Have you ever been excited to share a story, only to wish you could take it back the moment it’s out there? My enthusiasm fades when it seems my story doesn’t match someone else’s. I think it is blurting out a story without considering the other person. Hero stories can inadvertently shut down conversations. It’s almost a reflex to respond with a bigger, better story than the one just told.
In personal and professional settings, the desire to be viewed as a “hero” can often provoke a contest of storytelling expertise. I risk harming meaningful communication when I try to surpass others’ stories or accomplishments. This doesn’t just erode the spirit of teamwork; it also diminishes the importance of genuine experiences and ideas, as everyone becomes more focused on outshining one another.
Examples:
Alice shares her excitement about successfully leading a small project at work. Bob immediately jumps in to talk about the time he led a major company-wide initiative, which drew all the attention and diminished Alice’s sense of accomplishment.
Carla mentions her lovely weekend trip to a nearby beach. Derek interjects to describe his month-long trek through Southeast Asia, making Carla’s simple getaway seem trivial and less attractive by comparison.
Hero stories, especially those focusing on personal triumphs over others, can stifle genuine dialogue and collaboration. They often shift the focus from understanding and resolving collective issues to proving individual worth through tales of personal conquest. This intrusive style can diminish the contributions of others, breeding resentment and miscommunication among team members.
Constant one-upping can lead to a lack of vulnerability within teams. Members feel the need to always appear strong or unbeatable rather than open and collaborative. This environment discourages the sharing of failures and learning experiences that are crucial for group growth and improvement.
I sometimes say, “I’m sure others have a better story than mine. However, I’m going to tell it anyway.” If someone jumps in with a hero story, I say, “I prefaced my comment by saying someone may have a better story,” and let it go.
How about you? Do you tell hero stories?
Watch for the blind spots.
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