Stories We Tell Ourselves

Have you ever found yourself spinning a story in your head about a friend, a partner, or a coworker without ever saying a word out loud? I know I have. When I feel anxious, confused, or unsettled, my mind can craft entire narratives and the more I keep those stories to myself, the more real they begin to feel. But here’s the problem: if I don’t share what I’m thinking, how can anyone possibly understand where I’m coming from?

I often work with couples who are miles apart emotionally, not because of what’s said but because of what is unsaid. They sit across from each other, both confused, hurt, or frustrated. When I ask, “What story are you telling yourself right now?” They look puzzled. “What story?” they ask. And yet, as we talk, the story always emerges: “He must not care,” “She’s pulling away,” “They’re mad at me.”

The truth is we all tell ourselves stories. But when we don’t verify those stories. When we don’t share our story or when we don’t ask the other to clarify or open up, we act on assumptions. Assumptions are often the cause of problems.

If I think someone is angry with me, I may withdraw or get defensive. But maybe they are not angry at all; perhaps they are tired, distracted, or hurting about something else entirely. If I never ask, I never find out. And that gap between us can widen, quietly but powerfully, into real distance.

This happens in marriages, families, offices, churches, and friendships.

So, I’ve learned to ask better questions:

—What story am I telling myself right now?

—What story are you telling yourself? 

—What are we not talking about that we need to talk about?

Healthy relationships are built on clarity, not mind-reading. When I stop assuming and start sharing, something beautiful happens, and I connect.

The story in my head might not be the whole truth. It deserves to be checked out with care, curiosity, and a desire for connection.

Watch for the blind spots.

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Great leaders understand their blind spots—do you? Blind Spots in Relationships is your guide to unlocking self-awareness and building stronger connections. 💡 Get a copy today. 📚http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp