Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand?
Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light.
“Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.”
“Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated.
It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot]
I call it a 'bubbling cauldron of anxiety' and it gets so high that just the 'tiniest bit of conflict' makes that thing boil over and splash out.
That is when you 'better get yer dukes up' because the bell rings and fighting starts over dishes, picking up, driving, or yes, whose turn it is to shut out the light.
As we begin to sort through, we draw out the real problem.
The “unfinished business” they are carrying or harboring against one another—about the story they are telling themselves that they are ‘not’ telling each other.
I walk them through how anxiety and intellect compete for the same available brain resources.
That the more anxious we are the less intellectual and the more intellectual we are the less anxious.
When one goes up, the other goes down.
We make all of our decisions out of our emotions, so when our intellect lines up with our emotions we are in peak performance to make the best, healthiest, most productive choices.
The key is taking cues and knowing when anxiety has overridden the intellect and having the courage to change even when the other is not willing.
We have to step out of indifference and pretense, stop hiding or holding back, and actually have the difficult conversations that are going to advance a healthier more emotionally mature relationship.
Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself
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