I talk to many parents, and every parent or guardian wants the best for their child. They push them to work hard, be disciplined, and strive for excellence. But there's a fine line between encouraging a child to grow and pushing them so hard that it breaks their spirit.
Learning the value of hard work and persistence promotes self-discipline. Understanding consequences and taking responsibility for action enhances accountability. Knowing that they can overcome challenges with effort and determination builds confidence.
However, when discipline turns into excessive criticism, unrealistic expectations, or constant pressure, it can harm a child's self-esteem and manifest as signs of a broken spirit. Avoiding challenges due to anxiety over making mistakes produces fear of failure. Giving up easily or feeling like they'll never be "good enough" shows up as a loss of motivation. Becoming distant, anxious, or overly self-critical lends to emotional withdrawal.
My friend Bill told me this story about his son Noah, who loved basketball. He practiced for hours every afternoon, dreaming of making the school team. Bill, a former athlete, saw his potential and pushed him harder. He created extra drills, longer practice sessions, and constant feedback.
At first, Noah was motivated. But soon, Bill's words became more critical than encouraging.
One evening, after another exhausting practice, Noah sat on the bench, staring down at his sneakers. "Dad, I don't want to play anymore," Noah said quietly.
Bill was stunned. "What do you mean? You love basketball!"
"I used to," Noah admitted. "But now, it feels like I can never be good enough."
With some assistance, Bill realized his mistake, and he softened. Instead of barking orders the next day, he played a one-on-one game with Noah, laughing and encouraging him.
Noah's love for the game slowly returned after a few weeks of consistent praise and fun.
Noah did not feel overwhelmed or not good enough; he felt supported.
Pushing a child to be their best is essential, as is preserving their joy and self-worth. The goal isn't perfection; it's growth.
How about you? Is your parenting about encouraging or pushing too hard?
Watch for the blind spots.
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