Why You Say Things You Don’t Mean
- Jerry Clark
- Apr 27
- 1 min read
The last argument I regret was not a character flaw; it was a hijacking. My brain literally took my mouth hostage.
This is called emotional flooding, and what I need to understand is that it is not weakness; it is biology.
When flooding hits, my heart rate rises, my breathing becomes shallow, and my brain shifts into survival mode. In that moment, my intellect goes offline, and anxiety takes over.
I recognize the signs when it happens. I feel overwhelmed almost instantly. I may want to leave the conversation, raise my voice, or feel a sudden surge of irritation. The hard truth is that I cannot solve anything while I am flooded. I have seen even high-level executives use one simple phrase to save meetings that were seconds away from falling apart.
The phrase is: "I need a few minutes."
Then they step away. One phrase, one pause, one opportunity to return with maturity.
I know what it feels like to carry on conversations that went sideways, moments that did not go the way I wanted. Now I understand that flooding is biology, not failure, and the antidote is always pause and reset. Another moment will come, maybe today or later this week. The question is whether I will be ready. I practice this phrase, so it is available when I need it most.
I need a few minutes; I want to talk about this well.
Watch for the blind spots.
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The governor of emotions & mouth one might consider practicing before every potentially contentious meeting or conversation. Lynn Davis