I have spent the last 36 years working on building a better me. It was precipitated by failure in my marriage and the workplace. The things I didn't know I didn't know about myself caused me to blunder in many ways.
It is amazing how Rationalizing, Minimizing, and Justifying can cause me to feel good about who I am and how I show up, yet to others, it is distasteful and highly unattractive. When I operated out of my thinking and would not allow others to influence me, I unknowingly hurt them and myself. [Blind Spot]
I think shame was my biggest nemesis. I had low self-esteem and could not hear or internalize anything that caused me to look inadequate. It took so much work to recognize that God made me enough and that I was different, and it’s okay to be different. I could never laugh at myself, nor could I hear negative things said about me.
I began a journey of not trying to be perfect and allowing myself to become the authentic man I was created to be. I had to recognize the pejorative things said about me were true to others, and if I cared at all about them and myself, I must allow their critique to be fuel for improvement. It was a struggle to be different, but it was so liberating. I became lighter and could laugh and enjoy things like never before. It is incredible how free I have felt by just being me and accepting God's gift of life.
However, I slipped back into my old habits a few months ago. I was asleep at the wheel of my emotions and didn't recognize I was struggling emotionally. In our Veteran's group on Thursday evenings, I allowed myself to get hooked by circumstances. I embarrassed myself and hurt others with my harsh words.
Old habits die hard.
I say all of this to admit I am on a journey of building a better me, and as diligent as I am working on this, I can still fall back into the old habits that I want to shed. Ouch!
How about you?
Watch for the blind spots.
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