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Dead Right



I was talking to my friends Ralph and Robin recently. Robin was not feeling appreciated and expressed it to Ralph. Robin told Ralph that she doesn’t feel like she ever gets compliments. This is her way of telling him that she is feeling disconnected. Ralph met the comment with two examples in the past couple of days where he complimented her.


Ralph’s expressed appreciations were true, yet Robin once again felt unappreciated and misunderstood. Rather than connecting, once more, these comments added to their fractured relationship.


I call this situation “dead right.”

Ralph was right, but his proof pushed Robin away when I believe she was trying to move closer.


In West Texas, we have many caliche roads. When these small dusty roads connect with a highway, the person on the caliche road has a stop sign. If I am driving down the highway and spot an old pickup approaching me on the caliche road, I expect him to stop. As we approach each other, I tell myself that I am right and don’t slow down. I have no clue what he is thinking or even if he is. I now maintain that I’m right and he is wrong, and we crash in the intersection because he does not stop, I am now dead right. Right?!—but for what?


The same is true in this situation perhaps Robin could have phrased her comment so Ralph wouldn’t feel attacked. Ralph didn’t have to be so quick to defend himself and could’ve tried to find out where Robin was coming from, show some empathy, and create a connection with her. Neither was wrong here, but neither was effective in their communications.


This is a typical situation when emotions are extremely high, and the conversation is charged. It usually has to do with unfinished business of the past. [Blind Spot]


Have you ever been dead right? Have you been the recipient of someone being dead right?


Ouch!


Watch for the blind spots.





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Blind Spots in Relationships

What I don't know I don't know about myself







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