top of page

Turn the other cheek.

What an honorable thing to do.

After all, The Big Play Book says, "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Matthew 5:39

Taken out of contents, this can lead to difficulties in relationships. I see this verse, taken at times, as if I have to give in at every turn. Sometimes I call it being too nice. Givers can give into bitterness.

Giving too much teaches others that we are always ready and willing to help them in any familiar capacity.

When others point out that we were once very giving and now we are not, we tap into any and all available adrenaline or internal capacity to give even more. When that is depleted, we refuse or are unable to continue.

The previously veiled difficulty in the relationship now becomes obvious. A giver decides not to continue when they are exhausted and do not feel fed or nourished. This can lead to a relationship ending in some cases.

The capacity to give is unique to every person. The ones who have a great sense of self, seem to have a greater sense of giving. Giving out of richness and not poverty is also an important factor.

What a wonderful thing it is to give within healthy limits. Determining what your healthy limits are can be difficult. I heard the saying, "If it’s not a Hell Yes, it’s a Hell No." I kind of like that.

Sometimes I have given too much and didn’t recognize that it was contributing to bitterness.

I am amazed at the number of people who fall casualty to this characteristic. It looks so good and sometimes creates a great feeling, but it can be catastrophic in relationships. Balance is the key. Feeling great about who you are in the presence of the one you love is a wonderful experience. It is a wonderful litmus test for any relationship.

Givers must set great boundaries because takers have none.

I hear these classic stories of givers who attempt to tell the other they are not getting the recognition or appreciation they feel they deserve. When the relationship erodes and the giver finally says, "I've had enough and I'm out of here," the standard response I hear is, "Why didn't you tell me?" and the typical answer to this is “I have been telling you for years, but you don't listen.”

I can’t count the number of times I have heard this. Then blame seems to permeate the conversation. I say that both are culpable here. The sender of the message is responsible to see that the receiver hears the message clearly. The receiver is to hear it in a way that does not include, rationalizing, minimizing, or justifying the information. Sometimes additional assistance is needed to break this circular conversation.

Turning the other cheek can sometimes be very appropriate. Other times it teaches others we can be mistreated or misused.

I like to give as long as it feels good. The minute the slightest amount of bitterness appears, I must reorient myself. I do not want to be mad at me.

How about you, can you be at fault of giving too much?

Watch for the blind spots.

Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts.

If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below.

Blind Spots in Relationships

What I don't know I don't know about myself

21 views0 comments


bottom of page