   Today, I choose to not be afraid of the word “no.”   I will not allow it to inhibit my future.   How about you? What has the fear of hearing "no"  cost you?   Watch for the blind spots. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp