Who Writes Your Script?

Have you ever heard something about yourself that wasn't exactly flattering? I have, and for years, tried to rationalize, minimize, or dismiss it. Growing up with a deep sense of shame made negative feedback feel like a personal attack. It stung more than I wanted to admit.

But over time, I've come to see those moments differently. Today, I view feedback, even the hard-to-hear kind, as one of the most powerful tools for growth. I've learned to lean in with curiosity, not defensiveness. If someone is courageous enough to tell me how they experience me, that's a gift. It gives me the chance to become a better version of myself.

Relationships are shaped not just by how we feel about others but by how we make them feel. And often, I've been unaware of how my words, tone, or energy affected those around me. Without realizing it, I could be pushing someone away, not out of malice, but simply because of unawareness.

In conversations and workshops, I often ask a question: "What do you hope people say about you when they are talking to your friends and family?" The responses are always inspiring:

"I like being around her."

"I feel good about myself when I'm with him."

"I've learned so much from her."

"His humor is contagious."

"I'd want her on my team."

Then I ask the real kicker: "Who writes the story they use to talk about you?"

That's when it clicks; "we do." People talk about us based on their experience of us. We write the script they use. That can be a humbling realization.

It's also incredibly empowering. If someone's story about me isn't the one I want to be told, I can rewrite it. I can show up differently, speak more kindly, and listen more openly. Knowing now who writes my script others use to talk about me, I can reshape how I'm remembered, starting today.

Watch for the blind spots.

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