During a conversation with a couple a few days ago, I overheard a remark that struck a chord within me. The wife expressed her feeling as though he was treating her like he was her dad. He quickly dismissed it, stating he would never do such a thing. Instantly, my alarm bells rang, triggering a sense of déjà vu. How often had I found myself in similar situations, oblivious to my offensive behavior or tone?
Reflecting on past encounters, I remembered how my inability to accept constructive criticism hindered my relationships. My failure to acknowledge my imperfections had inadvertently caused harm and discord, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. This inability to hear feedback effectively obstructed communication and understanding, resulting in the gradual deterioration for a meaningful connection.
You are loud, controlling, perfect, angry, mean, and right are just a few words that reveal important clues that a relationship is in trouble. To dismiss these cries for help is to not hear a cry for a closer relationship. These words can be heard as complaints, but I now see them as compliments in disguise. I would feel closer to you if I was not treated this way.
Neglecting to pay attention to constructive criticism stunted my personal growth and development. I was unaware that constructive feedback is a valuable tool for self-improvement, offering insights into areas needing refinement. Yet, my reluctance to accept criticism left me stagnant, missing out on opportunities for growth and development.
I had a delicate opportunity to assist the husband in recognizing that she was giving this feedback so she could feel closer to him. It was important to help him understand and appreciate his defensiveness and inability to hear such important information kept him at bay. We talked about her experience of being treated like a small girl and how this experience was such a turnoff to intimacy and connection. He was able to hear that he was pushing her away. The key is if the lesson sticks.
How about you? Can you hear what you don’t want to hear?
Watch for the blind spots.
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