Emotional intelligence. Not IQ. Drives real leadership. Influence grows when you pause, adjust your tone, and lead with awareness.

In corporate America, we reward intelligence, degrees, certifications, and expertise. But after thirty years in leadership and another thirty in counseling, I’ve seen a consistent truth: emotional intelligence at work outranks raw IQ every time.

When a team falls apart, leaders usually blame the wrong things; poor communication, unclear expectations, or personality clashes. However, in reality, most breakdowns stem from a single root cause: a lack of emotional intelligence at work.

Anxiety vs intellect is a tug-of-war. Learn to respond, not react. Pause, name your feelings, and act with wisdom and courage.

Good decisions come from the pause. One breath moves us from urgency to clarity, giving intellect space to lead instead of anxiety.

I need to lead my mind to lead my life. When intellect guides and anxiety advises, clarity follows, and with it, the quiet strength of inner leadership.

A story about turning inner battles into growth, where healing comes through honesty, connection, and finding meaning beyond the chaos within.

In the Marines, I learned that discipline doesn’t just keep me alive, it keeps me centered when chaos hits. I didn’t quit because it hurt or felt unfair. I adapted, refocused, and marched forward.   That same principle applies in emotional healing. In counseling, I often meet veterans who survived combat but now face a different kind of enemy, their own untrained emotions. They’ve been taught to endure, not to feel. But emotional resilience requires both strength and surrende

In Vietnam, the sound of helicopters meant two things: help was on the way, or someone was leaving. It was the sound of both relief and loss. That sound still echoes inside me when I hear someone talk about waiting for rescue, emotionally, not physically.   Years later, as a counselor, I’ve heard that same tremor in the voices of veterans sitting across from me. Their war is no longer fought on the battlefield, but in memories, nightmares, and emotions that ambush them when l

Later in life, I learned that true strength isn’t about domination, it’s about discipline. Self-control is the most effective and efficient way to gain control in any situation.   In leadership, I’ve seen gifted people lose influence because they couldn’t manage frustration. I’ve also seen quiet, steady leaders gain deep respect simply by staying grounded when everyone else lost their cool. That’s when I began practicing what I call power under control, the ability to respond

Years ago, my mentor George told me, “Jerry, leaders don’t have to have the loudest voice; they need the calmest presence.”   At that time, I was quick to react when things went wrong. A missed deadline, a sharp word, or a broken promise could ignite my emotions. Then I learned one of the most powerful tools of emotional intelligence: to respond, not to react.   Taking the time to think about a response does not show weakness; it’s wisdom. It’s the space between stimulus and

I remember a day when everything seemed to go wrong: a client complaint, a team misunderstanding, and a family issue all hit at once. My emotions felt like a thunderstorm with no shelter in sight. I wanted to lash out and shut down. Then I remembered something I often tell my clients:   “You can’t stop the storm, but you can choose where you stand in it.”   That’s where self-regulation begins, the ability to guide my emotions instead of being ruled by them. I went for a short