My Bootstraps

Have you heard the phrase “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps?” I think it’s meant to inspire grit, independence, and personal responsibility. But like many sayings, it carries both wisdom and pitfalls depending on how it’s applied.

On the good side, the idea reminds me that effort matters. It speaks to resilience, that inner determination to keep moving when life knocks me down. I think of times I’ve had to start over, whether in my career, my health, or my relationships. No one else could take my steps for me. I had to muster the courage to take the first steps, make the phone call, or try again after failure. The “bootstraps” message can light a spark, reminding me that while support is valuable, I am ultimately responsible for how I respond to challenges. That’s a healthy kind of ownership.

However, the negative side of the phrase emerges when it’s used to judge or dismiss others. Life doesn’t hand out equal opportunities. Some face systemic barriers, generational poverty, trauma, or health challenges that can’t be solved by “just trying harder.” Telling someone to pull themselves up when they lack boots, or even straps, can heap shame on top of struggle. It risks ignoring the reality that we often need others, such as mentors, friends, therapy, community, or simply a helping hand.

Another danger is the myth of complete self-reliance. No one truly succeeds alone. Every achievement I can claim was made possible by the efforts of others before me. To act as though I’ve pulled myself up entirely on my own is not just unrealistic; it erases the importance of gratitude and interdependence.

The healthiest way to use the phrase is as an inward reminder, rather than an outward weapon. I can challenge myself to take responsibility for my part, while also recognizing that others may need encouragement, support, or compassion more than a lecture. I find the best way to “pull myself up” is to offer my hand so someone else can stand up beside me.

Watch for the blind spots.

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