Stop Fixing. Start Listening.
- Jerry Clark
- 56 minutes ago
- 2 min read
One of the hardest habits for me to break, especially in close relationships, is my instinct to fix the other person.
Fixing can feel helpful, responsible, and even loving. But I have discovered that it almost always creates distance instead of connection.
When I try to fix someone, I often unintentionally send messages I never meant to send. My attempts can sound like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” “You’re wrong,” “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re not capable of figuring this out.” I have learned that most people do not want to be fixed. They want to be understood.
When I move into fixing mode, I interrupt emotional processing. I can shut down honesty and turn a meaningful conversation into a debate instead of a connection. I also risk elevating my intellect while dismissing their experience, which weakens trust rather than building it.
Instead of fixing, I practice gentle curiosity.
I ask questions like, “How long have you felt this way?” “What story are you telling yourself?” “What do you need right now?” and “Help me understand what’s underneath this.” These questions help me stay present and create space for other people to explore what they are feeling.
I have noticed that when people are given space to talk, they begin to understand themselves more clearly. When they feel heard, their stress lowers. When stress lowers, clarity returns. Many times, they discover their own solution, one they might not have found if I had been busy trying to fix them.
I remind myself that my role is not to be the savior. My role is to create emotional space where someone can save themselves.
Connection first. Solutions second.
Watch for the blind spots.
👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡Blind Spots in Relationships, get your copy today on Amazon, BN or BAM. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp
Comments