The Heart or the Cesspool
- Jerry Clark
- Jan 16
- 1 min read
Every relationship contains two emotional containers: a heart and a cesspool. The heart holds appreciation, kindness, affirmation, humor, and connection. The cesspool holds resentments, sarcasm, put-downs, and the quiet list of everything the other person does wrong.
The health of any relationship is determined by which container gets filled more often.
In the early stages of a relationship, the heart is usually full. Partners catch each other doing things right, offer compliments easily, overlook minor irritations, and give one another the benefit of the doubt. Over time, as routines settle in and familiarity grows, attention often shifts away from what is working and toward what feels disappointing or irritating.
Cesspools don’t fill all at once; they grow qui
etly. A forgotten chore adds one drop. A sarcastic remark adds another. Keeping score adds more. Unspoken hurts accumulate until, eventually, the cesspool becomes the emotional lens through which everything is interpreted.
The truth, however, is that this pattern can change at any time. Shifting back to the heart begins with a single intentional choice, catching the other person doing something right. Then doing it again. And again. Affirmation builds confidence. Attention builds connection. Appreciation builds safety.
If you want a relationship that thrives, make a conscious decision to fill the heart more than the cesspool. It only takes one person to change the atmosphere.
Be that person.
Watch for the blind spots.
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