Manipulation is a tactic someone uses to “pull your strings” and gain control over you by making you feel bad about your “authentic” thoughts, feelings, and actions.
They use strategies like lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and "the silent treatment," among others, to get you to believe that you are wrong and that they are right.
You may feel confused, caught off guard, uncertain about what to think or feel, and find yourself apologizing for something that is not your fault to put them at ease.
When I hear the word manipulation I go back to "locus of control."
Remember, locus of control is the principle that our lives are full of actions and outcomes, every person is in charge of their behavior and decisions, and we place the locus, or location, either externally or internally.
If I say, “You are manipulating me.” I give you control.
This is an ‘external’ locus of control. I attribute the outcome to external forces beyond my control and find myself feeling helpless to enact change.
But the truth is my level of control often resides only in my perception of it.
Between this real and perceived control is the choice to believe in myself and my ability to change it.
If I say, “I am “allowing” myself to be manipulated I can “disallow” manipulation.”
This is an ‘internal’ locus of control, I have personal control over my own behavior.
Choice makes all the difference in how you feel about something.
Whether manipulation is in the form of verbal put-downs, name calling, trying to guilt you, abuse, or threats—rather than viewing yourself as simply a passive bystander who is caught up in the flow of life, think about actions you can take that will have an impact on the outcome.
A healthy relationship—personal or business—is based on trust, understanding, and mutual respect.
Live your life with authenticity, set clear boundaries, stand up for yourself and remember who you are.
Your locus of control influences not only how you respond to manipulation, but the consequences of your actions help determine your beliefs about the results of future situations.
Sounds silly but we do not realize what a blind spot this is and how it puts us on a collision course in life.
Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you.
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