Blind Spot: HUSH...Long Enough to Hear
I’ve spent a lot of years working with people, and I’ve learned that three simple words can change the direction of a conversation:
“Help me understand.”
Imagine I’m talking with someone I care about, and they say something that hits me the wrong way. Immediately, I feel that little surge inside. I want to explain myself. Correct them. Maybe even tell them why they’re wrong.
I’ve been down that road enough times to know where it usually goes.
So instead, I try something that feels almost backward.
I say, “Help me understand what you mean.”
That doesn’t mean I agree. It doesn’t mean I surrender my opinion, excuse bad behavior, or give up my boundaries. It simply means I’m willing to consider the possibility that I don’t have the whole picture.
That little sentence changes my job. I’m no longer trying to win. I’m trying to understand.
And something interesting happens. When people feel heard, they usually don’t have to work quite so hard to make their point. The temperature comes down. Defensiveness softens. A conversation becomes possible again.
The next time somebody says something that gets your dander up, resist the temptation to defend yourself immediately.
Try three words: “Help me understand.”
Then comes the hard part.
Hush long enough to hear the answer.
Watch for the blind spots.
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