I ran out of pride...
Pride has many meanings. It can be a sense of warm feelings about family, school, sports teams, and many other examples. It can also mean self-righteousness, arrogance, better than, in control, and other negative characteristics. The latter definition is what I am talking about here.
Yesterday I was talking to a great friend who mentioned that at some point in his life he ran out of pride.
What an interesting thought?
We were talking about our early childhood experiences, and he mentioned growing up with a very harsh dad. This wasn't meant as an indictment of his dad; rather, it was a genuine account of how his early experiences in life shaped the man and dad he became. We are shaped by our interpretation of our experiences.
It is easy to replicate our way of life by passing it along to others. He unintentionally instilled this harshness in his son because he felt being beaten down was the way of life. This caused him to be as distant from his son as he and his own dad had been.
He could not see what he was doing that created the distance with his son. He just wanted to be a good dad but was not equipped. He was using tactics that didn’t work and just as I have done, he tried the same things harder and louder. Isn’t it interesting that when someone doesn’t understand our message, we think they will if we say it louder. [Blind Spot]
After running out of pride, he is now making a successful effort to rebuild the kind of relationship he wants to have with his son and his grandchildren because he recognizes all the mistakes he made.
Wow, this has truly brought back my old ways of thinking. I generally felt inferior as I compared myself to my peers. So, I created a shiny outside to mask the dullness, weakness, and lack of value, I felt on the inside. In a sense it made me want to excel which was a good thing. Who doesn't want to look good and excel? Oh, how this desire to look good got in my way.
Early on, I have done some fantastic things in life. They all had to do with looking good on the outside but not being equipped to look good on the inside. If I don’t like myself, who will?
It took most of my life to run out of the pride that kept me distant from the ones I loved the most. I treated them as I treated myself and I was harsh.
People who only knew me superficially knew only the positive aspects of who I was and how I presented. People who really got to know me could see that I was angry, very shy, not confident, and emotionally immature.
I wanted others to validate something within me that was nonexistent. It’s great to look back and see how I have matured. Thank you, Lord.
The Big Playbook states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2
“I ran out of pride,” that comment from my friend opened the door for me to also see that I too had run out of pride.
Man, what a relief. It changed my life. I remember not being able to laugh at myself. Being the butt of any jokes was very uncomfortable, embarrassing and took me down emotionally.
Today, I see my faults and weaknesses as opportunity for growth and not debilitating characteristics that condemn me. The warmth and glow caused by self-confidence allows me to feel good about who I am and continue the journey of building a better me, being genuine and authentic.
Oh, what a difference it makes. When I feel good about me on the inside, nothing on the outside can harm or insult me.
Today, I seek humility. I'm not interested in projecting an air of superiority on the outside. I aspire for myself and others to radiate from the inside out. I want to assist people to feel good and bring out their best inside character.
I can accept everything I have done wrong and use these things to make great choices for my future.
How about you? Is it the outside or the inside you desire to display?
Watch for the blind spots.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself
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