Relationships become predictable when we do the same thing repeatedly, even if it doesn't work.
You say this…I respond with that…
I do this…you do that…
These predictable conversations or actions create an “orbit.”
An orbit is a perpetual elliptical path that one object in space takes around another.
It is the same in relationships, we create an orbit that moves in the same trajectory path and becomes predictable in nature.
When engaging in these familiar activities, we never resolve any issues, and actions usually end with disappointment and without closure.
This is the beginning of a fractured relationship.
It is vital to start fresh discussions or take new actions that can lead to resolutions in order to get over this.
I call this flying in a new orbit.
Problems arise when one partner endeavors to make a change for the better but the other feels uncomfortable and they try everything within their power to return the relationship to its familiar old orbit.
We tend to hang out in what is familiar rather than what is good for us.
If I choose to show up differently in my relationships to create a win-win for us, it is imperative that I stay in this new orbit even if things don't improve right away.
When I choose something new to promote this win-win without putting the other in a defensive mode, I have established a new orbit.
This could be that I choose not to allow an argument to get out of hand, or that I will not allow someone to bully me or defame me.
After choosing the new orbit, I must ACT in a manner to show the other I am serious about what I need for a win-win.
Another example could be a debate that fuels polarization, anxiety and worry.
If this dispute was written on a tablet instead of speaking, it might be handled differently.
As a result, anxiety may decrease, and reason and intellect may be better employed.
Sustained change is the secret to success when you choose a new orbit.
It is necessary to stay on the new path until the other sees the advantage of the new way of doing things.
Thus, a new orbit is created.
Is this easy?
Is it fruitful in building a stronger relationship?
Be open to recognizing and even celebrating what makes each of you healthier in this relationship.
Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself