The Way We Say It
- Jerry Clark
- 10 hours ago
- 2 min read
Language has the power to either build a connection or quietly destroy it. The difference is often subtle, yet the emotional impact is profound.
The words I choose shape whether a conversation becomes a bridge between people or a wall that pushes them apart.
Statements that divide often sound familiar: “You always…,” “You never…,” “You should…,” “You need to…,” “You don’t…,” or “Why would you…?” These phrases tend to create defensiveness because they focus on blame rather than understanding. They raise anxiety, trigger the emotional brain, and shift the conversation into protection and argument instead of connection.
In contrast, statements that connect sound very different. They might include phrases such as, “I felt worried when…,” “I missed you today,” “I need reassurance,” “I want us to understand each other,” “I’m confused—help me understand,” or “I care too much to let this go.” These statements are based on personal experience rather than on accusation. They soften the tone and invite empathy instead of resistance.
A helpful guideline is simple: when a statement begins with “you” in a negative tone, it often divides; when it begins with “I” in an honest and vulnerable tone, it tends to connect. Talking about your own experience leaves little room for argument because you are sharing how you feel, not judging someone else’s intentions.
Connection grows when I feel safe, seen, and valued. Division grows when I feel blamed, misunderstood, or dismissed. When conversations become difficult, I speak from my heart rather than from my hurt.
Watch for the blind spots.
Get your copy of Blind Spots in Relationships on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, BAM and learn more about how to identify yours today. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp
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