Convincing. The Enemy of Communication.

Years ago, I sat with a friend whom I deeply cared for. We were talking about a sensitive topic; one we’d discussed many times before. Somewhere in the conversation, I stopped listening and started convincing.

I remember leaning in, stacking my evidence, and countering every point he made. My goal wasn’t to understand, it was to win.

The more I pushed, the more he withdrew. His eyes shifted away, his shoulders turned slightly, and his answers became shorter. When I pressed harder, he became quieter. The conversation ended with an awkward silence that carried a heaviness neither of us wanted.

That’s the danger of trying to convince. The moment communication shifts from sharing to convincing, something vital breaks. What was once an exchange is becoming a tug-of-war.

Convincing is where arguments are born, and impasses begin. I can go out of control to gain control. And while the most dominant may “win” in that moment, both sides lose. The one who feels shut down begins to store resentment. Over time, resentment erodes trust, and trust is the foundation of connection.

Convincing polarizes. It forces both people to defend their corner rather than step toward common ground. It breeds frustration, making the relationship feel like a battlefield instead of a safe place.

Allowing others to have an opinion, without trying to reshape it, opens the door to connection. It doesn’t mean I agree with them. It means I value the relationship enough to recognize their right to their view.

Sometimes, the healthiest thing I can say is:

“I see it differently, but I appreciate hearing how you see it.”

That statement doesn’t give up my position. It gives up my need to control.

When I release the need to convince, I make room for respect. And respect is what keeps communication alive when agreement isn’t possible.

In the end, I’d rather keep a friend than win a fight.

The moment I shift from understanding to convincing, I trade connection for control, and even if I win the argument, I lose the relationship.

When I release the need to convince, I make room for respect. And respect is what keeps communication alive when agreement isn’t possible.

In the end, I’d rather keep a friend than win a fight.

The moment I shift from understanding to convincing, I trade connection for control, and even if I win the argument, I lose the relationship.

Watch for the blind spots.

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