In today’s culture, many believe that getting married and having kids is the natural progression in life. However, not everyone is equipped for the complexities of relationships. Recently, I met a young man who reminded me of my younger self. He was loud, intrusive, and unable to truly listen, unknowingly pushing away the woman he loved. She, on the other hand, was gentle and kind, but by tolerating his behavior, she was teaching him how to treat her in a way that was eroding their relationship.
This situation mirrored my own past, where I had to be right and in control. I didn’t realize how my assertiveness came across, and how, in winning arguments, I was making those around me feel defeated. It’s a hard lesson to learn, and I still feel sadness when I see it in others—the way a relationship can spiral when each person expects the other to change while remaining the same themselves.
Being right, I’ve learned, often means someone else must feel wrong. I despised feeling wrong myself, but I didn’t consider how miserable it must have been for those around me to constantly feel defeated or invalidated. A key question I’ve learned to ask is: “How do I want others to feel about themselves when they’re in my presence?”
When relationships fracture, especially when I had no idea I was contributing to the breakdown, it left me feeling isolated and confused. I used to rationalize and justify my actions without much effort. But it’s a sad thing to argue with someone you love, and even sadder for children to witness unhealthy communication between their parents.
Ultimately, I’ve discovered that the solution to relationship problems lies with the person I see in the mirror.
When I align myself spiritually and intellectually, rather than acting from a place of anxiety, everything falls into place, and relationships begin to thrive.
How about you? Do others feel the way you want them to while in your presence?
Watch for the blind spots.
Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp
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