top of page

The tip of the iceberg...

I observe often that we do not talk in-depth enough, we talk on the surface and too much information goes unspoken.

We hit the highlights thinking that is enough to build the personal relationships we desire. [Blind Spot]

I call this “Iceberg Communication.”

If you remember your science, only about 10% of an iceberg is above the waterline.

90% of the iceberg is under the waterline.

Imagining our communication is the iceberg, the ‘words’ we are using and our ‘actions’ are visible. The 10%.

However, the thoughts, ideologies, values, and belief systems we are using to base what we are saying on are not visible. They remain unstated in the depths, hidden. The 90%.

We make a big mistake if we just listen to the words, and actions interpreting them verbatim.

The same is true if we make assumptions or form an opinion about what was intended and why.

Above the surface, you have conflict, arguments, or "the silent treatment" behavior.

Below the surface are the factors that influence or feed these behaviors, feelings, past hurt, unspoken needs, or family issues. [Blind Spot]

The resolution often requires full scuba gear and a deep dive expedition that focuses on what has not been communicated and allows deeper discovery of what is below.

We begin to see how to make sense of the conflict, how to stop triggering each other, and how to understand and express emotion with maturity.

We can be gently curious in our questioning, i.e. “I can see your anger, and I know you have good reason to be angry. Tell me more.”

We find we do not have to be afraid of the vulnerability, even though it may be painful.

We become safe listeners with the goal of understanding rather than just trying to be right.

Our relationships work both ways, we need to share decision-making power and responsibility.

This will encourage growth and success so we do not have "Titanic” results.

Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you.

Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts.


Sign up to publish your comments.

Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site.

Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback.

If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below.

Blind Spots in Relationships

What I don't know I don't know about myself

6 views0 comments


bottom of page