Blind Spot: Filling in the Blanks
- Jerry Clark
- 13 hours ago
- 1 min read
There have been more times than I would like to admit when I filled in the blanks about what someone else was thinking, only to discover later that I had been completely wrong.
I assumed someone was disappointed in me when they were having a difficult day. I thought silence meant rejection when it really meant exhaustion. I interpreted a short response as anger when the other person was distracted. I wasn't responding to reality. I was responding to the story I had written in my own mind.
Our brains dislike uncertainty, so they rush to create an explanation.
The problem is that anxiety usually holds the pen. It writes stories based on old wounds and hidden fears instead of today's facts.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned is that a gently curious question is far more powerful than an anxious assumption. Instead of deciding what someone meant, I have learned to ask, "Help me understand." Those simple words have prevented unnecessary hurt and strengthened some of my most important relationships.
One of our greatest blind spots is believing our interpretation is the truth. Often it is only one possible explanation among many.
Now, before filling in the blanks, pause. Ask a question.
Give the other person the opportunity to explain before you decide what they meant. You may discover that what was hurting you was never their intention at all. Sometimes the greatest pain comes from the story we tell ourselves.
Watch for the blind spots.
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Thanks alway for your wisdom and solutions.
Giving me a chance to simply 'repeat', helps me to rephrase, as I likely spoke too quickly. Meaning that I may not have clearly stated my point. This alone could resolve the upset. Perhaps others are like me, as I need to talk through a challenge with someone. I like it when I'm given that opportunity.