Rigidly Flexible

Over coffee the other day, a friend dropped a phrase that stuck with me: rigidly flexible. At first, it sounded like a contradiction, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how powerful it is.

I remember a couple I worked with years ago. They had been married for over three decades and had weathered the storms of raising kids, career changes, and health scares. The husband was a man of deep conviction. He held firm to his promises, providing for his family, showing up for church every Sunday, and living with honesty. His wife, though, was the more adaptable one, ready to pivot when life didn’t go according to plan. But here’s the beauty: he wasn’t just rigid, and she wasn’t just flexible. Each of them had learned, in their own way, to be both.

One afternoon, they told me about a crisis with their youngest son. He had made a decision that deeply hurt them, violating everything they stood for. The husband was heartbroken, but instead of cutting off his son (rigidity without flexibility), he stood firm in his values while keeping the door of relationship open. “I will not support what you did,” he told him, “but I will always be your father, and you will always have a place at my table.” That’s rigidly flexible.

It struck me: life constantly tests us with these tensions. Too rigid, and we break under pressure. Too flexible, and we lose our shape. But when we can be rigid in our principles and flexible in our approach, we create both stability and connection.

Maybe today you’re facing a situation where you’re tempted to snap or bend too far. What would it look like to stand tall in your values, but still bend with compassion?

That’s the invitation of being rigidly flexible, a strong spine with a willing heart.

Watch for the blind spots.

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