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Ralph wakes up on Saturday morning and makes coffee. Robin joins him a few minutes later. She sees a glass in the sink and says, "You left the glass in the sink." He replies, "Well, you left a pan on the stove." She asked, "Why do you always turn it around on me?" He retorts, "I'm not turning it around on you; I'm giving you a fact just like you gave me." Their words escalated, with both blaming the other. Robin becoming distraught, leaves the room in total frustration. Ralph feels like he has done nothing wrong. The relationship fractures a little more. Let's look at this situation from afar. Robin states a fact, and rather than accepting her fact and acknowledging it, Ralph becomes defensive. I wonder if he's thinking of how many great things he has done for her over the past years, and now she's complaining about a stinking glass in the sink. Robin is looking at a narrow window of time. Robin's time is now not looking in the past. In this instant, she sees something she has talked to Ralph about. She knows he knows it is her pet peeve to have dirty dishes in the sink. She wonders why he changes the subject to a pan on the stove rather than deal with the glass in the sink. There are many different solutions to this widespread issue. If Ralph would agree and say, "you're right, and let me take care of this quickly," he would look like a hero. He would have to overlook the perceived condemnation of being accused of doing things that upset his wife. This could be seen as a blemish on him or if he was feeling great about himself, he could have handled this with a smile. If he has an issue with Robin leaving the pan on the stove, it needs to be handled at a different time and conversation, not when she brings up something about him that he doesn't like to hear. Robin could have done this with a kind and considerate voice, which may have created a different experience for Ralph. Both might be sitting on unfinished business that causes them not to hear a perceived complaint from the one they care about the most. This issue is more common than not. It doesn't have to be a glass or a pan. It could be any number of things that happen in a relationship. Are you keeping in the moment during your conversations? Can you be kinder and more considerate in your requests? Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #bible #bayharbourumc #mindset #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #whenitrainsitpours #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts #people

I stopped at a sandwich shop for lunch. The young man helping me was kind and courteous and did a great job with my sandwich. I noticed another young man who was waiting behind me. I got my sandwich and drink and sat down. Then I heard a commotion. The young customer was yelling and cursing as he walked out the door. He stopped at the door and continued taunting the young worker. He continued calling him awful names and invited the worker to settle it outside. The young man behind the counter ignored the commotion and continued his work. The other slammed the door, got in his car, and hastily drove away. Wow, it happened in a flash. It went from peace to potential rumble in seconds. I was grateful no weapons were involved. I was thankful that the young man behind the counter maintained an excellent, self-controlled posture while the other was totally out of control—anxiety up, intellect down. As I finished my sandwich, I wondered what had happened to the angry young man who had caused the scene. I asked myself what he might be dealing with that caused such a reaction. Did it result in road rage? Did he take it out on a loved one later? Did he hurt himself or someone else downstream? Did he pull over somewhere and healthily process his hurt, frustration, or pain? I doubt the latter is what happened. It is an excellent illustration of how carrying unresolved business can cause us to develop a "chip on our shoulder." (Looking for someone to start something so I can finish it.) Unresolved issues may cause the choice to include a verbal or physical assault or even using weapons. This is an excellent example of one person staying in control while the other goes out of control. Being emotionally mature starts with self-assessment and regulating my actions based on my circumstances. If I'm emotionally charged, I must claim it and posture my actions and reactions to control myself. Are you carrying emotional baggage that could ignite a situation that could trigger something undoable? Do you recognize and do something about it when you are emotionally charged? Can you make the right choice during an encounter such as this one? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #choices #itsachoice #choicesmatter #yourchoice #makegoodchoices #makeadifference #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #counselingmatters #mindsetiseverything

