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Have you ever been excited to share a story, only to wish you could take it back the moment it’s out there? My enthusiasm fades when it seems my story doesn’t match someone else’s. I think it is blurting out a story without considering the other person. Hero stories can inadvertently shut down conversations. It’s almost a reflex to respond with a bigger, better story than the one just told. In personal and professional settings, the desire to be viewed as a “hero” can often provoke a contest of storytelling expertise. I risk harming meaningful communication when I try to surpass others’ stories or accomplishments. This doesn’t just erode the spirit of teamwork; it also diminishes the importance of genuine experiences and ideas, as everyone becomes more focused on outshining one another. Examples: Alice shares her excitement about successfully leading a small project at work. Bob immediately jumps in to talk about the time he led a major company-wide initiative, which drew all the attention and diminished Alice’s sense of accomplishment. Carla mentions her lovely weekend trip to a nearby beach. Derek interjects to describe his month-long trek through Southeast Asia, making Carla’s simple getaway seem trivial and less attractive by comparison. Hero stories, especially those focusing on personal triumphs over others, can stifle genuine dialogue and collaboration. They often shift the focus from understanding and resolving collective issues to proving individual worth through tales of personal conquest. This intrusive style can diminish the contributions of others, breeding resentment and miscommunication among team members. Constant one-upping can lead to a lack of vulnerability within teams. Members feel the need to always appear strong or unbeatable rather than open and collaborative. This environment discourages the sharing of failures and learning experiences that are crucial for group growth and improvement. I sometimes say, “I’m sure others have a better story than mine. However, I’m going to tell it anyway.” If someone jumps in with a hero story, I say, “I prefaced my comment by saying someone may have a better story,” and let it go. How about you? Do you tell hero stories? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your time and please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I frequently find myself pondering these questions: What cost did I pay for yesterday? How many days remain for me? Am I making the most of them, or am I squandering them as if I had unlimited time? Am I truly living, or merely existing? Wow, when I think about these questions, I find my thoughts scattered. Sometimes, I feel like I'm making the most of my time, and other times, I feel like I've lost precious moments that I can never get back. What have I achieved, produced, or made happen? Have I used my unique talents to create something only I can create? The hourglass is a timeless symbol of the unrelenting passage of time, it captures our imagination with its simple yet profound design. As sand trickles steadily through the narrow channel, each grain marks a moment passed, irreversible and complete. This elegant timekeeper reminds me that time is finite, urging me to cherish each second. Living, in its truest form, involves a conscious engagement with our lives. It requires an active pursuit of purpose and meaning, not merely an adherence to routines that might feel comfortable but ultimately unfulfilling. Each morning, I wake is an opportunity to ask myself, "Am I living according to my values and aspirations, or am I simply existing within the confines of my circumstances? In the quiet reflection of a day's end, a haunting question emerges: "What price did I pay for yesterday?" It's a contemplative inquiry into the essence of our daily exchanges—time for experience, energy for achievements, emotions for interactions. Yet, deeper than a mere assessment of day-to-day transactions, this question invokes a profound awareness of our mortality. "How many days do I have left?" No one holds the ledger but time itself, and it keeps its secrets well. Every day counts against an unknown total, lending each moment a value that is often realized only in retrospect. In this light, the urgency to ask whether I am using my days to their fullest becomes more moving. Am I merely existing, allowing the days to slip by in a series of forgettable sequences? Or am I truly living, embracing each day as a unique opportunity to experience, learn, and grow? Finding and following a purpose is arguably one of the most challenging yet rewarding endeavors. Purpose drives us, motivates us, and provides a yardstick against which we measure our actions and decisions. It is the compass that guides us through life's complexities and challenges. Without it, we risk drifting aimlessly, caught in the currents of obligation and societal expectation, rather than sailing the course of our own charting. Am I really living, or am I just existing? This question isn't meant to be answered in a day but pondered over a lifetime. Living means making choices that align with who we are and who we hope to be. It means finding joy in the journey, learning from the setbacks, and moving forward with a clearer vision of where we want to go. It requires us to be present in our lives, actively participating rather than passively observing. As we consider the price paid for yesterday and the uncertainty of tomorrow, let us commit to making each day count. Not in the pursuit of perfection, but in the authentic expression of our true selves, crafting a life filled with intention, meaning, and engagement. Yesterday is a ledger where we tally the cost of our choices and actions. Each decision, each moment, carries a price—a subtraction from the finite currency of our days. As we awaken to another dawn, we might ponder: What price did I pay for yesterday? This question beckons us to reflect not only on what we've lost but on what we've gained, and how we choose to use the time that remains. How many days do I have left? This is an unanswerable query that haunts every one of us. The uncertainty of our lifespan can be a source of anxiety or a catalyst for purpose. It underscores the scarcity of our most precious resource: time. Each day slips through our fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass that cannot be turned again. Am I using these days for my best, or am I just using them as if I had an endless supply? Living as though our days are limitless is a common trap. It leads to procrastination, to putting off life changes, and to the comfort of complacency. But recognizing our time as limited can motivate us to live more fully, to prioritize what truly matters, and to discard the trivial and the tedious. Are my daily activities reflecting my deepest values and aspirations? Am I contributing to the world, building relationships, and growing as a person? What is my purpose? This profound question drives at the core of our existence. Finding one’s purpose is not about discovering some grand destiny, but about carving out meaningful pursuit’s day by day. Purpose gives direction and infuses our actions with significance. It transforms mere existence into vibrant living. Am I really living, or am I just existing? To live is to engage actively with life, to savor experiences, to learn and love, to hurt and heal. Existence, in contrast, is passive—a state of survival, devoid of passion or engagement. The difference lies in our choices and our mindset. Reflecting on these questions isn't just philosophical—it's practical. It compels us to make conscious decisions, to prioritize, and to act with intention. Let us then choose to pay the price of a day well-lived, embracing our limited days with the zeal of those who know their true value. How about you? What price did you pay for yesterday? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your time and thanks for you feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Too often, when talking to someone, I hold back details about my experiences, which is crucial for them to truly understand and connect with me during our interaction. If I don’t verbally express my thoughts, feelings, or reactions, they may be overlooked or misinterpreted, leading to confusion or misunderstandings in the conversation. Sometimes, I find it easy to withhold information. When I think, “I shouldn’t say this because it might create more problems,” that’s my cue to speak up. I depend on fully understanding the other person during a conversation, and if I’m only privy to part of their thoughts or experiences, it limits me. Poor communication is a significant issue I observe today. Despite having a rich language, it must convey information effectively enough to ensure deep understanding and connection. In communication, non-verbal cues often bridge the gap left by words unspoken. A pause, averted eyes, or a shift in tone can suggest more than what is explicitly stated. Such cues might lead others to assume feelings of disappointment, disapproval, or dissent, even if none was intended. Consequently, the recipient may react based on these assumptions, sparking conflicts that stem from misunderstandings. Silence can be ambiguous, and its interpretation varies widely among different personalities and situations. While it may sometimes be prudent to withhold information due to specific circumstances, holding back can be detrimental in communications where connection is essential. The saying, “It’s not what I say, it’s what I don’t say that causes problems,” is a powerful reminder of the importance of complete and transparent communication. By being aware of the implications of my silence and striving for clarity in my interactions, I can significantly reduce misunderstandings and enhance my personal and professional relationships. The challenge is in choosing the right words and ensuring that my silence doesn’t speak louder than my words. How about you? Are you withholding significant information rather than risking disclosure? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to share, like and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I was talking to a friend the other day, and it seemed the only words they had to say about themselves were stupid, worthless, loser, ugly, and too many more self-beat-up kinds of words. Wow! I can remember the times in my life when I felt similar. Interestingly, these words can still bubble to the surface at times. Self-beat-up can be a mood-changer for me. I love it when life is full of wins. I don’t exhibit bad self-conversation when times are good. If life takes a swing to the negative, then look out. Too often, I feel I let someone down, made a mistake, or failed somehow. This is when I wrap myself in the negative word blanket. Old habits are hard to break, but If I hold on to negative self-talk, I will remain negative, drastically affecting my mood. Hearing negative things as children or being put down or bullied creates the seedbed that spawns these negative comments. Having negativity etched in my mind can be challenging to process healthily. Returning to that old familiar behavior during stress or duress is too easy. Self-criticism chips away at my self-esteem and confidence. It can lead to heightened levels of anxiety and stress as I constantly worry about my perceived shortcomings and failures. Continually telling myself I am not good enough or will fail can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Engaging in positive self-talk and acknowledging my strengths and accomplishments can boost self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-compassion and understanding can help reduce stress and anxiety by fostering a more balanced and realistic perspective. It can help regulate my emotions more effectively, allowing me to manage stress, anger, and other challenging emotions healthily and constructively. Healthy self-conversation involves kindness, compassion, respect, and cultivating a mindset of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Acknowledging mistakes as opportunities for growth and remembering that we are all works in progress is a great way to overcome self-beat-up. How about you? Are you saying kind or harsh things about yourself? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate your perspectives. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever noticed the vibrational frequencies or vibes you or others emit? This is a form of communication, where our positive or negative energy frequencies communicate emotions and states of being to others, without words. Have you noticed you can sense someone’s feelings based on the frequency with which they operate? This is not usually conscious but a hidden form of communication. All of us have an energy field. When I walk into a meeting, a family gathering, or my home, I bring and experience an aura around me. Instead of acting on the vibes I desire to experience, I can easily adapt to the vibes I walk into. Good vibes create an environment of joy, peace, relaxation, comfort, and connection. These vibes are easy to meld into. It is the kind of experience where smiles and laughter exist. I call this attractive and desirable. It is a place to look forward to joining, a warm ray of sunshine on a cold, cloudy day where my spirits are lifted regardless of my vibes. Negative vibes evoke discomfort, uneasiness, fear, disconnection, and unhappiness. They produce an aura that is unpleasant, unattractive, and uninviting. They emit tense, gloomy vibes that cause one to want to avoid the experience. Then there are the neutral vibes I experience during peaceful routines or matter-of-fact situations. This is the get-down-to-business aura that neither thwarts nor uplifts my spirits yet can produce calmness and productivity. It is emotionally mature to recognize my vibes and the vibes I enter into. If I can realize my vibes and know which of the categories mentioned above I am operating from, I am equipped to be in charge of myself. Being in charge allows me to survey the vibes I encounter in various settings. I choose to bring good vibes to the party. If I am not in a place to do that, I should announce it and maintain an attractive self. How about you? Do you recognize your vibes and read the vibes of others correctly? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever told a story or something important, and someone blurts out an interruption before you can finish? Interruptions usually appear without thought and create blurts that are frustrating to the one who is speaking yet are such blind spots to one interrupting. One of the most common struggles in relationships is communication. Our language is sophisticated, and most of us are educated culturally and academically. Yet, committing social language errors without recognizing them is so easy. [Blind Spot] These communication errors are more likely to be recognized if they are pointed out immediately. One of the most important things I talk about is safe listening. One of the first questions I ask in safe listening is, “Do you interrupt?” This question usually comes with a yes, while some may admit a little, others will vehemently disagree. Pointing out errors I make in most situations creates a need for me to rationalize, minimize, or justify when just agreement would serve me better. I need to accept this feedback opportunity. When I interrupt, I tell the other, “Just be quiet. What you have to say is just not that important, and besides, you are wasting my time.” It could also be saying, “You are not important.” Either statement is caustic or erodes any opportunity to connect. Interruptions are not necessarily done with malice, yet being right, arrogant, or frustrated comes across loud and clear and creates unhealthy conversations. Sometimes, I ask, “Do you have any idea what they were going to tell you?” If answered correctly, they will say no, yet occasionally, I hear, “I know exactly what they were going to say.” Pointing out an interruption is necessary to teach others how to treat me with dignity and respect. Allowing interruptions is admitting it is okay and enabling them to reoccur. Interruptions can disrupt the natural flow of conversation, cause feelings of disrespect or unimportance, and reflect power imbalances. How about you? Do you interrupt, or do you allow interruptions? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please share, like and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Blame can be a significant blind spot. Rather than accept guilt, I shift the blame or responsibility to another. However, the truth generally surfaces, and the blamer is exposed. When we were young kids, I remember the shame I felt when I was exposed, trying to blame things on my brother Gary. I know I got by with it too many times. How embarrassing to admit this. It is one thing to blame as children because our emotional maturity has not yet developed, but when I blame as an adult, it is a very different story. Blaming, is a defense mechanism that shifts the responsibility for my discomfort, failures, or negative feelings onto others. It shields me from facing my own part in a situation, hindering personal growth. I miss the opportunity to develop self-awareness, a critical component of emotional maturity, by focusing on external sources for my problems. This evasion not only stalls personal development but erodes the quality of interpersonal relationships. Blame is counterproductive to change, because it locks individuals and relationships into an equilibrium where growth is stifled by the refusal to acknowledge personal responsibility. Change requires a recognition of my contributions to the present state, both personally and within relationships. Only through this recognition can effective strategies for improvement be devised and implemented. Blame affects how others perceive me. Habitual blaming is a turn-off to others because it signals an inability to take responsibility. Blame erodes personal, professional, and social relationships which thrive on trust and respect. Blame hinders personal growth, impedes positive change, and damages relationships. Choosing not to blame takes courage and self-reflection, which leads to greater emotional maturity, healthier relationships, and more authentic engagement with the world. Looking back at my use of blame, I feel embarrassed, yet I could not change what I didn't know I didn’t know. [Blind Spot] How about you? Do you watch for your use of blame? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your kind words and please like, share, and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

How can I enjoy what I want if I can’t enjoy what I have? Now, this is a sobering question. Can I ever be satisfied or content? My world is rich with opportunity. I am not a refugee fleeing from war; my country is not under physical attack. I don’t suffer from hunger or physical afflictions. (Well, if you don’t count getting much older.) Yet how can I enjoy what I want if I cannot be satisfied with what I have? I need to appreciate what I have more. It’s not everything I want but what I have is pretty darn comfortable. I should look around me to see all the things that give me small joys: the soft fur of my dog, a kind word from a friend, my eyesight, and hearing. I need to look for the beauty in the here and now. I find it easy to overlook the things that excited me long ago. What a privilege it is to be able to drive, yet do I let myself be enamored by it? Probably not. Do I take for granted the taste and pleasure of a hot or cool drink in the moment? What would it be like if the nuisance of my Corgi’s barking was silenced by her not being here? Ouch! What if I could only have what I have now? How can I live in the present and find joy? Please don’t get me wrong; I love to look to the future with hopes and dreams. I want life to get better and continue to create great things for myself and others. How do I let go of what I don’t have and truly enjoy what I do have? My life is a delicate dance between desire and satisfaction. I can reach for the stars while appreciating the ground beneath my feet. Satisfaction isn’t always about grand achievements; it’s often found in small, everyday moments. How about you? Is there a balance between what you have and what you desire? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often assisted my dad in whatever he was doing. I loved my dad and loved being around him. Don't get me wrong; he could sometimes be as tough as nails. I recall laughter as a boy as a release of stress and tension. I was a pretty anxious young boy. I was perceptive and could read situations easily. I knew when to engage or escape, depending on the circumstances around me. I recall a time when we were moving to Lake Nasworthy. The house was incomplete, and Dad was a handyman. He decided to place the sheetrock, and I was his helper. The walls were easy. When we did the ceilings, it was very different. Dad had built a scaffold that was just tall enough for me to stand on my tip toes and get my end of the sheetrock high enough to nail it in. When I would get tired, I would begin to laugh, which caused Dad to laugh. We dropped several sheets of sheetrock that day. This was not a laughing matter, but working with him was so much fun. If he were here today, we could talk and laugh about that time many years later. This is a great memory. I recall he or I would accidentally bang our finger or hand with the hammer, and it would cause us to laugh. Sound crazy? Perhaps it was, but it was better than crying and just as relieving. Dad and I had many wonderful experiences. I love to laugh, especially with friends and family. I rarely get off the phone with my two sisters or a great friend that we haven't talked about old times with a crazy amount of laughter. I have so many funny memories. Laughter is often considered good for the soul due to its psychological, physical, and social benefits. Its ability to reduce stress, connect people, and create a positive outlook on life makes it a powerful mechanism for improving overall quality of life and enhancing one's sense of soulful well-being. How about you? Are you laughing enough? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Often, it is easy to say, "I'm not going to say anything because that would just cause more problems." The problem with withholding conversation is that it is easy to assume what the other is experiencing or thinking, and we are poor mind readers at best. The unspoken words often carry more weight than the spoken words. This truth underscores a paradox: While communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, withholding information, not what we express, sows the seeds of misunderstanding, resentment, and conflict. Silence, or the act of withholding communication, can manifest in numerous ways: the unresolved argument that lingers in the air like a heavy fog, the unexpressed affection that withers in the heart, or the unshared pain that deepens the solitary burden. Each of these silences is a barrier to intimacy, creating a buffer zone where misunderstanding flourishes and connection fades. The irony lies in our belief that silence can sometimes protect us or our relationships from harm. In reality, it often does the opposite. Non-verbal cues, too, speak volumes. The sighs, the turning away, the slight tension that lingers in the air— these signals often carry a subtext that is missed or misinterpreted. The danger is that, over time, these unaddressed feelings and needs accumulate, building an invisible wall that can eventually seem insurmountable. Sometimes, the fear of vulnerability is a significant factor driving us to silence. Sharing our deepest fears, desires, and insecurities exposes us to potential hurt and rejection. However, it is precisely through this sharing that relationships deepen and grow. Vulnerability fosters empathy, connection, and understanding, serving as the antidote to the poison of silence. "The story I am telling myself is..." Brene Brown uses this opener to break the ice of silence. Telling the story of what I am thinking or feeling is a beautiful way to engage in a non-threatening manner. When I talk about myself, there is very little room to argue. How about you? What are your unspoken words? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. Please like, share or comment, I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

It is very evident to me how easily I become defensive when I am told something negative about myself. I spent many of my earlier years denying or refuting words that I felt might cause me to look bad. I wanted to rationalize, minimize, or justify pejorative words, especially from anyone important in my life. I see this playing out in my office on a daily basis. One person makes a negative comment and the other rushes to defend or attack. This is a major blind spot that permeates relationships causing destruction and separateness. It is cultural to defend negative comments making it even more of a blind spot. If someone perceives me as offensive in any manner and I don’t attempt to rectify it, I will continue to push them away. Pointing out negative things in each other can be complementary. Yes, you read that correctly. To identify negative actions or behaviors of others can cause change that allows closeness rather than distance. This calls for planning and consideration. If one person can bring attention to another's offensive behavior, it can benefit both parties. It is common for many people to respond negatively or with opposition to remarks made in an offensive or defensive manner. Defensiveness or attack causes emotional reactions that leave little room for a strategic rebuttal. If I am operating out of my emotions, my intellect is poorly employed. If there is a fear of losing a relationship, defensiveness may be a natural reaction to avoid conflict and show the other they are incorrect and therefore remain in their good graces. Today I see no reason to be defensive when negative comments are thrown my way. It is not easy to allow them to go past me into thin air, yet it does me little good to attempt to convince someone they are wrong. When I don’t defend my position, the conversation doesn’t last.  I chose to be clear, consistent, and not convincing. How about you? Is defensiveness in your arsenal? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Tim Sanders's book, The Likeability Factor, is simple yet complex. The summary is that likable people succeed. This sounds like a simple principle, yet when I look at myself, I see all the good things I can find. Therefore, I must be likable. [Blind Spot] Sure, I am good at some things that cause me to be likable, but what am I doing that causes me to be unlikable? I play many roles in life. I am good in some of these roles but not in others. It is the 'others' that I need to become aware of because there are blind spots that I can't see or choose not to see. How many times have I heard words that would lead me to become more likable, but because they were non-complementary, I discounted them? Words like angry, loud, know-it-all, Mr. Right and many more. You know, the ones we disregard because they are not complementary. These are the words people who love and care about us tell us. They say it not to complain but to make us better people, and easier to be around. Wow, that is so hard to hear. Yet, being able to listen effectively can make us more likable. Here are several key qualities and behaviors that tend to make a person likable in any setting: Empathy and Understanding Reliability and Competence Positive Attitude Good Communication Skills Respectfulness Collaborative Spirit Humor and Light-heartedness Adaptability And Integrity Humility Friendliness and Approachability Resolving Conflicts Amicably I want to nurture a space where everyone feels valued, supported, and connected, making my home, work, and neighborhood a true sanctuary for all. To be likable, I don't have to give up my beliefs or be too agreeable; it just means having good, respectful, and meaningful interactions with people. How about you? Where are you on the likeability scale in the many roles you play? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp