BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

My friends Ralph and Robin were arguing, as it progressed, Ralph began to get anxious, and his voice elevated. Raising his voice didn't cause the reaction he was looking for, so he got even louder. Finally, he subdued the conversation with Robin by escalating harsh, controlling language. Robin sank into the woodwork as her demeanor seemed more passive and subservient. Ralph and Robin have recreated a relationship much like their parents. Ralph's dad was harsh and controlling.

Four employees are doing the same work for a small engineering firm. Two have been there for less than one year, one for less than two years, and Ned has been with the company for almost six years but has been on this project for the last two years and is the "unnamed" leader of the team. The company owner has expressed concerns about time waste and the quality of work in this small group. Ned has negatively saturated the group's attitude. When the boss gives them their dutie

Ralph is talking to his friend Robert about Robin. He tells him he is exasperated due to Robin’s griping and complaining. He says it seems that she is always unhappy about so many things. She whines about the way this is done or that it is not done. Griping can be a result of miscommunication. If I tell you something and it does not get done, I’ll say it again out of frustration. When it still goes undone, the complaining gets worse, and the relationship begins to fracture. I

Robin and Ralph have been dating for more than a year and are discussing his ex-girlfriend. Robin reports feeling that his ex is trying to keep in touch with him even though they have been apart for over a year. His ex-texts him occasionally, and it is getting under Robin's skin. She continues to complain to Ralph; he claims to have told her to stop, but it has done no good. She doesn't want to lose him, but the same old tactics aren't working. She uses this opportunity to sa

It's easy for us to present happiness and contentment—it is generally how I portray myself to others. However, sometimes "the critic" inside continues to remind me of all the wrongs I've done, all the mistakes I've made, and all the self-deprecating statements I've spoken. I know every wrong that I've done better than anyone, and I have proof of my shortcomings. It is not difficult to recall them; the times I failed, the times I embarrassed myself or someone else. Others know

I don’t know about you, but my mind becomes unbridled when I see or hear people say things or do things that I wouldn't. It is easy for me to be judgmental and criticize their decisions. Just the other day, I am sitting at a long traffic light. I have set through three lights already and now I'm about to make the next one when the light turns green. I have almost been patient, waiting for my turn to go. What?! The person in front of me decides to let two cars out of a drivewa

I don't know about you, but when I wake up without an agenda, it's effortless to doddle around, get my coffee, and plant myself in front of the TV. I melt into what someone else decides to fill my mind with. I see the ugly side of the world and call it news. I get drained because I'm helpless to stop the war, shootings, white-collar crimes, DUIs, political polarization, and the like. Hearing interviews where people are asked terrible questions like, "What is it like for your

They were at a large gathering of friends and family. It was a spring outing, the weather was picturesque, there were lots of joyful people visiting and enjoying conversation. Ralph stood up and asked all to be quiet. He wanted to tell them about Robin. It took him a few seconds to gather his composure. He said, “We have been together a long time. I have been blessed with a companion that has stuck with me through thick and thin. She has always taken the best care of me even

Ralph and George are talking in the coffee shop about a coworker who has cuts on her wrists. Without any concrete knowledge, they are speculating about what must be happening in her life. Regardless of the reason behind the cutting, she is not portrayed favorably to them. The speculation or stories they are telling themselves become their truths and they will spread these stories whether true or not. Because it is presented as truth now it becomes easy to share their conversa

Last week I relayed the story about Ralph and Robin having difficulty expressing themselves in a way that the other could understand and appreciate. Hearing what could be construed as a complaint or fault from the one you love can stimulate the feeling of defensiveness. I see that it can be challenging to identify or acknowledge defensiveness in some circumstances because doing so requires admitting you are wrong or the need for change. The level of defensiveness is related t

I was speaking to a good friend the other day about being a guardian, not some judge or holier-than-thou kind of person. Subsequent to his chat, I was reminded of the following stories. I was in Houston traffic a while back. Some people stand on the street corner and ask for money, known as panhandlers. They get contributions and rebukes. Some are called winos who want money for alcohol. Others are seen as the down and out of society and resort to pleading. Most are more igno

What is the secret to advancing at work or building a better family? It is easy to spot the things others are doing wrong and impede my success at home or on the job. I hear these questions or comments related to work, "Why do they do it that way? Why don't they include me more?" My suggestions are ignored. I am disregarded while things are going well, but I am constantly involved when things derail. In families', similar questions are asked, "Why do they argue so much? Why d

Where is my thinking? It is easy to get caught up in today’s news. The world, government, politics, and polarization on these important topics can poison us and push us toward negative thinking. Who are the bad guys today? What are they doing to cause my clan aggravation? It is easy for us to put our 2 cents in and contribute to the problems, justifying our position by stirring up chaos but not contributing to any solutions or contributions to create opportunities for connect