My friends Ralph and Robin were arguing, as it progressed, Ralph began to get anxious, and his voice elevated. Raising his voice didn't cause the reaction he was looking for, so he got even louder. Finally, he subdued the conversation with Robin by escalating harsh, controlling language. Robin sank into the woodwork as her demeanor seemed more passive and subservient. Ralph and Robin have recreated a relationship much like their parents. Ralph's dad was harsh and controlling. Robin's mom was subservient and passive. These characteristics portrayed by each are familiar. They witnessed these conversations, arguments, and harsh words in their families of origin. When Ralph gets upset, he barks and demands control. Robin tends to take cover and protect the children. This type of discussion to solve a problem is a blind spot for both. It is so difficult to recognize this orbital behavior it's a vicious cycle. Their friends and family witness it in a magnified fashion and it is a painful experience to witness the ones we love in an apparent out-of-control situation. Remember the term: I go out of control to gain control. We gravitate to what's familiar. If love is perceived as harsh and troublesome, finding a mate that fits that experience is easy. Even when we are aware that the things we are experiencing are not suitable for us, it is simple to find ourselves amid what I consider to be familiar experiences. Ralph is confident in his method of taking care of business. He is oblivious to his contribution to the chaos. Robin's passivity is also not evident to her. Perhaps she has attempted to stand her ground only to make things worse. Breaking this familiar pattern can take significant effort. Introspective behavior must be evident if a change is going to occur. First, when we hang out in what is familiar, it can be complicated to recognize our poor behavior. Secondly, breaking out of this orbital behavior can be complex and seems impossible. When you are trying to create a change, it can be a strange experience for everyone involved and may even reignite old behaviors. Sometimes change requires outside assistance, but it can be hard to reach out and break parental patterns since it is such a blind spot. This is not to blame their parents; it's to bring awareness of behavior that gets adopted and is not working. Change is hard, but it is wonderful when hard work creates peace and harmony. Do you hang out in what is familiar, causing your loved ones to suffer? Just because you think something is working doesn't mean it works for everyone. Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #marriage #selfempowerment #fridayinspiration #familiar #change #changeisgood #changeyourmindset #changeyourlife #mindset #thinking #MindOfChrist #mindovermatter #empoweryourself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #humility #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #leadershipcoaching

Secrets are about doing or saying things that would hurt the ones close to us and cause trust to erode. Some relationships begin with secrets and build a house of cards. Their foundation is shallow, and the opportunity for failure is great. Others start with honesty but then erode. Ralph and Robin are celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary. Ralph has surprised Robin with a piece of expensive (for them) jewelry. She is excited and awed. When she questions Ralph about the cost, he says he has been saving for this for some time. They have had money issues in the past where secrets were associated with spending. They enjoyed a great night out and reminisced over their relationship. They looked into the future together and dreamed about how they wanted their marriage to look in the next five years. About a week later, Robin was paying bills and saw that one credit card looked strangely high. It was one they had agreed would only be used for emergencies. During her investigation, she saw her wedding gift appeared on this card and other unfamiliar charges. She has been furious for hours waiting for Ralph to get home. She is impatient and immediately calls him out on his lies before he even passes the threshold. He is automatically defensive and gives up a lame excuse. This is fuel for the fire, and she begins to berate him for what else he is hiding and lying about. He (bringing up the past) asks if she has been deleting texts again. Wow, now this has become charged. Ralph in reality was without money, but wanted to do something nice for Robin. His idea was great, but how he carried it out was dreadful. This brings out the point of not being authentic, genuine, and honest with our close relationships and how it creates skepticism, distrust, fear, and a sense of betrayal. These four things permeate our minds and are challenging to let go. Being caught in a lie is unpleasant and difficult to forgive or forget. We each have an opinion about what we believe lies to be. It is easy to tell white lies, such as answering that nothing is wrong when there really is and saying things are fine when they’re really not. A sign of emotional intelligence is acknowledging our mistakes. This encourages trust and intimacy, primarily before we get caught. It doesn’t go without producing harm, but it is much better than concealing. Secrets cut both ways. The offended party is hurt and wounded due to the severity of the deed. Secret holders feel guilt and shame. What about you? Do you carry the burden of secrets? What do you need to do so that new secrets are not established? Be honest now, secrets are relationship killers. Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #bible #secrets #lies #bayharbourumc #SecretsAndLies #mindset #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #whenitrainsitpours #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts #people

An excuse is a reason to explain why something has, has not, or will not be done. Excuses for failures can be used for not taking responsibility. Excuse implies a desire to avoid punishment, rebuke, or look bad in another’s presence. Excuses create opportunities for others to doubt or not believe. They dodge the issue and can create frustration during a conversation. Taking responsibility creates a very different conversation. It allows honesty and genuineness, and believability. It shows culpability and opportunity for self-correction. Ownership of a problem builds trust and confidence. Examples: Why were you late? The traffic was terrible this morning, or I failed to consider heavy traffic. What is the delay on this project? I have been waiting on the other department, or I allowed the other department to not get me the information on time. Why is the workroom a mess? Others just don’t seem to care, or I should have noticed this and done something about it. Notice that these excuses do not really address the issues. They deflect, disregard, or ignore responsibility. The one offering the excuse appears to have escaped blame: however, I see this as a weakness and poor acknowledgment of someone’s identification of an issue that needs solving and makes them look worse. “It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” ― George Washington Excuses do not solve problems. They only add to the frustration of the person identifying the problem. Taking responsibility opens the door to problem solving. What is your excuse? Have you ever noticed how excuses detract? After asking for clarification, which would you rather hear, the excuse or a responsible explanation? Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #excuses #excusesdontgetresults #excusesorresults #excusesdontburncalories #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #couragetoriseandthrive #counselingmatters #mindsetiseverything

Four employees are doing the same work for a small engineering firm. Two have been there for less than one year, one for less than two years, and Ned has been with the company for almost six years but has been on this project for the last two years and is the "unnamed" leader of the team. The company owner has expressed concerns about time waste and the quality of work in this small group. Ned has negatively saturated the group's attitude. When the boss gives them their duties and instructions, Ned later tells them they don't have to do it that way, to do it his way, or just go back to the old way. Ned had been moved to 4 different departments trying to find a place where he fits, but trouble seemed to follow him. This should have been a red flag early in his employment. It could have been a blind spot for both him and his manager. It might have been a case of being overly forgiving and failing to address a problem before it cost both parties. What is the price for poor morale, productivity, and working relationships? For Ned, it meant being let go because of many issues, including poor productivity and insubordination. "We expect what we inspect." When poor production and attitudes go unchecked; what can you expect? Ned is not a bad person, but it's possible that he didn't receive the proper feedback when he first started working, and even if he did, neither he nor his manager could correct his course. Providing appraisals and coaching is the key to keeping all issues on the front rather than turning a blind eye and letting things build. Many years ago, when I was employed in the corporate world, I wanted to say nice things about my employees. Sometimes it was only during an annual appraisal that they discovered I was dissatisfied with some aspect of their productivity or performance. [Blind Spot] Things could have been handled differently earlier in Ned's job. Minor issues can develop into significant problems if addressed later than sooner. It's crucial to remain involved in successful and unsuccessful daily activities. Ned could have been concerned and stressed dealing with personal, job, or health issues and not sharing these may have contributed to his attitude. [Blind Spot] Keeping the regular feedback loop going and knowing how we, as employees or managers, are doing is essential for healthy companies. This way, everyone knows the expectation, can make corrections, and there are no surprises. Ned was surprised when he was let go. Termination is a disaster on both sides, humiliation on the part of the employee with loss of income and benefits, and the company with the expensive loss of a well-trained employee. Look for the unfinished business upstream before having to take drastic recovery methods. Are you tolerating substandard performance or behavior? Are you prolonging the agony? Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #marriage #selfempowerment #fridayinspiration #astitchintime #mindset #thinking #MindOfChrist #mindovermatter #empoweryourself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #humility #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #leadershipcoaching #business #businessowner #businessgrowth

