Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you feel your voice doesn't matter? Talking to someone who is grumpy, growly, stern, or unapproachable can lead to severe communications problems, and it is fascinating that both parties in this example have blind spots. The one who represents the authority is unknowingly creating an experience that causes fragmentation. The one who retreats is equally contributing to the problem.
One of the most significant outcomes of discovering Blind Spots is the ability to hear, recognize, and become aware of your participation in what causes fatal relationship mistakes.
This is an amazing process that cuts in two ways:
1) A person who feels dominated may not recognize their reaction to the situation. They may have the familiar feeling that confronting the more dominant person will only exacerbate the problem. This creates a facade of understanding, while underneath, there is a lack of genuine connection. Going quiet, doubtfully agreeing, and changing the subject are communication pitfalls under these circumstances. These reactions create mistrust, confusion, and derail opportunities to connect. They lead to the creation of secrets and conversations that occur behind the other's back. This makes for juicy gossip when you can share it with others who understand and appreciate your dilemma. It may feel good, but it will only perpetuate the problem. When we feel frustrated and someone truly understands us, it can often lead to a sense of self-righteousness. The problem here is someone else (the dominate one) needs to understand you.
2) The person who is more dominant often fails to recognize the impact of their actions and is typically unable to acknowledge when they have offended the other or dismissed their input. This feeling of being right and in control may feel comfortable to them but is an unconscious turnoff. The dominating one is opposed to hearing information that could benefit both. Defensiveness is the blind spot that, if not discovered, will continue to develop resentments that can, over time, fracture a relationship. Being unable to hear negative things about ourselves is one of the biggest pitfalls to healthy communication. The presentation of dominance prevents open sharing, significantly if the other is unconsciously compromising.
Both parties here are being fooled.
It is easy to avoid conflict.
Where do you find yourself, being dominant or being recessive?
Watch for the blind spots.
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If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book below.
Blind Spots in Relationships
What I don't know I don't know about myself
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