Convincing is a Blind Spot
- Jerry Clark
- 17 minutes ago
- 2 min read
I have learned that convincing is one of the most destructive patterns I can fall into during communication. It often feels helpful in the moment, yet it becomes a blind spot I don’t immediately recognize. When I move into convincing mode, I tell myself, If I explain this better, they’ll finally agree. If I say it louder, they’ll finally understand. If I repeat myself, they’ll finally change.
But convincing rarely creates connection. Instead, it creates resistance.
When I try to convince someone, I notice that I stop listening. My curiosity fades, and I begin seeing the other person less as an equal and more as someone I need to correct. I unknowingly move into teacher mode, placing them in student mode, which creates an automatic power imbalance. The harder I push my point, the more the other person tends to retreat, shut down, or strengthen their defenses.
I’ve learned that connection requires conversation, not persuasion.
When I feel the urge to convince, I slow myself down. I ask, “What is it you want me to understand?” I share my perspective without force and allow space for disagreement. I remind myself that urgency is often a sign my anxiety is rising, so I soften my tone, slow my pace, and let go of the need to be right.
Convincing usually means my anxiety is climbing while my intellect is dropping. I am trying to control the outcome instead of connecting with the person.
Some of the healthiest conversations I’ve experienced end with, “We see this differently and that’s okay.” Connection does not require agreement. It requires respect.
Watch for the blind spots.
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