Chaos, uncertainty, worry, and fear, these emotions fuel anxiety, making life feel overwhelming and unmanageable. One phrase often emerges in the middle of a storm of racing thoughts: "I don't know." While it might seem like an innocent admission of uncertainty, it often serves as a roadblock, keeping people stuck in their struggle rather than moving forward.
My friend Sarah's story about her good friend Emma is a good example. During a check-in call, Sarah asked Emma about her day. Emma said she was at her kitchen table, staring at the stack of bills she couldn't pay. Her mind swirled with worst-case scenarios: losing her apartment, disappointing her kids, and being judged by friends, even her best friend.
Sarah asked gently, "What's your plan?"
Emma went through all her worries and concerns and finished with a sigh. "I don't know."
Sarah paused. "Okay, but what's one small step you could take?"
Emma shrugged. "I don't know."
Sarah could hear the pain and frustration in Emma's voice. Emma wasn't just lacking answers; she was reinforcing her helplessness. The more she repeated, "I don't know," the deeper she sank into her anxiety. She wasn't searching for solutions; she was confirming that there were none.
When I say, "I don't know," I unknowingly give up my power. It feels like I am being honest, but it stops progress. Instead of exploring options, I declare that none exists.
What if, instead, we asked, "What can I do?" or "What's one small step forward?" These questions shift the mind from chaos to clarity. They create space for action rather than reinforcing fear.
For Emma, the change came when Sarah gently pushed back.
"If you did know, what might you try?"
Emma hesitated, then sighed. "I guess I could ask my landlord for an extension."
That slight shift—from "I don't know" to "I could"—changed everything.
When I feel stuck, the words I use matter. Instead of declaring uncertainty, I shift into possibility. I am surprised at the answers that emerge.
How about you? Do you ever let "I don't know" become a roadblock?
Watch for the blind spots.
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