The balance of the three-legged stool.


Have you ever found yourself in conversations doing any of these things?

  • Filibustering or trying to convince

  • Avoiding or abandoning the conversation

  • Becoming argumentative or angry

  • Pleasing or placating

  • Using humor

Notice these are things that we learn as children.


It is my observation that learning to reduce stress as children, we found ourselves doing these things:

  • Temper tantrum

  • Yelling

  • Getting quiet or alone

  • Causing a distraction by pleasing

  • Using humor to break the tension

When we learned these things as a child, I say we were in 'survival mode', and we reacted or counteracted.


As these stress reactions fade, we pick up these stress approaches and bring them into our adult world, where they manifest as emotional immaturity.


Having a tantrum as an adult is ineffective. It also doesn't help to shout and argue.

Over-pleasing may sound healthy, but over time it can lead to serious issues.


I say that by attending school and paying attention to our parents and teachers, children develop intellectually. By eating, sleeping, and exercising, we develop physically.


These things are natural in our everyday lives, however; growing emotionally is not.


Without conscious effort and focus on learning how to handle our emotions, we find ourselves in deep trouble. When we can recognize that we are employing self-control regardless of our circumstances and the mood or reaction of others, then we can truly say that we are emotionally mature.


Until then, we may find ourselves going out of control to gain control.


Be sure your stool has three legs.

Watch for the blind spots.



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Blind Spots in Relationships

What I don't know I don't know about myself


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