BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

Ralph and Robin were in their kitchen having a discussion. Their emotions began to rise. Robin attempted to explain her point of view and was continually interrupted by Ralph. The more she felt she couldn't express herself because of his interruptions, the more anger she presented. Her demeanor hooked his anger, and the eruption of accusations, fault finding, bringing up the past, and dredging up old wounds resulted in her leaving the room with more hurt and pain than before.

Last week I was listening to Ralph and Robin again. Robin was going over a list of grievances. She reported: You get angry. I don't feel connected. I sense you are intolerant. You say negative things about my family. You treat neighbors and strangers better than me. Each of these grievances was listed separately, and each was met with resistance, "I wouldn't do these things if you didn't blank blank blank." Wow, what a disconnect. Robin wanted to connect with Ralph by sharing

Is it survival or just a discussion? Robin and Ralph are discussing the delicate subject of budget. It is usually a hot topic for them, and this time is no different. As the conversation continues, emotions begin to flare. What will happen here? Will it end in anger or disappointment? When you are in a tense situation trying to defend your position and start to feel yourself losing ground, it is easy to get loud, stand up, and present yourself as powerfully as possible. You t

What story am I telling myself about a situation or grievance? We are great at telling stories to ourselves. I can write novels when I'm worried, feel threatened or feel out of control. I can spin myself up telling stories, especially when I don't share them with others. When I am telling myself stories, it is next to impossible for someone to be able to know my story unless I share it with them. If I don't tell them, it is easy for them to misinterpret my mood or attitude. I

Oh, the trap of starting New Year's resolutions. It can be a setup for failure. They once were more popular. I can recall the time they were truly important and exciting in my younger years. Among the most popular New Year's resolutions are lose weight, exercise, earn/save more money, improve diet, read more books, take better care of oneself, have a happy attitude, and many other things. Looking forward to a new year with a fresh start can make it more exhilarating and revit

Sometimes the strangest things can give us the best answers. It’s just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so. It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas–oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it–overspending…the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and

What an honorable thing to do. After all, The Big Play Book says, "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Matthew 5:39 Taken out of contents, this can lead to difficulties in relationships. I see this verse, taken at times, as if I have to give in at every turn. Sometimes I call it being too nice. Givers can give into bitterness. Giving too much teaches others that we are always ready and willing to help them in any familiar capacity. When

I am reminded of an interview of a famous race car driver. When asked what the most important thing a race car driver could do, he answered, “Don’t look at the wall.” When he was asked to clarify his response, He said, “I go where I am looking.” Enough said. This causes me to reflect on how exposing our blind spots sets us up for emotionally healthy relationships. I need to look for what I want and what I am missing not what is agonizing or troublesome. “Reading Blind Spots

In my parenting mode, I have said, “I have told you ten times to stop that or to get this done.” Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have said the same thing. It is customary for me to use this kind of declaration when I feel that my request has been ignored. Subsequently, I follow up with, “why don’t you do what I asked?” It becomes easy to doubt my own credibility in this situation. I question whether my first nine requests come off as mere suggestions. When I am allowing

What a wonderful time of the year. The holidays are coming and tis’ the season to be jolly. Thanksgiving celebration is upcoming then followed quickly by Christmas. This is the time for getting together, sharing, building new memories, and celebrating the old. Time is quickly passing and it's important that we be thankful every day for who we are and how we've gotten here. As we gather joyously, laughing, and reconnecting during the season, there will be occasions when what I

I often hear statements that have to do with trying to accomplish something—trying to find a new job, trying to lose weight, or trying to be a better friend. For some reason, whenever I hear the word "try," I immediately think of "an attempt," "to make an effort," and "search.” All of these may result in positive outcomes but are more hopeful and less intentional than truly making a difference. I have “tried” many things in my life. In some, I succeeded and in others, I did n

I talk about blind spots in relationships because I feel so many relationships can be salvaged. It is so easy to look at the other person and see their mistakes but is very difficult to truly own our culpability. Have you ever thought of the price we pay for relationships that don't work or work minimally? With broken family relationships, when parents divorce, the collateral damage ripples throughout the family and friends. One of the things that I see that is most disturbin

Jody and Dawn gossiped a lot about their friends in their group. When recalling their pals' "inadequacies" and "oddities," the two of them laughed heartily. The gang had known each other for years, and for whatever reason, the gossip had persisted. They didn't stop to even consider why they gossiped or the repercussions of gossip. Recently, Jody realized that her pals may also be gossiping and spreading rumors about her. It is easy to project onto others the things we are doi

I know the importance of reminders and today is a reminder of a blind spot that I see rear its ugly head day after day in my office. SHAME [SHām] NOUN 1. a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior: As I have mentioned, I grew up in West Texas in a family of six children. I was the fifth in line. I was small in stature, and we were not the wealthiest family around. Within the family, there was a lot of teasing, s