From Stones to an Avalanche

Here is a very familiar story.

Sam and Rachel have been friends for years. Lately, though, things have felt strained. Minor annoyances have stacked up, Sam forgot to return a borrowed book, Rachel canceled lunch twice, and neither addressed the little irritations. Both tucked their frustrations away like stones in a backpack, thinking, ‘I don’t want to cause trouble, so I’ll just let it go.’ But instead of letting it go, they carried it. This was a familiar practice for both.

One evening, Rachel made an offhand remark: “Sam, you’re always late.”

That was the spark. Sam exploded. “Always late? I do more for this friendship than you realize! You never thank me. You bail on plans. And now you’re calling me unreliable? I’m done with this!”

The outburst shocked Rachel. What was meant as a small comment about timing was met with a truckload of anger that didn’t match the offense.

What happened? Sam’s emotional backpack was full. Weeks of unspoken annoyance had been quietly collecting, and Rachel’s small remark tipped it over.

When unfinished business piles up, my emotional reservoir has no room left. A tiny spark feels like an explosion. That’s why road rage, angry outbursts, or icy silence can look so disproportionate; they’re not about the present moment, but about everything carried into it.

The antidote? Self-control in real time. It means noticing when something bothers me and calmly addressing it before it grows into a burden. Saying, “When lunch was cancelled, I felt disappointed,” keeps the backpack light. It doesn’t mean picking a fight; it means releasing the stone before it adds weight.

Self-control is not bottling up feelings; it’s choosing how and when to express them, so they don’t turn into an avalanche. When I let go of offenses as they occur, I free myself and give others a chance to respond without defensiveness.

A backpack emptied daily is light to carry. But if I keep stuffing stones inside, one careless word can break the straps, and every buried stone tumbles down like an avalanche.

Watch for the blind spots.

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