What Children Know
- Jerry Clark
- Jan 19
- 2 min read
Children are far more perceptive than many parents realize. One of the most common blind spots in families is underestimating how quickly kids sense emotional fractures between their parents. They may not understand adult dynamics, but they feel misalignment instantly, and when they do, they instinctively explore the crack. Not because they are manipulative, but because they are anxious.
When parents are not united, one is harsh while the other is lenient, children do not feel safe; they feel confused.
They begin searching for the parent who feels more predictable. This behavior is often mistaken for defiance, but it is actually a form of survival. I have seen this pattern hundreds of times: when one parent tightens the rules, the other softens; when roles reverse, the opposite parent becomes the “fun one”; and when parents argue openly, the child quietly becomes the emotional center of the home.
Children should move between parents; they should never be placed between them. When parents present a united front, the home's emotional system stabilizes. When that unity fractures, the entire household becomes unsteady. Unity does not require parents to agree on everything; it requires presenting agreement publicly and handling disagreements privately. Sometimes it is as simple as both parents physically stepping beside each other, even in silence, when discipline begins to escalate.
Children do not need perfect parents. They need united ones.
Unity lowers anxiety, lower anxiety reduces behavior problems, and improved behavior strengthens the entire family. Parenting is leadership, and leadership works best in pairs.
Watch for the blind spots.
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