I had the delightful opportunity of attending a three-day conference this past week. I heard about 15 different speakers talk about marriage and family therapy topics. Some were moving and fascinating, some were transferring information, and some were not interesting. What struck me the most was a young speaker who was new to the profession and was clearly passionate about what he was presenting. Despite the importance of the material he covered, the audience seemed disconnected. He was relatively knowledgeable, spoke very quickly, and concluded rather abruptly. He answered some questions as if he were a subject matter expert, despite his lack of experience in the field. I applaud him for his courage to speak among his more mature peers. He exemplified the statement, "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." I had found myself in that situation many times, mainly when I talked about a subject where I needed to be the subject matter expert and was not. It was noticeable, particularly when a large group was present, and I had a lot of information to present. They didn't hear what I had to say because I needed to interact with them more effectively. It's easy for good news to fall on deaf ears. This principle doesn't just apply to large groups; it can also be associated with individuals or small groups. Sometimes it's easy to turn others off with our "knowledge." [Blind Spot] I love these two questions: How come I'm about to say what I'm about to say? What do I want them to think of me after you have this talk? Looking at the first question, knowing why I want to say something, can steer me down a very different path. If I were going to talk about communications and began speaking about facts, it would probably cause the listeners to tune out. If I talk about good vs. lousy communication and give examples, it will allow them to relate. Talking about the costs of poor communication can open listeners to hearing at a different level. Once engaged, they can listen to facts. No matter how big or small the crowd, when I speak to join first, they become open and receptive to what I have to say. The second question is also essential. If I don't care what they think of me, I may show up unprepared or matter-of-factly, tarnishing my relationships with them. They will want to hear more of what I say if I am fully prepared and can connect with them. These two questions also help me decide what and how to present. We all have great information, life experiences, funny stories, and incredible wisdom to offer. What matters most is how it is packaged. Do people really hear your message? Do you get the credit you deserve for passing along great information? Do people enjoy being in your presence? We all have great information to present. Are we capable of saying it in ways people can hear us? Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #bible #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #thankfulwednesday #Knowledge #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts #people #canyouhearme #canyouhearmenow #listeningskills #TheodoreRoosevelt #listen

How subtle can that be? We continually teach people how to treat us with every action and conversation in which we engage. Ralph and Robin are enjoying a wonderful day together. Life is good. They have been together for years, and there have been no recent arguments. They are watching a movie together in their living room, and Ralph asks Robin to please rub his back. Robin balks and declines his request. What?! He thinks? She usually does this with no resistance. When he asks “Why,” she gives several reasons and continues to watch the movie and does not respond to his request. Ralph is upset and begins to pout, sulk, and scowl (yes, he does). "I don't understand," he says. "You always rub my back." "Not this time," she snaps back. Ralph's expectation has been denied, and he doesn't understand. Their wonderful day together has turned sour. What is happening here? Is Robin saying that she doesn't like nor desire to rub his back? Out of generosity, love, and concern for him, Robin did something that was unpleasant to her. The longer she consented, the more she resented, but her actions “taught” Ralph that she didn't mind. Agreeing to do something she didn't want to do and then faking it has resulted in disaster. “How others treat us is their karma; how you react is yours.” (unknown) Sometimes we can tolerate things for a little while but not for an extended period. “Respectful” treatment can be easily sustained. “Enduring” what we don't enjoy cannot. Sometimes it can be endured for days, weeks, months, or even decades, but at some point, if we're doing things that we don't enjoy or don’t give us satisfaction, it is challenging to sustain and will usually end. “We promote what we permit.” (unknown) The fascinating point here is—since Ralph has not recognized that it's irritating for Robin to rub his back, and Robin has continued to rub his back despite her resentment and discomfort and has finally gotten enough, they both suffer. Early in a relationship, it is easy to do things that we don't necessarily enjoy but wanting to please others, we do it anyway. [Blind Spot] “If I'm going to be mad at anyone in this relationship, it will not be me.” (unknown) This kind of blind spot can be hazardous to a relationship. We must know when we endure more than is pleasurable. Are there things that you do in your relationships that you resent? Will your tolerance expire soon and create discord in the relationship? Do you truly teach people how you want to be treated? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #marriage #marriagegoals #marriagematters #marriagecounseling #counseling #couragetoriseandthrive #counselingmatters #mindsetiseverything

