Convince or Become Curious

At one time, convincing was necessary in conversations when there was a difference of opinion. The longer I stayed in that conversation, usually, the more anxious I would get. The more anxiety I had, the less intellectual and spiritual I became. Winning the argument became my focus, and I lost sight of the relationship. My need to be right overshadowed my ability to listen, understand, or connect.

Over time, I realized that my need to "win" was often tied to insecurity. Deep down, I feared that being wrong diminished my worth or credibility. But the truth is, being wrong or seeing another perspective doesn't make me lesser; it makes me human. When I embraced this, I started to see arguments differently.

A turning point came when I prioritized understanding over winning or convincing. During disagreements, I learned to ask myself: "What is the greater goal here? Connection or conquest?" More often than not, the answer was connection. I discovered that the tension eased when I shifted from defending my position to being curious about the other person's perspective. The need to dominate gave way to genuine dialogue.

Letting go of the need to win an argument isn't easy. It requires humility to admit I might not know everything, courage to listen, and grace to let the other person hold their truth, even if it conflicts with mine. But this shift brings a profound reward: healthier relationships, deeper understanding, and inner peace.

These days, I remind myself that the goal of a meaningful conversation isn't to conquer but to connect. Winning an argument might feed the ego, but understanding another person nourishes the soul. I now see that convincing wears us both out and creates separation and resentment.

Again, I will only sometimes get my way, and I will relent when necessary and not waste time trying to convince. However, my no means no. I may relent, do what I want, or return to the drawing board, but I will not convince.

How about you? Do you prefer to convince or become curious?

Watch for the blind spots.

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