Communication Styles

I've found that communication styles in relationships play a major role in shaping the tone, trust, and emotional safety between people. The three most common styles, aggressive, passive, and assertive, lead to very different outcomes. What’s interesting is that I am not consciously aware of how I come across. My communication style is often automatic, shaped by past experiences, habits, or emotions in the moment. Depending on the situation or who I am with, I may shift unconsciously from one style to another, assertive in one setting, passive or aggressive in another, without even realizing it.

I wonder how many times I changed my style of communication to fit the situation. I wonder if I act differently at work than at home.

I recall not long after I married, we were having an awful fight about something probably very unimportant. We were both angry. I heard the doorbell and when I answered it, it was my parents who had stopped by. Dad asked the familiar question, “How are y’all doing?” Without missing a beat, I smiled big and answered, “We’re doing fine—how about y’all?” In that moment, it hit me…Who am I becoming?

Aggressive communication seeks control and often shows up as blaming, shouting, or interrupting. It may get quick results, but damages trust and pushes others away. Passive communication, on the other hand, avoids conflict by suppressing needs or staying silent. This can lead to resentment and feeling unseen. Assertive communication strikes a healthy balance, clearly expressing needs and feelings with respect for both self and others. It builds trust, emotional safety, and mutual respect in relationships. While aggressive behavior pushes people away and passive behavior disconnects us from our own truth, assertiveness builds bridges. It requires courage and self-awareness, but the payoff is worth it: a deeper connection, clearer understanding, and greater emotional well-being for both people. Being assertive doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always get your way, but it does ensure that your voice is heard in a way that honors both yourself and the other person.

The goal in any healthy relationship is not power or approval, it’s connection. Assertiveness is the path that keeps both people in the conversation, heart to heart.

What’s your style?

Watch for the blind spots.

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