Ralph is talking to his friend Robert about Robin. He tells him he is exasperated due to Robin’s griping and complaining. He says it seems that she is always unhappy about so many things. She whines about the way this is done or that it is not done. Griping can be a result of miscommunication. If I tell you something and it does not get done, I’ll say it again out of frustration. When it still goes undone, the complaining gets worse, and the relationship begins to fracture. It will only get worse if a change in communication doesn’t happen. When someone lodges a grievance, and nothing happens to resolve it; it escalates. The aggrieved party feels unheard and tends to get louder and more resolute in their approach to solving their issue. The blamed party becomes more resistant and may even get angry about repeatedly hearing the same thing over and over. Often the controversy leaks over to other family members and friends. It is so easy for both parties to feel unheard, unappreciated, and nagged. This is such a typical situation where information flow needs to be translated in a manner that can make a difference. Both parties have the right to complain about the other; he doesn’t listen, and she is constantly nagging. If this continues, it gets added to the resentment pile and will only cause more misunderstanding and self-righteous behavior. It is easy for each to see the situation from their own perspective. If only they would listen or stop nagging. Instead of the initial conversation, blaming becomes the root of the conflict. I see both parties as culpable here. He fails to listen in a manner that will allow her to share her concern. It could feel like he is wrong or inept in some way. This causes defensiveness which will stop communication almost immediately. She fails to get her point across in a way he can hear and respond in a more favorable way. If she repeats it louder or later the same way, he still will not be able to hear it in a way that can be processed. This is the blind spot for both. If nagging surfaces in a relationship, stop, and look for ways to listen and hear what is being said. After all, the relationship is at stake. Watch for the blind spots. This is a great video**, enjoy and Happy Friday! **instagram video credit—ellen skrimetti : @justskrmetti Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #leadershipdevelopment #leadershipcoaching #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #marriage #selfempowerment #fridayinspiration #mindset #thinking #MindOfChrist #mindovermatter #empoweryourself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #humility #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayfeeling #communication #change #share

Oh no, my alarm didn’t want to get up this morning! I jump out of bed, still tired and blurry-eyed, and start walking to the shower. Along the way, I find the door with my toe, OUCH! Hobbling to enter the shower, I turn on the water. Brrrrrr!! A freezing cold stream of spray comes out, and I find that I am flailing my hands and arms about in an attempt to shut off the shower. The freezing water keeps bouncing off me until I can find the hot faucet to get that Goldilocks effect, “just right.” Still blurry-eyed and now shivering, I reach for the shampoo; whoa, whoa, fumble, it slips out of my hands, and I’ll be danged if it doesn’t hit my already-pounding toe. I reach to pick it up, get all washed off, and step out of the shower to reach for the towel, and my foot slips, and I find myself almost in the splits, but the towel catches the hook and keeps me from a certain trip to the emergency room. I get dressed, rush to the kitchen, grab a coffee, and hop in the truck to get to work. As I reach to put my coffee in the drink holder, I hit the steering wheel and spill scalding hot coffee on my pants; brushing my pants off, I realize I have put on a brown sock and a black sock, ugh. Oh, did I mention the ‘check engine’ light starts glowing on the dashboard? I will just have to deal with it at lunch. I get into the office, and I realize in the midst of it all I have forgotten my briefcase with my phone and computer; *sigh* I sit down—say it with me, “when it rains, it pours.” Today is a lesson in resilience. Bouncing back. Resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. In situations like this morning, I will prove my character and shape my decisions, thinking, and actions for the day. Resilience is the mental reservoir of strength that I call on in times of need, so I don’t fall apart. Believe me, it is not adversity that strengthens people—it is the “process” of facing life, learning, and persevering. Resilience is not something that you are born with. Resilience develops as “we” grow, gain knowledge, better thinking, and emotional maturity. In the big playbook, Jesus gave us a key to being resilient, “In the world, you have tribulation, trials, distress, and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted!] For I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33 AMPC Even in the face of events that seem unimaginable, resilience teaches us to marshal our strengths to survive and prosper. So, when it pours, grab your umbrella and dance in the rain. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Please comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #resilience #BounceBack #bible #danceintherain #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #whenitrainsitpours #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts #people

Some of you know but some may not know, I have written a book, Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't Know about Myself. I am excited to announce that TBN | Trilogy.tv has picked my book up for publishing. Below is the commercial that is running on TBN and TBN Inspire Channel. It is available on amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Books a Million, Walmart.com, Trilogy.tv and many more. Thank you all for your support. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #ChampionshipMindset #championmindset #lesbrown #innercritic #marriage #marriagegoals #marriagematters #marriagecounseling #counseling #couragetoriseandthrive #counselingmatters #mindsetiseverything #walmartmarketplace #barnesandnoble #amazonbooks #amazonkindle

Robin and Ralph have been dating for more than a year and are discussing his ex-girlfriend. Robin reports feeling that his ex is trying to keep in touch with him even though they have been apart for over a year. His ex-texts him occasionally, and it is getting under Robin's skin. She continues to complain to Ralph; he claims to have told her to stop, but it has done no good. She doesn't want to lose him, but the same old tactics aren't working. She uses this opportunity to say the same things, only louder and more frequently. [Blind Spot] Both are getting more frustrated, and the stress is overwhelming. Out of exasperation, Robin takes the situation into her own hands and contacts the ex. Robin tells the ex to leave them alone. The ex now sees that she has stoked Robin's jealousy and escalates her texts to him. Ralph isn't helping to diffuse the situation because he doesn't see this as a problem; he has no interest in his ex, so it is a non-issue. [Blind Spot] His inability to grasp Robin's frustration adds to her dissatisfaction, and she threatens to end their relationship if the texting doesn't stop. This frustrates Ralph because he feels helpless, claiming he has no control over her. This situation is more common than you might think. It is easy to become a victim of the ex and lose self-control. [Blind Spot] Ralph claims to have no control, but I see several opportunities where he can act. He can refuse to respond to the ex and let her know that her texts are forwarded straight to Robin. And, of course, he can continue to affirm Robin and show, not tell her, that she is his one and only. This is a perfect opportunity for Robin to reassess herself and see that she is worthy of Ralph's love. The better she feels about herself, the less she will endure. It is time to move on if she can't get Ralph to understand that she will not be in a relationship with the ex-hanging around. This is an excellent place to examine jealousy and how it is affecting Robin's discord. If she continues to focus on the ex, the convincing evidence will appear; it's like the adage—you get what you are looking for… Jealousy can be seen as a blend of fear, anger, and sadness. When fear is involved, jealousy feels threatening. And it's easy to experience a sense of menacing doom in your relationship. Jealousy can only be overcome by others taking action to alleviate the problem. Example: the ex must stop texting, and he must break it off. If the other person does not act in the manner that I need, jealousy will never reside. When jealousy can be replaced with inadequacy, the victim (Robin) becomes in control. Inadequate means to not be enough, to be insufficient, not educated enough, not able enough, or simply ill-equipped to handle the situation. I cannot change jealousy, but I can change my inadequacy by becoming adequate. Read that again. I am now in control, not that outside force. Now I can focus on my adequacy, not my faults and shortcomings. I can see what I deserve and will not settle for poor treatment. This is easier said than done. Yet it is essential to maintain a great sense of adequacy if you are in a relationship. Have you been a victim of jealousy? It can be a monster if you let it. Can you see the opportunity to change jealousy with inadequacy? Watch for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about Myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #marriage #selfempowerment #fridayinspiration #jealousy #mindset #thinking #MindOfChrist #mindovermatter #empoweryourself #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #humility #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #Friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation