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  • 22

    What a wonderful nation we get to live in. Sure, there are many grievances and issues that cause us separation. However, we are linked together by a tapestry of history that is woven together by our veterans who have proudly worn the uniform of this powerful country. Our church has a veteran’s ministry, and we meet to talk about the difficulties that face too many of the proud men and women who have served. This group of veterans comes together weekly to talk about their difficulties fitting in after serving in many different theaters. This is the safest group I have ever participated in. It is difficult to imagine veterans of Korea and Vietnam still suffering after 50-plus years of coming home. Veterans of Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, and so many other conflicts that our military have proudly served are the newest casualties of veterans attempting to come home. Don’t get me wrong, many veterans who have suffered military and war casualties have reentered civilian life with little or no repercussions and have successfully joined civilian life. Others continue to suffer from personal wars of PTSD, depression, anxiety, military sexual abuse, divorce, drugs, alcohol, jobs, getting VA benefits, and so many other issues. None of these are to be compared or judged. Each veteran has had their own experience of military and war. Our veteran's group was formed to have a place to vent and get the support they need and so deserve. It serves as a place to reflect while also feeling valued and understood. It is impossible to genuinely understand someone else's suffering until you have walked in their boots and gone through their experiences. The inability of not being able to tell their story keeps too many things bottled up and sometimes veterans believe that suicide is the only answer. Say what you will about suicide, but when you see the strongest and toughest who have suffered for years, take their lives, I request that they not be judged. I have the utmost respect for all veterans and will proudly defend them. Some go wayward and get into trouble, and I say perhaps we have not done enough to protect them from what they were taught and experienced. They have been trained for months and years and when they are released, there is not enough done to recondition them back to the civilian world. A few months ago, I lost one of my dearest friends to suicide. I loved him so dearly and watched him battle his demons for years and they finally wore him down. And just this week our neighbor, Sara Fontana, lost her nephew, Sean Leahy, to suicide. It has truly saddened me to feel another loss. Sara wrote a poem about Sean and has given me permission to share it with you. It is a powerful message to us all. SUICIDE OF A VETERAN Dedicated to Sean Leahy, my nephew A Veteran Strong, outer presence Crumbling inside Insights within Moments of clarity Authenticity with self and others Is interior strength possible? Constant, relentless Visions, thoughts Tearing at the insight Breaking down strength within Crumbling inside seeps outward The strong outer presence begins to crumble “You would be better off without me…” Offering the ultimate sacrifice, The battle ends with gunfire. Sara Fontana December 3, 2022 Oh, did you wonder about the title of this blog? Well, this is the number reported by the Veterans Administration who take their lives EVERY DAY. YES, 22, EACH AND EVERY DAY. I stand tall and desire to make these folks feel appreciated even though they might not be understood. I encourage you to do the same. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #veteransupport #veteransuicide #veteranshelpingveterans #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull

  • I promote what I permit.

    In my parenting mode, I have said, “I have told you ten times to stop that or to get this done.” Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have said the same thing. It is customary for me to use this kind of declaration when I feel that my request has been ignored. Subsequently, I follow up with, “why don’t you do what I asked?” It becomes easy to doubt my own credibility in this situation. I question whether my first nine requests come off as mere suggestions. When I am allowing this to occur, I am promoting poor behavior. It is easy to get upset with them, rather than look at my responsibility in this matter. I need to consider my request and figure out how I fit into this conversation because, wow, assigning blame in this situation is such a blind spot. I should have made sure my request was answered the first time. If I have asked something nine times, I will be mad the tenth time. I have found that gently curious questions can prevent this from happening. “It’s bedtime, what do you know I need you to do?” Follow this up with, “What do you think will happen if you don’t get it completed on time?” I might get various answers, but I will praise them if it is done well, and I will discipline them if it is not. I like to use discipline here not punish. Discipline to me means to teach and mold. Punish indicates inflicting harm or retribution. I choose to teach and mold. Sometimes I use delayed discipline which can be more effective than immediate discipline. At times, I ask for something to get done and my request didn’t get the proper response. Now if I am asked for a favor later (“Can I stay late at Susie’s party?” etc.) I teach and mold with this, “If you had done what I requested last night, do you think I would allow this?” If shoes or a bag are left somewhere they shouldn't be and I ask what they should do with them, and they don't respond, I can take custody of the items, and put them somewhere. When they come looking for them, I will then ask what I requested them to do with them the previous evening. Then I will tell them I took possession of them and put them in one of several places, so they can now go look for them. Again, this is not intended to be punitive; rather, it is intended to cause them to feel the heat and frustration and not me. They now get to look for what they should have taken care of previously. I can use fun, humor, and siding with them during this process. I can even help them look. This doesn't have to be harsh. Do I permit the nine times and let it be okay or do I present my request in a firm believable manner so that I don’t promote sloppy behavior that doesn’t work for anyone? I get to be in control of my disposition when I am strategic and intentional about conveying my needs to others. I choose to be in the teaching, molding method. What about you? Do you promote what you permit? Does this strike a chord? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration

  • The Box

    I recently heard a story of the man who approached the pearly gates and met St. Peter. Peter was so happy to see him and welcomed him in. As the man was looking at the amazing wonders of heaven, he noticed in the distance a massive warehouse. It looked somewhat out of place. He asked Peter what it was for, and Peter ignored his question. They continued to talk, and the man was full of questions that Peter answered freely. Every time the man asked about the massive storage building, Peter ignored his question, then he finally relented. As they walked toward the massive structure, Peter told him that everyone who came into heaven had the same question and was usually very disappointed at the answer. Even with this information, the man’s curiosity would not subside. As they got closer to the building, the man was even more in awe of its size. Peter told him that each person who entered heaven had a box in the building with their name on it. He said if he truly wanted to know the purpose of the storage building, he would have to find his box. When they entered, the man noticed endless rows of shelves packed with boxes of all shapes and sizes. They were arranged in alphabetical order and Peter told him to find his box. When the man found his box, it was neatly sealed with a ribbon around it, he was confused when he opened his package and discovered that it was packed full of smaller boxes. Peter began to explain that this box held all the gifts this man had been given by God that he did not use—the books he didn't write, the jobs he didn't apply for because he thought he wasn’t good enough, the business he didn't start because he didn’t think he had what it took, the apologies he never made, the kindness he held too tightly, the numerous times he turned his back when he could have reached out, the love he still had to give but was afraid to be disappointed, the knowledge he didn't share when opportunities arose, the smiles not returned or given, the joy and laughter he suppressed because of the stress and anxiety of life, the ideas he didn’t turn into realities, and the knowledge and solutions he didn't share with others. Ouch! What a story. It challenges me to look for the gifts I possess that I have not given. The dreams I have just passed off as something I could have never accomplished. The times I turned from the challenge that could have made a tremendous difference for myself and others. This story reminds me that I get to look for the gifts I still must give. I pray I have an empty box when I get there I want to “Live Full, and Die Empty” —Les Brown How about you? Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts

  • What is the Product of the Product?

    I want a nice job, house, car, family, friends, vacation, boat, etc. All of these are wonderful. Who doesn’t want these things? It is easy to look to the future with these desires. However, it is more difficult than it looks. Situations and others get in the way. If only life would allow me to do it my way and cooperate, I could have all these amazing things. I could wake up every morning with a smile and no emotional, physical, or financial pain. I could face the day with comfort, peace, and joy, or is this thinking just a myth? That’s an interesting thought and perhaps I have my ‘wants’ confused. Maybe, comfort, peace, and joy are the product of the product I seek. Do I need to be chasing the material things in life or am I seeking to fill some internal deficits? Are there holes in my life that I mistakenly think ‘things’ will satisfy? I feel blessed to live in such an amazing nation full of riches, but do I live by the need to have more, or do I live by the need to be more? I wonder whether looking at others as having more would fill some of the voids in my life that I believe need to be filled by "stuff." There is nothing wrong with wanting the creature comforts that we all desire. I just wonder if it will be enough or if it makes me want more. I choose to look for the product of the product. I want peace, comfort, and joy. In the big playbook, Paul was able to find joy in prison. This always puzzled me until now. I see that there are many ‘prisons’ in life, but when I choose to seek the product of the product, I find I am content just as Paul said, “in whatever circumstance, wherever I am or whatever I have.” When we seek the product of the product we produce peace, comfort, and joy within our own lives, our circle of influence, and as far around the world as it can reach. I am amazed at people, even children with illnesses, that can show joy amid struggles. I love stories of being surprised at the generosity of people especially those who have less. I love givers and I am surrounded by so many. I am astounded and extremely blessed to live such a full life. I have been blessed by so many people I have met along the way. Right now, in my life, I make the decision to seek out “things” like appreciating, being thankful, noticing other people doing things well, having a positive effect, and challenging others to be their best. As I do this, I discover the result of the product I am seeking. What is the product of the product you are seeking? Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

  • If I could do it again...

    There are times I go out of control to gain control; this is when I am not being spiritual or intellectual at all. Many times, over the years, I have said and done things that produce harm to others. At that moment, I feel perfectly justified because they are not doing what I want, when I want it, as quickly as I want. In general, when I blow up and then cool down, I feel better, but those who have been the target of my bitter diatribe are reeling, not feeling good about themselves or me. I have transferred my pain to the other. Ouch! This can happen so quickly and unknowingly and when I pass the point of no return; it is almost impossible to get out of the tirade. Today I work hard to keep my emotions at the forefront of my mind. It is very important I remain emotionally mature and able to assess my own mood and act accordingly. If I am feeling fine, I go about life in my usual manner. If I am anxious or emotional, I need to cautiously approach others or events, and assessing accurately can sometimes be the problem. I love the question, If I could go back and repeat this same situation, how would I do it differently? Things Like: What has me in this anxious place? Let me sit down before I speak. How can I enroll others and not demand? What do I really want? What do I want others and myself to say about me when this is over? What do I need to say about myself? Asking these questions equips me to become intentional and strategic about events like this in the future. Situations repeat, and when I know how I want to approach it next time, I am equipped. There is no guarantee that you will employ my new strategy in every situation. It takes practice. Learning from my mistakes and seeing what I can do keep me from going out of control to gain control. I want to always be in search of building a bitter me. Did I say bitter? No, I choose better, not bitter. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #friday #fridaymotivation #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #jimrohn #josephcampbell #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity

  • Thankful

    Several years ago, we were invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. During the meal, the host ask us to talk about what we were thankful for. It was a great experience to declare our thankfulness and listen to others. I understand this is customary in many families. We live in a world of negativity and sometimes don’t recognize it. One of the best lessons I learned, was when I was picking up my friend from dialysis. I sat in the waiting room and listened to dialysis patients talk about the things they once did but now can’t. Things like: Get the trash cans out and back from the street. Empty the dishwasher. Get the vacuum out. I was reminded that I have two good hands and feet and although I didn’t like to do any of these “simple” chores, I was equipped and needed to rethink how I approached them. I am still thankful that I am equipped and have the health and well-being to “get to” do chores rather than “have to.” This Thanksgiving, I will celebrate with the veterans of Transitions Plus. This is a group that has been meeting at our church every Thursday evening for the last ten years. As I learned from my neighbor, I will be asking them, “What are you thankful for?” and looking forward to hearing what they say because I know who they are and where they have been. Even though it has been over 50 years since some of them returned, some continue to suffer and are alone. Some can see that they “get to” while others are not there yet. I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and challenge you to look for greatness in yourself and others. So many may not have a joyous celebration to look forward to, let's lift them up in prayer. I choose to be thankful and hope you will be too. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #thankful #thankfulgratefulblessed #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts

  • Practice what I preach.

    Some time back, I was going to work. My route included a five-point intersection with a gas station sitting on one corner. I traveled this route for many years. As I made my turn and was about to pass the gas station, this old man (get this, me calling someone an old man) was exiting. Obviously, he was just pulling out without regard to my right of way and proximity. He had his blinker on and without stopping, proceeded into my lane. I thought he saw me after all he was entering into my lane of traffic. I had to hit the brakes hard to keep from hitting him and my anxiety hit the roof. He just pulled out in front of me with no regard for the damage that could have occurred and amazingly, just strolled on down the street as if he had not just threatened to bang up my truck and test my nerves. This caused my anxiety to go up even more and my intellect, well it went out the window. Dang, sometimes it is difficult to practice what I preach. I was incensed. How could he not have seen me? We were just a few feet apart. I followed him for a few seconds wanting to use sign language and my horn to help teach him how to drive. As I passed him, underneath this old cowboy hat, I saw a jolly old man trying to get somewhere just as I was. I suddenly began to laugh out loud. What occurred to me was how many times I had done the same thing as he had, and someone had given me the grace to go down the road without making a scene. Bless you, if that has been you. During the rest of my short journey to the office, I began to think—we are all attempting to get somewhere. Today I use that same attitude. Perhaps the other person is in more of a hurry, or they have had a terrible morning or day and are potentially suffering from a bad experience or bad news. I have decided that from now on I will give the benefit of doubt to the other driver and see what I can do to get to my destination as safely as possible and assist others along the way. Man, it has made my journeys much more pleasant. Yielding where I can and not thinking that just because I have the right of way, I need to insure I take advantage of it. Being right is not always being graceful or peaceful. I last saw the jolly old man in my mirror, jutting down the street, his blinker still flashing. (LOL) I wonder—have I ever done that? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

  • Verbal Kill Shots

    What a wonderful time of the year. The holidays are coming and tis’ the season to be jolly. Thanksgiving celebration is upcoming then followed quickly by Christmas. This is the time for getting together, sharing, building new memories, and celebrating the old. Time is quickly passing and it's important that we be thankful every day for who we are and how we've gotten here. As we gather joyously, laughing, and reconnecting during the season, there will be occasions when what I call "the verbal kill shot" is fired. Someone will say something out of the blue or perhaps a new dig, jab, or diss that might bring you to your knees. It’s a terrible way to wreck a wonderful season, yet they just keep coming year after year. Personally, I think the best way to handle these unfortunate kill shots is to step aside and let those words go past us and not even respond. It’s not easy to walk away or unhear the shot but it’s the higher way. Verbal kill shots are spoken to intentionally hurt, jab and sting, and though we cannot control what others might say or do we can control ourselves. The better we feel inside about who we are and how we show up, the easier it is to not let a shot from the outside cause us any emotional disruption. The key here is to consistently build ourselves. We become better every day; better today than we were yesterday, better tomorrow than we were today. We know who we are, and what we stand for, and do not need to convince another soul that we're good people. When we truly feel good about whom God has made us to be and what He wants us to do, verbal kill shots completely miss their target and fall at your feet. Alice said to her husband, “I dread going to Thanksgiving because “you know who” will be there. They are so very disruptive and say mean hurtful things to all of us.” “I know,” he says, “and it's been that way for years. Isn't it strange how one person can make us fear something that we should be celebrating and looking forward to?” His expression changed and he stated, “Let's change that this year, supporting each other and everyone who feels the same way. This way we bring peace, laughter, hope, and joy to the conversations regardless of “you know who’s” kill shots. Let's not allow ourselves to be derailed.” Alice said with excitement, “It's a deal, I can't wait to see everyone.” What do I want to say about myself when the holidays are over? What do I want others to say about me? Others will always talk about their experience with me, so I must remember I write that script. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #bettereveryday #blindspots #tistheseason #tistheseasontobejolly #wordshurt #wordsmatter

  • Entertain or Equip

    I was talking to a gentleman whose son, Al, lives in his father's house alone. He lives about 15 miles away and comes over two times a week to buy groceries, clean, and cook for Al. Al did not finish high school, and at the age of 23, is legally allowed to drive but has chosen not to get a license. His only social connection is entertaining himself by playing video games with friends online and on social media. “I just don’t have time to do any chores like cleaning, trash, washing clothes, or taking care of the yard,” Al says. “Dad takes care of those things when he comes over.” “It’s good,” the dad says, “Al being alone doesn’t bother anyone, especially when he cusses, rants, and rages, and thank goodness, he doesn’t have a drug or alcohol problem.” The dad continues, “I have painted myself into a corner. If I kick Al out of the house, he will surely fail. If I let him stay as he is, he will be safe and entertained but what kind of future is that for him?” Our access to computers and the internet is amazing and the world is at our fingertips. At no other time in history have we had such abilities to equip ourselves to learn, grow intellectually and prepare our lives for future success, and yet there are times it seems we would just rather be entertained. Computers could be utilized more frequently to strengthen, expand, and prepare our minds to be more productive today than they were yesterday and more tomorrow than they are today. Utilizing them for empowering, accrediting, and investing our time and talents to secure our lives is the key to our future. The world needs people who are expanding their minds and talents. The gaming entertainment world is looking to use our time and talents to entertain us and make themselves wealthy by keeping us distracted. The purpose of this conversation is not to judge or condemn but to compare and contrast how each of us utilizes the internet—to rethink if you will whether we are amusing or empowering ourselves. Opportunities exist for all of us. There is nothing wrong with entertainment. The problems come when we try to live in them. I am not sure how Al will face the next years of his life, but I am afraid he will be unequipped to become independent and socially skilled. It is our choice to be captured by gaming companies and entertained or to equip ourselves and use the internet with a greater measure of wisdom. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #wednesday #wednesdaywisdom #wednesdaymotivation

  • Adjust your mirror.

    I was reminded of a mother who complained of her son’s behavior, “I don’t know why little Horace is so violent—I’ve smacked him for it a thousand times.” We have a lot of blind spots that come from our childhood. After all, that’s where we learned about life from our family and we hang out in what is familiar. Feelings of being ashamed, less than, or unimportant, are all derived from our formative years, and we carry those things into our adulthood. We then protect them without realizing what we are doing. We often become combative when confronted, making it hard to hear when someone calls to our attention their negative experience unrecognized by us. If replicating the old into the new becomes our only approach to solving problems, it becomes a terrible weakness, no matter how we try to play it as a strength. Trying to live life without solid positive feedback, intensifies life’s rough-and-tumble lessons. An emotional blind spot is like that. You cannot see what is there unless you move to a new position or do something differently. Adjust your mirror, if you will. Adjusting to the truth, as others present it to you, without judgment or spin will cause change. It’s hard to see yourself clearly while continuing to operate without integrity or in opposition to recommendations presented to you. My flexibility and growth are maintained by moving forward and learning to challenge my limitations while leveraging my strengths. This prevents me from breaking. This has everything to do with emotional maturity and knowing what is going on within me and acting accordingly. Keep looking for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

  • Try or Train?

    I often hear statements that have to do with trying to accomplish something—trying to find a new job, trying to lose weight, or trying to be a better friend. For some reason, whenever I hear the word "try," I immediately think of "an attempt," "to make an effort," and "search.” All of these may result in positive outcomes but are more hopeful and less intentional than truly making a difference. I have “tried” many things in my life. In some, I succeeded and in others, I did not. I like to look at the idea of accomplishing things through “training” as opposed to “trying.” Training offers small, committed accomplishments along the way that leads to an end product. It consists of written short-term routine items that contribute to my success when attained. This gives me an opportunity to celebrate these small successes and motivates to me to keep moving forward. If the small routine items are not accomplished, it gives the opportunity for course correction. This is not the time for self-condemnation, but rather a chance for reassessment. I think it was Yoda who said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Training is a commitment that releases the power to give something our all — not just give it a try. I find that committing to doing small routine things over time creates large improvements. Being able to identify small accomplishments and then monitor them daily, weekly, and monthly ensures change. When my accomplishments are written down and clearly marked, I am more mindful and committed to recording my success rather than drifting and not paying attention until the deadline or aim is missed. Do I try to run a marathon or train to run a marathon? Do I try to get another job or train to get another job? Do I try to lose weight or train to lose weight? Many years ago, I ran the Dallas White Rock marathon. It was a great success because of the routines I established. I still have the records of my training and I contribute the success of that race to being intentional and strategic about how I was going to run the 26-mile race in less than four hours. I set the number of miles per week and the pace I needed to run. Even though it was many years ago, it is still a great example for me. Today I use a method described in my book, “The Weekly Display,” which allows me to identify several goals and design tasks that need to be accomplished each day of the week in order to meet these goals. I assess the results each week to see if I am doing well or need to adjust the course. Small steps repeated over time will create new habits. As new habits are created, these steps can be dropped, and new goals and steps can be established. What about you? Are you trying or training for success in your health, wealth, and self? Look for the blind spots! Yo! You can download the "Weekly Display" now. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #mindsetmatters #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #training #trainingmotivation #trainhard

  • Collateral Damage

    I talk about blind spots in relationships because I feel so many relationships can be salvaged. It is so easy to look at the other person and see their mistakes but is very difficult to truly own our culpability. Have you ever thought of the price we pay for relationships that don't work or work minimally? With broken family relationships, when parents divorce, the collateral damage ripples throughout the family and friends. One of the things that I see that is most disturbing is the children’s worries and fears. A few of the things I hear are, “Where will we live; will there be enough money; I don't want to be without the other parent; this is very embarrassing; why don't you guys try to work this out?” Many tears are shed that are obvious and seen by many others yet so many tears are shed alone. Some talk about the divorce as if it is their fault. I hear stories like: “If I hadn't caused trouble, if I would have kept my room clean, if I would have made my grades, maybe they wouldn't be getting a divorce.” Oh, what a tragedy. Extended family members who love both parties feel split loyalties. Their pain is not as great but is certainly not easy to ignore. Then there are the friends who enjoyed the company of both, the visits, the travel, the laughter, and the meals that will no longer be shared. The holidays and other celebrations can be split which causes a loss of family connection and difficulty for family members, especially the children, to find their new place in the new relationships. Now looking at the financial side of a broken relationship, the attorneys will get their fair share. Separating finances is generally a very difficult situation for both parties. Fear and greed can overcome the logic of the law and what is best for the children. Establishing new budgets, and new ways of spending, at least early on, is difficult. Not having the same available resources can be difficult, awkward, and unsettling. Ill feelings usually go hand in hand with the division of financial property. This keeps the door open for more arguments. Custody battles can last until the children are adults. Not taking the children’s points of view and not considering the children's needs can cause them collateral damage for days or years on end. Leaving the adult children, the responsibility for caring for the other parent during illness or difficulties in old age is also overlooked. Something that is not considered is what I call “emotional divorce.” That can be more difficult than a legal divorce. The “emotional divorce” continues if the couple blames and complains causing suffering that doesn’t end and it is important to not allow the ex’s emotions to steer your life. Being able to disengage quickly is the key. Emotional maturation is essential here. It is being able to recognize and manage your own emotions and recognize the emotional state of the other then acting in a way that calms not escalates the situation. These are only a few of the difficulties with “emotional divorce.” And there are so many hidden issues that spring up along the way that perhaps you can see my logic in working on keeping the relationships together. I don’t get a vote on whether relationships dissolve or remain together. Neither do I know if some couples should stay attached. I certainly have seen relationships that are not good for either party or for the children. I've witnessed numerous relationships that sought assistance for issues that seemed irreconcilable, resolve their differences, and find harmony. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #marriageandfamilytherapy #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #marriagecounseling #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration #mindsetmatters #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots