If anyone has ever had control issues, it has been me. The paradox of going out of control to gain control is a hidden contradiction. For me, having authority is a fundamental human desire. In the past, I tended to exert control over the people I loved, my environment and any situations I found myself in.
I can navigate life's uncertainties with confidence and security by having self-control. However, there are moments when this desire for control is not available to me.
Exerting control over others in a relationship causes them to feel controlled, and hence out of control. When I am the one who is being controlled, I don't like it at all.
Being in control of others causes uncertainties with their confidence and security. It can become an oppressive force, leading me to wreak destruction to their spontaneity and creativity. [Blind Spot]
Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and to gain trust, I must allow vulnerability by letting go of the need to control every aspect of the connection. Ironically, I strengthen the bond by embracing vulnerability, realizing that love and connection flourish without excessive control.
It took me many years to recognize this blind spot for myself. There is no telling how many people I have chased away in my life.
Because control was a blind spot for me, I would rationalize, minimize, or justify my position when someone attempted to call it to my attention. This was also a form of control that was hidden from me. I was doing things that were showing up as counterproductive for me, and I didn't know it. [Blind Spot]
I have learned that I can only control myself through personal growth, attention to feedback, and the desire to build a better me. By doing this, I can exert influence over others, but I do not control them.
What a relief it is now to yield control to others and promote confidence and learning even though others I love may make mistakes.
Indeed, it is essential to be ready to protect others from disasters to avoid danger, terrible harm, or self-destruction.
How do you deal with control? Would any of your loved ones say they feel controlled by you?
Watch for the blind spots.
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself
