Real Clarity: Regulation

I’ve had moments when I said something in the heat of the moment and later thought, “Why did I say that? That’s not even me.” The reason is simple: when my emotions rise, my intellect shuts down. The emotional part of my brain and the intellectual part draw from the same energy source. When one ramps up, the other fades. It’s biology, not a character flaw. That’s why even thoughtful, intelligent people, including me, can act irrationally when anxiety spikes.

When my emotions take over, my brain shifts from problem-solving to survival. I start reading facial expressions as threats. I interpret silence as rejection. I hear the tone louder than the words. Logic doesn’t disappear; it just gets drowned out by fear, frustration, or defensiveness.

In those moments, I’m not really thinking; I’m reacting.

The good news is that the moment I regulate my emotions, my intellect comes back online. That’s why the pause is so powerful. One intentional breath can slow my physiology, lower anxiety, and restore access to my best thinking. When I step back instead of forward, lower my volume, relax my shoulders, and breathe through my nose, clarity begins to return. Asking myself, “What’s really happening here?” helps shift me out of reaction and into reflection.

Clear thinking cannot happen in an emotionally flooded brain. Addressing my emotions first isn’t weakness; it’s wisdom. And every relationship in my life improves when intellect, not anxiety, leads the conversation.

Watch for the blind spots.

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