People will occasionally make an alarming and difficult comment. Unsolicited advice or false accusations can be the worst. I call it “blurting” and here are examples:
Why did you do it that way?
Why do you allow that to happen?
Why don't you do it my way?
You should not listen to them.
You need to fix that.
Your colors are uncoordinated.
Your car is ugly. You need to get another one.
Can't you keep up?
Your family is chaotic.
As you can see from the examples above—to blurt means to say something suddenly without thinking and is generated by excitement or discontent. It is sometimes heard as a false accusation. Blurts entice us to follow along with the subject introduced by the blurter. Attempting to defend this type of conversation can be futile and exhausting at best.
It can be quite challenging but also incredibly beneficial to learn how to symbolically move aside and let these kinds of words sink into the wall behind us.
First, I like to preplan my conversation with a blurter. I asked myself what they might say or ask, and then I predetermine how I want to respond. It is a great idea to put these things in writing, so you have a record to look back on and add to as you continue to use this technique.
Here are a few gently curious questions and a statement that have proved to be rock solid:
Why did you do it that way? (answer) How come you ask?
Your family is chaotic. (answer) What would you like me to do with that information?
You are wrong. You need my help. You are jumping the gun. (response) This is coming so fast I feel blown away or even inept. Isn't that something? I really know what I'm doing and how to handle this. Thanks for your opinion.
If they reply or answer my question, I use an eloquent grunt. Humm. Then I don't say anything else.
Second, I like to refrain from engaging in their subject matter. I like to have a one-minute story that I can throw down in the middle of the blurting attack, Did I tell you about…?
It is amazing that people are unaware they come across in a way that is disconcerting or annoying to another. [Blind Spot] Remember, because they are unaware of it, trying to bring it to their attention can sometimes be futile. It is a process of learning how to strategically disengage and you will get better each time you find yourself in this situation.
Identify the blurt and prepare a response plan. Although it is simple to say, doing so is challenging. It hurts to be a blurter's victim.
Watch for the blind spots.
Please comment, like, and share, I appreciate your input.
You can get a copy of my book below.
Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about Myself
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