I Get Half a Vote

Years ago, I stumbled across an idea that changed the way I view relationships. I call it the “Half a Vote Principle.” It’s simple, but not always easy: in every relationship, I only control half the vote. The other half belongs to the other person.

For a long time, I wanted the whole vote. If something wasn’t working, I thought I had to convince, persuade, or even outlast the other person until they agreed with me. You can imagine how well that worked, it led to frustration, distance, and more conflict. Then I realized, if I own half the vote, I also own half the responsibility. That means if I want change, the best place to start is with me.

I remember a time early in my marriage when my wife and I disagreed about finances. I was convinced my way was best. I argued, explained, and re-explained. The more I pressed, the more she resisted. Finally, I stopped. Instead of trying to win her vote, I took responsibility for my half. I asked myself, what can I change in me? That shift, listening more, softening my tone, and asking her perspective instead of pushing mine, transformed the conversation. We didn’t just solve a financial issue; we strengthened trust.

The Half a Vote Principle works because it’s rooted in humility. When I stop trying to control the outcome and start working on my half, the whole dynamic shifts. Sometimes the other person softens, too. Even if they don’t, I’ve grown.

In every relationship, marriage, friendship, work team, or even with our kids, we each carry half the vote. We can waste energy trying to seize the other half, or we can invest in our own. Taking ownership of my half doesn’t guarantee I’ll get my way, but it does guarantee I’ll grow in patience, maturity, and connection.

This doesn’t mean I always relent, it means I know when to yield and when to hold fast.

When I find myself stuck in an argument or misunderstanding, instead of asking, how can I get them to change? I ask, what can I do with my half of the vote?

Watch for the blind spots.

---

Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp