Subordinate and Win

Often, I find myself in challenging conversations where disagreements can be tough to handle. If I yield too much and give in, I risk losing my sense of self, teaching the other person that I am easily pushed around, which can lead to feelings of resentment. On the other hand, if I push too hard to prove I am right, I might win the argument, but it comes at the cost of damaging the relationship, leaving both of us worse off.

Sometimes, when I witness two people caught in an argument, I ask the angry or attacking person to sit on the floor with me. This might sound unconventional, but it significantly impacts how the conversation unfolds. Subordination doesn't mean giving up; it means taking control of one's emotional state. When I see someone choose to subordinate themselves to another, I notice that their tone softens, the amplitude of their voice goes down, and the conversation shifts from being aggressive to collaborative. Subordination is not about sitting on the floor; it’s about lowering your eye level to the other. This is an amazing phenomenon to witness.

Maintaining a sense of assertiveness while subordinating myself during a heated conversation involves finding a balance between deferring to the other person to reduce tension and standing firm on my boundaries and needs.

It means removing myself from my reptilian brain (the flight or fight mode) into a more conscious communicative state.

By combining assertiveness with subordination, I can communicate my perspective clearly and respectfully without escalating the conflict, ensuring that we both feel heard and understood. It also helps preserve self-respect. Being assertive allows me to ensure my own needs, values, and boundaries are respected, preventing feelings of resentment or frustration that can come from feeling unheard or invalidated.

This approach empowers both parties. By taking control of my communication style and showing respect and a willingness to understand the other person's perspective, I empower them as well. This balance makes both parties feel more valued, leading to healthier communication.

The teachings of Jesus are a perfect example of this.

How about you? Can you subordinate and win in a heated conversation?

Watch for the blind spots.

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