Blind Spot: When Love Over Functions
- Jerry Clark
- 7 hours ago
- 1 min read
One mother completed her son’s homework whenever he became frustrated. She wanted him to succeed, but he learned that discomfort meant someone else would rescue him.
A father repeatedly called his adult daughter’s employer when she had problems at work. He believed he was protecting her. Instead, she missed opportunities to speak for herself and develop confidence.
Another parent constantly reminded her children about assignments, appointments, chores, and responsibilities. She carried the entire mental load. When she finally became exhausted and stopped reminding them, everyone accused her of not caring.
These parents were not uncaring or controlling. They were loving people whose anxiety had quietly taken over. They believed, “If I do not handle this, something bad may happen.”
Over functioning occurs when parents consistently do for children what children can gradually learn to do for themselves. The parent becomes more responsible, while the child becomes less responsible. Both can become trapped in the pattern.
Here’s what I’ve learned: helping is not always helpful.
Sometimes love means allowing children to struggle, make mistakes, experience consequences, and discover their own abilities.
Parents can remain supportive without taking over. Ask, “What do you think you should do?” Then listen.
The goal is not to abandon children. It is to prepare them.
Watch for the blind spots.
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