Ralph is talking to his friend Robert about Robin. He tells him he is exasperated due to Robin’s griping and complaining. He says it seems that she is always unhappy about so many things. She whines about the way this is done or that it is not done.
Griping can be a result of miscommunication. If I tell you something and it does not get done, I’ll say it again out of frustration. When it still goes undone, the complaining gets worse, and the relationship begins to fracture. It will only get worse if a change in communication doesn’t happen.
When someone lodges a grievance, and nothing happens to resolve it; it escalates. The aggrieved party feels unheard and tends to get louder and more resolute in their approach to solving their issue.
The blamed party becomes more resistant and may even get angry about repeatedly hearing the same thing over and over. Often the controversy leaks over to other family members and friends.
It is so easy for both parties to feel unheard, unappreciated, and nagged.
This is such a typical situation where information flow needs to be translated in a manner that can make a difference. Both parties have the right to complain about the other; he doesn’t listen, and she is constantly nagging.
If this continues, it gets added to the resentment pile and will only cause more misunderstanding and self-righteous behavior. It is easy for each to see the situation from their own perspective. If only they would listen or stop nagging. Instead of the initial conversation, blaming becomes the root of the conflict.
I see both parties as culpable here. He fails to listen in a manner that will allow her to share her concern. It could feel like he is wrong or inept in some way. This causes defensiveness which will stop communication almost immediately.
She fails to get her point across in a way he can hear and respond in a more favorable way. If she repeats it louder or later the same way, he still will not be able to hear it in a way that can be processed.
This is the blind spot for both.
If nagging surfaces in a relationship, stop, and look for ways to listen and hear what is being said.
After all, the relationship is at stake.
Watch for the blind spots.
This is a great video**, enjoy and Happy Friday!
**instagram video credit—ellen skrimetti : @justskrmetti
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Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about Myself
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